Posted by Anonymous.
So, I really can't keep quiet about this any longer. I'm about to open my big fucking mouth about something I should really reserve for face-to-face, offline conversations, but Internet, I'm so angry right now.
Let's start at the beginning (in mercifully abridged fashion): I was raised Catholic. I never felt like I belonged, I never felt like I truly believed, I always found myself at odds with their practices and beliefs, I couldn't wait for the day when I could ditch the place. Cut to today: I've ditched the place. And I carry a lot - A LOT - of anger with me about it. Because my parents do not understand, respect or even tolerate my viewpoint, and it's a huge, HUGE obstacle in my relationship with them. There have been many massive arguments - real barn-burners - in which my parents let me know in no uncertain terms how ashamed/embarrassed they are of me and my decision. We basically don't talk about it anymore - in fact, I take great pains to steer our conversations entirely clear of religion and even politics, because we're such polar opposites when it comes to those two areas. I know they think I will eventually "come to my senses" and "grow out of" whatever phase they think this is; I know in my heart I will never, ever return to the Catholic church.
So anyway. My older sister is having a baby. Like, soon. December. And, since she's still active in the church, she has broached the subject of godparents with me. Basically, she wants me to be a godmother, but in order to do so at her church, I have to prove that I am a registered member of a Catholic parish, which...I'm not. She says she wants me to know that she wants me to be the godmother, but hey, rules are rules. And she also said she wants me to know that if something would happen to her, she would want her kid to be raised Catholic. I mean, of course. This is not a surprise to me.
Let me just make this clear: If something happened to my sister and I was left to raise my niece, YOU'D BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE I would raise her exactly how my sister wanted. I would raise her Catholic, I would raise her Jewish, I would raise her to be an elder in the fucking Church of Cottage Cheese if such a thing existed. HOLY FUCK, I WOULD EVEN RAISE HER TO BE A SCIENTOLOGIST IF THAT'S WHAT MY SISTER WANTED. Why? Because I love my sister, and I love my future niece.
But does the Catholic church care how much I love my sister? How dedicated I'd be to raising her daughter precisely how she wanted me to? Do they even bother to ask me about that shit?
They care about whether or not I can produce a piece of embossed paper on the morning of the baptism. End of story. Full stop.
And because I having the fucking balls to stand up for what I believe in? Because I refuse to stand up and be a big fat fake in front of our entire family? Because I am not too keen on LYING in a CHURCH and making a mockery out of a religion I am no longer a part of? I am obviously a terrible person who would leave her niece in a boiling hot car in the middle of July while she went and gave handjobs for shots of Jagermeister (I mean, obviously, this would be how I spent my free time).
And that doesn't even begin to cover the repercussions of my downgrade from godmother to Godless Whore. Once my parents hear about this? Shit, meet fan.
So, Catholic church, why am I not good enough for you? I can understand their being guidelines for, say, taking communion in your establishment (which I cannot do, and that's totally cool with me), but why is your judgment better than my sister's when it comes to who should raise her child if something would happen to her?
I don't know why I bother to try to make sense of this shit. None of it has ever made sense to me, and I've never been able to get a clear fucking answer out of anyone. But the message here is pretty obvious. Your loving, caring sister wants to be the godmother, but isn't Catholic? No way. You dragged some random woman off the street who has a criminal record and sold her own children into prostitution BUT she is a registered member of a Catholic parish? NO PROBLEM.
And now my sister isn’t speaking to me because she’s offended I won’t “just join a parish” already, just so I can stand up on the altar with her for five minutes on a random Sunday. I’ve asked her to please understand that it isn’t about her, it’s about me – more importantly, it’s about me wanting to take a stand for my own beliefs. I’m pregnant, too, and I want to do this – no, I NEED to do this – not just for me, but for my own kid. I’m not raising a daughter or son to bend or hide his or her own beliefs just to make other people’s lives easier.
I don’t expect my parents to come around, but I expect more of my sister. She’s gone through a divorce and an unmarried pregnancy in the past couple of years – two very non-Catholic life events – and I’ve been there for her, never judging her once, when even our own parents couldn’t do the same. And now when I need some of that same understanding? She’s ignoring me. I’m pretty sure that’s not what Jesus would do, but anyway.
I’m just so angry I can’t see straight. Is it any wonder I left the church when all it has caused is division and bitterness between me and my family?
At any rate, thank goodness for The Basement. I really needed to get this out there. You all can be my godparents anytime.