As always, if you'd like to use this space to tell stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...
This is an update to my original post back in June - "Keeping Appearances"
It has taken a long time in the making, because I'm such a details type of person, but I told my husband on Saturday that I am filing for a legal separation, and I signed a lease on my own apartment yesterday. The moving happens Saturday.
Of course there were a few more "episodes" and a few more warnings, but none of them sunk in. I believe it got to where he was drinking at least a 12 pack a day when I wasn't around to call him on it.
He is taking it extremely hard - refusing to admit it will be okay as long as he gets help (which he does plan on getting), unable to face our 7 year old daughter, begging me to not leave the house. I have stood my ground though and insisted that I need my own place so I can feel safe and secure. I know that the best thing is for him to get counseling not only for the drinking, but to deal with his sudden loss of everything he knows. It is not my place to get him through it - they are his consequences to suffer, not mine.
He has asked me to go with him to his appointment at the outpatient treatment center next week. I said yes of course, this is about getting him better, not punishing him. I still will be able to keep distance though with a place of my own. I will at least know that I can decide not to see, talk, or deal with him at any time I want or feel it is necessary for the children.
I find myself telling him that as long as he is getting treatment and we go to counseling, we can still be a family, we just have to go about it one step at a time in a different way for a while, with me in my own place. That is okay, isn't it?
And, as far as our daughter is concerned - she's handling it well. She knows that she will go to a new school this year, but maybe next year she can go back to the "first school". She will be able to do more activities than she could living where we were, and she will be able to see her dad more this way (provided he is getting help). It's really a positive thing for her, regardless of the reason it has happened. I just hope her dad learns that I am right and he stops avoiding her before she notices he is.
And as everyone says, while part of me is broken, there is a huge part of me that is happy, proud, and looking forward to the freedom of not having to be a drunk's wife anymore. I'm in control now.
Thank you to everyone who commented, or even just read it. You gave me strength to know that I knew what I needed to do and not back down!