Thursday, May 31, 2007

Dear Sister-In-Law...

Posted by Anonymous.

Dear Sister-in-Law,

I am not the best parent in the world, but I am better than you. How dare you yell at my child last night in your parents house because she brought a cookie downstairs. First, this is not your house. Second, cookies downstairs are allowed in grandma's house. Third, she's not your kid to yell at. Fourth, don't get out of it by saying that's your pet peeve. I was at your house last week and you know what I found? Candy wrappers by the guest bed and a moldy apple core in your bathroom. Hypocrite. And how dare you mock my child for using manners. IT'S WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO WHO WANT FRIENDS.

You want to know what my pet peeve is? That you tell your kids to shut up, you hit them, you slap them, you call them names. All you do is yell. You hit them when they hit their siblings and follow with a "DON'T HIT". You tell them "don't call your brother names, stupid." Instead of playing with them you ignore them and if they dare try to talk to you your response is "GO AWAY YOU'RE ANNOYING ME!"

You expect your kids to be so well behaved with this martial law you lay down. The big problem is that you are more immature than your five year old. Grow up and treat your kids with respect if you ever want them to do the same. You're kids are adorable and just want POSITIVE attention.

And another thing-a $4,000 washer and dryer? A $6,000 60" TV? A brand new car whenever you get sick of the old one? Your parents are making your house payment and these are your priorities? How about you spent $10 and get some pants for your kids? Why are they always in diapers and dirty disgusting t-shirts? I don't get you.

These are the things I want to say, but we are family, so I don't.

Thanks for listening.

-the one with the clean kid.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Please Help

Posted by Anonymous.

My husband punched me in the back of the head...

I need to end this marriage and I have no idea how.

Any advice from the many who have done this? Is there a right way and a wrong way??

I am a SAHM and a student... with 3 kids.

Thank you!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

College Confession

Posted by Anonymous, to Anonymous.

Dear Professor C,

You were my instructor for two types of classes: Accounting and Economics. I was a brilliant student in your Accounting classes; in your Economics classes, however, I was an abysmal failure, so why did you give me an “A” that even I know I did not deserve?

I skipped Economics classes once a week on purpose--to go shopping, to do homework for other classes, to have lunch with friends, to go home for a nap. There were times (maybe two) that I missed class for a legitimate reason--an apartment inspection, a sick child. When I did bother to show up for class, I didn’t pay attention--I slept (that would explain the ball cap), wrote letters, did homework for other classes, did crossword puzzles, wrote poetry, and occasionally read books or magazines.

I know why I was not inspired to bring my performance in that class above “lousy.” I hate Economics. Economics bores me; it puts me straight to sleep. This is not your fault. If I had not been required to take the Economics classes for my major, rest assured that I would not have done so.

I am grateful that you did give me an “A”, while at the same time feeling guilty for receiving the “A” undeservedly. I know for certain that I earned an “F” in both Economics classes I had with you, maybe a “D-” if you were feeling charitable, but an “A”? C’mon, now.

Considering that my attendance was less than 50%, most of my homework was turned in late and especially considering the fact that I cheated on the final, I don’t know what you were thinking giving me a good grade in Economics, except that you are the only professor who teaches that subject at our small college and you were, perhaps, hoping not to see me in those classes again .


Inappropriate, but understandable.

I like you and I know you like me, too.

You are my favorite professor and I (and all the other students in class) know that I am your favorite student.

I know that I got away with nothing short of murder in your classroom every single semester for three years straight. I know the other students thought I was sucking up when I occasionally brought you a coffee (I worked in a coffee shop, I got coffee for free) or when I sometimes brought your favorite chocolaty treat (the fun-size bags of Snickers were on sale around the holidays), but that was before the Economics classes, and I certainly didn’t need a boost on my grades in the Accounting classes--I’m just nice. When the Economics classes started, I saw no reason to change my pattern of behavior.

I’m sure some of the other students even thought we were sleeping together; I’m glad that neither of us ever came close to approaching that line, much less crossing it. I’m not saying I would have done it (because I wouldn’t have), but I’m happy that we can respect each other, knowing that our relationship remained purely that of teacher and student.

Luckily, I am not currently employed in a position that I would need to know the things I did not learn (by no fault of your own) in your Economics classes.

Likewise, my disdain for all things Economical is not your fault, either.

I will not be taking any classes with you when I return to college in the fall… for two reasons. First (and easiest) I am admitted to a degree program that does not contain any required classes taught by you. Second (and most important) I have the utmost respect for you and have no wish to put you in a position that you would even consider giving me another unearned “A”.

I hope to see you around campus when classes begin this fall. We should hang out sometime. You bring the coffee, I’ll bring the Snickers!

Your favorite student,


Thursday, May 10, 2007

Let's Talk About Sex

Posted by Anonymous.

I can't take it anymore. I am in a completely sexless marriage and I am so sad about it. My husband and I have only had sex once in the last 3 years. I am ready for baby #2. He says he is but then does nothing to make this happen. Worse, when I try to initiate he has no interest.

I don't know what to do anymore. At this point I am ready to leave. I do not want to live in a marriage where it is 2 roommates raising a child! I am HORNY god damn it!!!!!!!! My vibrator sees lots of action but it isn't enough.

