tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post1460957483295997532..comments2024-02-21T08:58:09.518-08:00Comments on Her Bad Mother's Basement: Not True Love: Now What?Her Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-61258248149191717032007-07-26T10:55:00.000-07:002007-07-26T10:55:00.000-07:00First, much light and love to you. I appreciate ho...First, much light and love to you. I appreciate how challenging this situation is for you. <BR/><BR/>For a mother, or whomever plays that mothering role, to leave an infant for a significant period of time can be devastating for the child. I am not saying will be, I am saying can be. This can be compounded if the person they are being left with (in your case the father) is incapable of being Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-39950278838854397972007-06-25T10:57:00.000-07:002007-06-25T10:57:00.000-07:00In my humble opinion, I think adoption is the way ...In my humble opinion, I think adoption is the way to go too. The problem is that you would have to get your fiance to agree with it... <BR/><BR/>The open adoption that was suggested sounds like a better alternative to me if you want to be actively involved in his life.<BR/><BR/>I know it will be a hard decision for you to make, and you are trying to do what you can to make sure your son has a Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14740023628746877368noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-91751221528725257042007-06-09T21:50:00.000-07:002007-06-09T21:50:00.000-07:00What about the father's family? Can they help care...What about the father's family? Can they help care for the baby? <BR/><BR/>Have you looked into any grants or student loan programs that could help support you while you're in school so you could live off-campus? Is there a counselor at your school that could guide your through some of these types of things? There just HAS to be some kind of help for people with kids.<BR/><BR/>Good luck :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-12234784686204265212007-06-09T12:34:00.000-07:002007-06-09T12:34:00.000-07:00Have you considered open adoption? I have a friend...Have you considered open adoption? I have a friend who adopted a baby whose mom was in similar circumstances to you. The two families have a good relationship and the biological mom and her family are able to have a relationship with the baby (who is now 18 months old). <BR/><BR/>This would still be incredibly difficult, of course, but it seems like it would be just as hard for you to raise a jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00967156307632862683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-69604837403502594522007-06-08T14:00:00.000-07:002007-06-08T14:00:00.000-07:00The reason I am writing this comment is that I thi...The reason I am writing this comment is that I think I understand you.<BR/><BR/>I am controlling, a clean-freak and a self-made woman and often end up with men that either cheat on me, or are lazy-ass filthy stupid.<BR/><BR/>For this reason, I know that I cannot get pregnant. There have been times that I have promised myself to get an abortion if I ever get pregnant with these idiots!<BR/><BR/>I The City Galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09819377234772187931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-21894931226045120602007-06-08T09:28:00.000-07:002007-06-08T09:28:00.000-07:00all i keep thinking is that you're going to be tie...all i keep thinking is that you're going to be tied to this guy as long as the kid is alive and you are taking care of it. it isn't right for a kid to be cut off from his dad because his mom doesn't like him or his ways anymore (unless they're somehow damaging to the kid), so you have to ask yourself if you want to be connected to this guy for all the rest of your life. i can see how it might Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-17590884173996016022007-06-07T21:05:00.000-07:002007-06-07T21:05:00.000-07:00This is the poster again. The state program does h...This is the poster again. The state program does have a daycare on campus. The problem is that you can't live on campus if you have your child with you, you have to find your own housing and be able to pay for it and all the associated costs. And I can't live off campus and attend the program because I would have to have a job to pay for the apartment. The only program in the system that allows Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-78915868747080337432007-06-07T14:56:00.000-07:002007-06-07T14:56:00.000-07:00Question: Does this state program include or offer...Question: Does this state program include or offer child care?<BR/><BR/>Surely there are many single parents who would find themselves in a similar and equally difficult position. <BR/><BR/>How do kids factor into this program? There must be some measure in place to help them as their parents try to help themselves...???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-82471982438918144222007-06-07T10:53:00.000-07:002007-06-07T10:53:00.000-07:002 things. well, my definition of washing dishes i...2 things. well, my definition of washing dishes isn't the same as yours so maybe you and your fiance need to actually define things since you seem to be operating under different assumptions than he is.<BR/><BR/>however, i think you've already made up your mind that he can do nothing right and isn't worth it as a human being.<BR/><BR/>so, in that case, i'd also say you aren't meant to be Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-69635164717398532532007-06-07T07:36:00.000-07:002007-06-07T07:36:00.000-07:00I always thought being away from my son after his ...I always thought being away from my son after his first year would bug me more because he might start to remember it. All in all, it's about YOU remembering being away and losing that time. I hated being away from my baby that first year... it got easier after 12 months. <BR/><BR/>Kids are resilient, but bigger problems happen because of inconsistant parenting... whoever your caregiver ends upAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-8451212361696057772007-06-06T12:43:00.000-07:002007-06-06T12:43:00.000-07:00Is it possible that your fiance is acting like suc...Is it possible that your fiance is acting like such a boor in part because he is scared and in denial about being a father?