tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post1736629608564647412..comments2024-02-21T08:58:09.518-08:00Comments on Her Bad Mother's Basement: ConsumedHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-81215913075769964382008-08-28T18:41:00.000-07:002008-08-28T18:41:00.000-07:00In the last month you could have been talking abou...In the last month you could have been talking about my life. Everything you said, marrying young, loss of attention from your husband, husband becoming a different person. Those are the things I have been fighting. Here's where we differ. Although I knew better, I took the step you contemplating. Its not worth it. Its not worth the heartache, the pain and the loss of yourself, because as much asChaoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08895977449691606873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-41513419367192095632008-08-28T08:56:00.000-07:002008-08-28T08:56:00.000-07:00Anon @ 709:The self-loathing? I think Vanessa cove...Anon @ 709:<BR/><BR/>The self-loathing? I think Vanessa covered that very well.<BR/><BR/>Am I emotionally well? No, probably not. I have an anxiety disorder and a tendency towards depression myself. That's why I'm under the care of a therapist. We both feel that I have made great strides over the past year or two.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-33513054511169238012008-08-28T07:09:00.000-07:002008-08-28T07:09:00.000-07:00You know I think water finds its own level. If th...You know I think water finds its own level. If the "other man" is married to a crazy bitch, I'm betting he's less than emotionally stable himself. <BR/>Honestly, I think your best bet is to let the flirtation at work charge your emotional batteries and then come home and give all the nummies to your husband who needs them. It might re-energize your marriage. <BR/>On the other hand, if your Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-9218552493791710822008-08-27T23:41:00.000-07:002008-08-27T23:41:00.000-07:00If you're not gonna consider yourself a "whore," w...If you're not gonna consider yourself a "whore," who is? Look at it from the outside.<BR/><BR/>You're a woman that's been married for 12 years, and is considering cheating on your husband with a man at work, purely for sex. <BR/><BR/>If he did that to you, you'd be telling everyone how horrible of a husband he is, and how unfair it is that you put so much time into the marriage. You know he'll beAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-44283564009742885802008-08-26T16:46:00.000-07:002008-08-26T16:46:00.000-07:00anonymous 5:22 am:Get every book you can on forgiv...anonymous 5:22 am:<BR/><BR/>Get every book you can on forgiveness and read it. You stopped the behavior, please study forgiveness so you can get your life back.<BR/><BR/>Study every religion on the topic, you will see how you are already forgiven.<BR/><BR/>If you don't forgive yourself then that means I am not forgiven my transgressions.<BR/><BR/>I learned SOMUCH from your comment: thank you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-85821977477453811032008-08-26T16:41:00.000-07:002008-08-26T16:41:00.000-07:00All of you are so helpful in your comments, and I ...All of you are so helpful in your comments, and I didn't even write the post. I now understand my friends more, those in this struggle, or those who succumbed. <BR/><BR/>My comment: the man at your work is lying to you. Yes, you are, of course, wonderful and sexy and all things that cross the line in emails, but he is preying on you and your low sense of happiness in your marriage and life. <BR/>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-46727482460309104852008-08-26T05:22:00.000-07:002008-08-26T05:22:00.000-07:00For a few years of my marriage, I had intermittent...For a few years of my marriage, I had intermittent one-night stands. It was always the same thing. I'd go out, get drunk to the point of blackout, and sleep with a random guy. <BR/>I always felt guilty afterward, but it didn't really hit me until after one specific guy. <BR/>I changed. I stopped going out. I stopped drinking, and of course I stopped fucking around.<BR/>The last time it Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-45188194101704479332008-08-25T07:42:00.000-07:002008-08-25T07:42:00.000-07:00Three years ago, your story was my story. I had th...Three years ago, your story was my story. I had the affair. I separated from my husband. My husband and I went through counseling together and seperately. All the while, I was having a relationship with the other guy. I felt great, attractive and wanted by other men, however, it was short lived. A fantasy only lasts so long. <BR/><BR/>The day I realized how stupid I was acting was when my lover Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-32224980938384045912008-08-25T07:31:00.000-07:002008-08-25T07:31:00.000-07:00wow - some great advice this post has provoked. I...wow - some great advice this post has provoked. In order for this marriage to be saved I think both sides need to do things....<BR/><BR/>You need to quit your job and cut off all contact with the co-worker. Plain and simple; its the only way to move away from the daily temptation.<BR/><BR/>Your husband needs to be told how you feel, if you've done the step above you don't need to tell him Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-86273730075472853532008-08-24T18:09:00.000-07:002008-08-24T18:09:00.000-07:00I have been where you are and I cheated. I made t...I have been where you are and I cheated. I made the wrong choice. I honestly and truly thought I was in love with the other man, but now I know that if he really loved me he would've waited for me. I wish I had the words to tell you about my experience, the thrill of being in love again, the rush of being touched by new hands, all of it for a while was wonderful. Then the guilt, the shame andAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-25826681940812321462008-08-24T15:27:00.000-07:002008-08-24T15:27:00.000-07:00My experience with this has been that you can do i...My experience with this has been that you can do it as long as you keep your expectations realistic. For me, it was an old boyfriend from college. We reconnected after a dozen years and then played the email flirting game.... I jumped every time my phone buzzed on a text and it was like a drug... that excitement, that thrill, all things that seem to disappear with marriage and kids sometimes.