I am sure my husband is depressed or suffering from low testosterone. He won't got see a dr. but I am not ready to threaten. So many friends tell me that don't have sex that often but I am not sure I believe them.

We have been together for 14 years. Sex has always been an issue because I was raped in high school and didn't really like sex. Now I am so ready and he isn't into it at all. What the fuck?????? How long do I suffer? Any suggestions?????????? Help please.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Why I Hate Child Support

Posted by Arkie Mama (cross-posted here)

This issue has caused more stress in my life and on my marriage than any other. It's difficult enough to muddle through finances with your partner. Try adding in another household and state laws that make no sense. I am so frustrated and depressed right now. I need to know that at some point, we'll catch a break. But really, I don't see how.

I hate child support...

...and the calculations behind it. (Here, it's based solely on the father's income and applies only to the children of the divorce. Children from any future marriages are not factored in.)

... Because on the very night I'm trying to figure out how (and when) we can afford to buy some spring/summer clothes for Tootie, Hubs comes back from his ex-wife's house talking — no, let's make that "gushing" — about Stepson's new Wii system.

... Because for the first two years of our marriage, when the ex arrived every other weekend, she always had a list for Hubs of all the "extra" expenses, which usually totaled, on average, about $150 to $200. That's $300 to $400 a month ON TOP OF child support.

... Because she always left with a check.

... Because when I got pregnant, even though Hubs always paid several hundred dollars a month MORE than required by state law in child support — not just the "extras" but also one-half of day care and, later, after-school care — the ex sued him for additional money.

... Because while I worry each month about how we will afford new shoes or clothes or day care-related expenses or birthdays, holidays, etc... etc... for the kids, his ex is putting in an in-ground pool, ordering custom-made furniture or re-doing their house (for the millionth time) or installing a tikki bar out back.

... Because I never knew what debt was — or how scary it is — until I married a divorced father.

... Because a divorced mom knows for sure she'll get xxx number of dollars each month whereas a woman married to a divorced dad shuffles and repriortizes and puts off purchases because she has to work with what is left.

... Because most states don't recognize fathers as parents with the same rights as mothers.

... Because even though we can't afford to buy a new washing machine, even after the repairman told us our current one was an ancient piece of shit that can't be fixed and it frequently attacks the dryer like some rabid beast, the ex-wife and her hubs are tooling around in their travel trailer or on his fully loaded Honda motorcycle.

... Because my glasses are 6 years old, but I can't yet justify new ones, because Hubs needs new glasses and contacts, because I still owe the dentist a hunk of money, because Tootie still needs to go to the dentist, because there are so many things, big and little, and plumbing issues and on and on and on that we've put off buying for months, but to HER it's no big deal to just zip out and buy a fucking Wii. Or a shiny red, fully loaded Camaro convertible.

... Because I remember the look on Hubs face when she pulled up in that car. Shortly after suing him for more money.

... Because I've skipped birthday parties and other social functions when we didn't have the money for presents or food contributions. But god forbid that stepson doesn't get a car by the day he turns 16 (in June). Oh, and by the way, can we chip in for half of his insurance?

(Um... excuse me ex, but when you and Hubs sold your house, is it not correct that you walked away with $30,000 and he received $1,500 per your divorce decree? I know it is because I've read it. I also read the document Hubs' attorney made him sign saying she had advised him against such an unfair split. As always, however, he gave in to you. For the kids. So hey, why not consider your profit on that little number Hubs' insurance contribution? Sounds like a good idea to me.

...Because it's fucking unfair. Because child support laws make it near impossible for a man to remarry or have additional children. A woman, however, gets the child support, a new spouse and his salary, and whatever income she earns.

...Because in order for things to be truly equitable, I would have to divorce my husband. Because then Hubs' paycheck would be divided among ALL FOUR KIDS.

... Because my brother-in-law raised four kids without a dime of child support from his ex-wife. Because the only thing we ever hear about are "deadbeat dads" when really, the mothers are equal offenders. C'mon, are we still employing 1950s thinking here? Geez. If you're going to pursue the fathers, then -- HELLO?! -- go after the mothers too. Because a lot of them don't pay either.

... Because Hubs is a great dad who has given and given and given. And because of the guilt he feels when he can't provide the same things for the second set of kids.

Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. Yeah, I'm pissed. And yeah, the fucking Wii was the fucking last straw.

I hate the greediness, unfairness and resentment that the current system breeds. I hate the stupid, gender-specific child support laws. I hate that my kids will always get the leftovers. If there are any leftovers. And yeah, it makes me resentful and yeah, I'm probably a horrible stepmother for feeling so resentful. I hate feeling like such a bitch because my stepkids are great, and I don't want to see them deprived of anything, but goddammit it pains me to see my own kids go without necessities while the other household gets a Wii the minute they hit the market.

But tra-la-fucking-la, life goes fucking on, and I'll just have to re-budget — again — this month, and try not to turn into a raging maniac as stepson's birthday approaches and the ex starts calling about a car.

(I posted this last night, after drinking much wine at a girlfriend's house and having yet another freakout session over finances. Then I reconsidered and took it down. But hey, what the hell. I'm re-posting and people can think I'm horrible. Cuz this is life as a stepmom, folks, and it isn't always easy. And there's a helluva a lot of room for resentment.)