<BR/><BR/>Regardless of whether you stay with him or leave him, your fiance is going to be a part of your life and your son's life for many years to come. That's just a fact. So I think it might be important to try one last shot at confronting him about his behavior.<BR/><BR/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-68942427195819663312007-06-06T11:49:00.000-07:002007-06-06T11:49:00.000-07:00I'm the one that posted this. I have seriously con...I'm the one that posted this. I have seriously considered adoption and it just feels completely wrong for me. It feels like a long term solution for a short term problem. As for the therapy and treatment for my issues, I am currently working on that and taking a medication that has helped me be able to cope with things without resorting to anger. The difference is absolutely incredible. As for Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-23553629513299347522007-06-06T10:50:00.000-07:002007-06-06T10:50:00.000-07:00I'm not sure if this is true or not, but if you ma...I'm not sure if this is true or not, but if you married him and later divorce him, would you as the money earner have to pay alimony to him since has very little work (or by then possibly no work)? That might be something else to look into before marriage. I hope you can find some other way to help yourself and get the education you want. I agree that he won't be able to take care of your baby.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-48281958563072383412007-06-06T10:27:00.000-07:002007-06-06T10:27:00.000-07:00I have to agree with the posters who think you're ...I have to agree with the posters who think you're not ready to be a parent. If you can't postpone your education until you find suitable childcare or find a program that allows more flexibility, or move to a place that is cheaper or any of the myriad things that you have to choose from, you are really the problem.<BR/><BR/>The other question remains though, I'm taking it that this is the biodad? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-92115633145391020472007-06-06T09:01:00.000-07:002007-06-06T09:01:00.000-07:00I feel for your situation. That being said, I woul...I feel for your situation. That being said, I would not leave a newborn in his first year of life. Your finace sounds so irresponsible now that it will be impossible for him to look after a newborn. They take an incredible amount of work.<BR/>I would take a look at temporary foster care, or adoption, if you feel that is right for you.<BR/>Under the circumstances maybe see if your course could be Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-76497237074095816562007-06-06T06:56:00.000-07:002007-06-06T06:56:00.000-07:00First of all, I'm sorry for the situation you're i...First of all, I'm sorry for the situation you're in. I also grew up in poverty and I understand your desire to get out of it and provide a better life for your son.<BR/><BR/>That said, I'm not sure this situation would be providing a better life for him. I completely agree with the concern that your fiance won't be able to care for the baby by himself. Also, if you truly want the best for your Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-31904348766625021712007-06-06T05:59:00.000-07:002007-06-06T05:59:00.000-07:00Wow, I'm sorry you're in such a bad spot. It soun...Wow, I'm sorry you're in such a bad spot. It sounds like the vocational training is an excellent opportunity for you, but the timing is bad.<BR/><BR/>Fist off, don't marry your fiance. That doesn't mean leave him right now, but marriage sounds like a mistake. If his lack of motivation bothers you now, it's going to be 10x worse when you're caring for a newborn, working, and pretty much acting Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-46357714387618223612007-06-06T02:46:00.000-07:002007-06-06T02:46:00.000-07:00I'm going anonymous, because I'm going to also sug...I'm going anonymous, because I'm going to also suggest what the above 'anonymous' suggested:<BR/><BR/>I think you should seriously consider adoption. <BR/><BR/>Not only do you and your fiance sound complete unsuited for each other, it doesn't sound like either one of you is ready for parenthood. I also think you should give serious thought to getting some counselling to find out how and why you Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-16507030746295145952007-06-05T23:56:00.000-07:002007-06-05T23:56:00.000-07:00you know, you might be able to find people to help...you know, you might be able to find people to help you out in the area. i mean, i'm not going to guarantee anything, but if you post about your situation in some sort of childcare forum (like craigslist maybe?), you might be able to find a few stay-at-home moms or nannies who would be willing to help out with cheap (or free) childcare for the short time you're in your program. i know i'd be Larahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04389047861929002263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-37113862866176275802007-06-05T22:18:00.000-07:002007-06-05T22:18:00.000-07:00Now this may sound incredibly insensitive... and I...Now this may sound incredibly insensitive... and I'm so sorry. I don't in any way want to insult or offend you. You are in a horrible spot. <BR/><BR/>But, have you considered letting a family adopt your son after you give birth? He could be placed in a loving, two parent house. You would be able to better yourself through the job training, and won't be bound to your fiance. <BR/><BR/>Again,Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-40438922771877695602007-06-05T22:06:00.000-07:002007-06-05T22:06:00.000-07:00It doesn't sound like this is a person who is capa...It doesn't sound like this is a person who is capable of caring for a child on his own. If he can't get the dishes properly washed without explicit instructions, how will he handle the many responsiblities of parenting without supervision? It sounds like a dangerous ennvironment in which to leave a child. <BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, I don't really have a better suggestion. Could you try to make Annie, The Evil Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16585283486191306521noreply@blogger.com