<BR/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-52572952362110076802008-08-24T11:33:00.000-07:002008-08-24T11:33:00.000-07:00Two words: OPEN MARRIAGE! Barbie fantasies keep wo...Two words: OPEN MARRIAGE! <BR/><BR/>Barbie fantasies keep women in check and create the illusion that we are never horny, even when we are lonely. They also make it so that we over-explain ourselves when where trying to prove that we're not 'a whore'. Oh please! <BR/><BR/>Wanting sex and being emotionally honest about that is a good thing. Don't step in doo with that co-worker of yours, as he Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-20198999900830548222008-08-24T10:18:00.000-07:002008-08-24T10:18:00.000-07:00You are not a whore. You do need to leave your hus...You are not a whore. <BR/><BR/>You do need to leave your husband first before you start a relationship with someone else. A wrong has never made anything right. <BR/><BR/>You said "How do you tell a man you don't love him anymore after twelve years together? How do you crush someone like that, especially when they are already depressed and the rest of their life sucks?"<BR/><BR/>Whether the wordsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-10362176750873618942008-08-24T08:54:00.000-07:002008-08-24T08:54:00.000-07:00When you marry someone, you take vows, make promis...When you marry someone, you take vows, make promises to that other person. To love, to honor, to committed to them, through thick and thin.<BR/><BR/>Less than a year ago my husband had an affair. As far as I know it never got physical (I'll never really know for sure...) but just because they didn't have sex or kiss doesn't mean that he didn't have an affair. It hurts me so much even now Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-56896524727903823342008-08-23T22:42:00.000-07:002008-08-23T22:42:00.000-07:00It doesn't sound like you are a whore, it sounds l...It doesn't sound like you are a whore, it sounds like you are a woman who needs some attention, some affection, and maybe some sex. It sounds like you are not getting those things at home, so it's looking attractive to get them somewhere else, even knowing how bad a bet this man likely is. He may make you feel like a desirable woman again for a while, but I can't imagine it ending well, to be kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-46931919343405970562008-08-23T19:25:00.000-07:002008-08-23T19:25:00.000-07:00It wouldn't jeopardize my job- we're in different ...It wouldn't jeopardize my job- we're in different departments. Only managers and their direct reports are forbidden to fraternize.<BR/><BR/>My husband and I had sex twice this month, and that was after a serious discussion about my inability to cope with the lack of physical affection.<BR/><BR/>I'm almost sure I want to leave, but how do you tell a man you don't love him anymore after twelve Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-72091552068163972582008-08-23T17:19:00.000-07:002008-08-23T17:19:00.000-07:00It might be above here, but in case not - you migh...It might be above here, but in case not - you might also be jeopardize your job. Many corps/institutions etc have rules against inter-office relations. And the fact that you're both married makes it easy for them not to be the bad guy.<BR/><BR/>And the following cliches seem appropriate: the grass is always greener and you never know what you have until its gone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-58211840468663863642008-08-23T08:30:00.000-07:002008-08-23T08:30:00.000-07:00Sounds to me like you know what is right, and that...Sounds to me like you know what is right, and that this man is playing with you to see if he can make the conquest. I don't have any idea whether he's aware of that or not - but he's the one who continues to instigate, no? I'd say he's dangerous, and you have your head on straight when he's not around.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-54569618316350137282008-08-23T08:26:00.000-07:002008-08-23T08:26:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.KJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08490843203917062841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-11943260056441065142008-08-22T21:41:00.000-07:002008-08-22T21:41:00.000-07:00I've been in a similar situation. Three words: don...I've been in a similar situation. Three words: don't do it. Walk away while you still can, you can't unring a bell.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-70852920745006080322008-08-22T17:06:00.000-07:002008-08-22T17:06:00.000-07:00No judgment here. Marriage is hard, especially wh...No judgment here. Marriage is hard, especially when you've been hurt. I mean, it's SO hard sometimes.<BR/><BR/>That said, reality WILL seep in to your relationship with this other man, whether you sleep with him or not. It might be fun and exciting and feel really really good for a while, but real life will make an ugly appearance in one way or another -- with hurt feelings, guilt, loneliness,Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-44342067284119949822008-08-22T15:03:00.000-07:002008-08-22T15:03:00.000-07:00You talk about how great your Husband is so I assu...You talk about how great your Husband is so I assume that you respect him as a person. If you do, you need to talk to him openly about this. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it's easier not to. But you owe him that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-9206464753124964742008-08-22T13:26:00.000-07:002008-08-22T13:26:00.000-07:00...it's a pretty fantasy, but the realities that c......it's a pretty fantasy, but the realities that come with an affair are sometimes ugly and awful. <BR/><BR/>If you think you're lonely now, I think you might feel even lonelier if you DO succumb and consummate this affair...<BR/><BR/>At the hardest moments in my eight year relationship, five of them married years, I try to focus on the small, sweet kindnesses that drew me to him in the first Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-84917396527148083582008-08-22T13:13:00.000-07:002008-08-22T13:13:00.000-07:00I am in a similar situation. I have been married t...I am in a similar situation. I have been married to my husband for seven years. A lot of those years he has been working all the time leaving me feeling alone. Two weeks ago I cheated on him. I decided then I needed to end things with him. Not to be with the other man but because I figure if I am now willing to cheat on him I don't need to be in a relationship with him. It is hard because we haveAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-48414559375432856182008-08-22T12:08:00.000-07:002008-08-22T12:08:00.000-07:00I recently attended a wedding, and for the first t...I recently attended a wedding, and for the first time, actually paid attention to the vows these people were exchanging. <BR/><BR/>Standing up in front of a bunch of family and friends, and making these grandiose PROMISES to each other. Powerful stuff.<BR/><BR/>But my cynical side was wondering how seriously these people are going to take these promises to love each other through thick and thin -Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com