tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post2685366618572012263..comments2024-02-21T08:58:09.518-08:00Comments on Her Bad Mother's Basement: ImperfectHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-86604125089368045802009-01-19T21:54:00.000-08:002009-01-19T21:54:00.000-08:00I'm glad Java Mom said that.I wouldn't give a BJ u...I'm glad Java Mom said that.<BR/><BR/>I wouldn't give a BJ unless I actually wanted to...and I 99.9% of the time don't, so it doesn't happen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-28160786294297906722008-01-17T14:14:00.000-08:002008-01-17T14:14:00.000-08:00My dh doesn't get BJs unless I'm pregnant or REALL...My dh doesn't get BJs unless I'm pregnant or REALLY not in the mood. So in general, a few times a year. Sex maybe 1 every two weeks. Does that mean I'm a bad wife? I don't make his lunch and he does the cooking. I clean but we're not super clean. (I do other things for him though like help with his work. I'm not a slacker.) My kid doesn't have much of a routine, does eat sugar, watches tvAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-44310313425421724692007-09-11T17:41:00.000-07:002007-09-11T17:41:00.000-07:00Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. Tha...Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you for helping me remember I'm not the only mother who feels this way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-9619142884565846602007-09-11T10:13:00.000-07:002007-09-11T10:13:00.000-07:00Anon 8:48- Thank you. I have to give you a ton of...Anon 8:48- Thank you. I have to give you a ton of credit for pumping 6 months, you right though, it's not the same...IT'S HARDER. Pumping sucks, I did it for my hubby a couple of times so I could get some sleep. You get an A+ in my book for that. I have been learning to cut myself a lot of slack as of recently. I'm glad people, including you, wrote in and said, "HELLO! We all do that, or Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-50862909596464116222007-09-11T08:48:00.000-07:002007-09-11T08:48:00.000-07:00I'm sorry, but you need to first give yourself a h...I'm sorry, but you need to first give yourself a huge pat on the bag, and a big hug. You are setting the bar WAY too high for yourself. <BR/><BR/>I must be a horrible mother if you aren't good enough. I wasn't able to breastfeed my daughter (although I pumped for 6 months, but still, not the same you know?), I used some jarred food, I went to the gym and left her in the gym daycare, and I am Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-26644140790052110262007-09-10T09:53:00.000-07:002007-09-10T09:53:00.000-07:00I'm sorry I haven't responded to all of you until ...I'm sorry I haven't responded to all of you until now but I've been swamped with a few things. We are moving very shortly and I took it upon myself to throw a HUGE (dj, tarot reader, rented out a restaurant, cake, 50+ guests, the whole shebang!) birthday party for my MIL (yes, you read that right, mother in law, I love her very much). Again, I thank you all for your advice and taking the time Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-91416144044627789372007-09-10T07:33:00.000-07:002007-09-10T07:33:00.000-07:00OK, for whatever reason I have been pondering the ...OK, for whatever reason I have been pondering the BJ issue ever since I read this post a few days ago. I can't help but wonder what the issue is with the oral. Performing fellatio is not easy, it can be a downright PITA: aching jaws, watch those teeth, poor fit, etc. etc. etc., but if you and the hubs have an otherwise satisfactory sex life, it should just be one more trick in the ol' bag. Is Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-8694501563873101862007-09-09T18:45:00.000-07:002007-09-09T18:45:00.000-07:00Even if you feel you cannot afford therapy financi...Even if you feel you cannot afford therapy financially speaking you should still look around. Many therapists or clinics work on a sliding scale, sometimes therapists in training will see you for free, and studies about depression often provide free therapy as well.<BR/><BR/>Congrats for letting it all out and posting. You are absolutely a great wife, woman, mom, and person. Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-53690905857825062332007-09-09T16:22:00.000-07:002007-09-09T16:22:00.000-07:00I am in therapy right now for the exact same thing...I am in therapy right now for the exact same things! My life sounds just like yours! My therapist says...don't be so hard on myself. Don't second guess myself. MAKE FRIENDS by putting myself out there and taking a chance. She also informed me that it REALLY IS boring trying to play with kids when you're really not a kid.And that's ok to feel like that. It's normal. The fact that you do it is Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-58183657684196479022007-09-09T09:15:00.000-07:002007-09-09T09:15:00.000-07:00If you would rather chew on glass than give a BJ.....If you would rather chew on glass than give a BJ...then dont' do it....tell your dh...sorry buddy....not in my bad of tricks....I don't give them to my hubby and he does not ask me.... <BR/><BR/>I think that your way to hard on yourself hon!!!!! <BR/><BR/>I would suggest getting into some therapy.....Java Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308846218312729938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-18552285108247707952007-09-08T19:02:00.000-07:002007-09-08T19:02:00.000-07:00Any Mom who says she never looses it and yells at ...Any Mom who says she never looses it and yells at her kids is full of it! And time-outs work, so why is that bad? Sounds like you are an excellent mother who also happens to be human!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-55062709834368688572007-09-08T07:19:00.000-07:002007-09-08T07:19:00.000-07:00omg are you serious?you have the life most of us w...omg are you serious?<BR/><BR/>you have the life most of us wish we had, and all you want to do is whine and complain about how it's not good enough, and we are supposed to feel sorry for you? I don't.<BR/><BR/>I'm pregnant with my 4th baby, and found out last month that my husband of 11 years starting having an affair last march, when I was 2 months pregnant. And he's not even a good husband to Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-8103666394477824492007-09-07T19:31:00.000-07:002007-09-07T19:31:00.000-07:00OH sweetie. I have been there. Being a stay-at-h...OH sweetie. I have been there. Being a stay-at-home Mom with preschool children is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. It was like Groundhog day, I felt like I was living the same mind numbing boring day every single day. <BR/><BR/>My kids are 6 & 9 now and I am so happy that I had the chance to stay home with them. Living it day in and day out was sooo hard though. I do believe it made me Pollyannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13746802517039945488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-491386140974242802007-09-06T18:21:00.000-07:002007-09-06T18:21:00.000-07:00I understand a therapist may not be feasible right...I understand a therapist may not be feasible right now, but perhaps you should try to see a doctor...you could be suffering from post partum on top of the baggage from your childhood. Good luck, sounds like you are trying to make healthy changes in your life. Realizing the problem is the first step, and you are moving past that now!Mamalanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00200657325831762553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-20606697206888817872007-09-05T23:35:00.000-07:002007-09-05T23:35:00.000-07:00i could have written this, almost word for word. e...i could have written this, almost word for word. even though i so understand, i want to give you a hug and assure you that you're valuable, you're loved and wanted. you are NOT a piece of shit. that is a value, a voice that was implanted in you by the messages of your childhood. raising your own children can really bring up issues for those of us who were abused. for me i am filled with rage and Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-89823511810976107552007-09-05T19:59:00.000-07:002007-09-05T19:59:00.000-07:00you really need to stop being so hard on yourself....you really need to stop being so hard on yourself. I'm at the other end of the spectrum...I work full time and so does my husband. I have to get the baby up, feed him, bathe him, dress him, change him at least once most days before daycare, plus get myself ready to go. Then we are out the door, I drop him off and then I'm off to work. After work I pick him up on the way home, then go home andMistyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17879639652837783618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-83523421241852301992007-09-05T13:33:00.000-07:002007-09-05T13:33:00.000-07:00Actually, I am insulted!You are taller than me and...Actually, I am insulted!<BR/><BR/>You are taller than me and weigh less than me! Still you think you are fat? are you telling other women that they are fat?<BR/><BR/>I am not mad at you, but mad at your standards!<BR/><BR/>If you judge anyone by thos fake standards that you just described, all of us should go and commit suicide!<BR/><BR/>You have sex with your husband 2, 3 times a week and you Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-64607026906240613772007-09-05T11:54:00.000-07:002007-09-05T11:54:00.000-07:00This made me so sad.Of course you're not a perfect...This made me so sad.<BR/>Of course you're not a perfect mother. Who is? <BR/>Parenting is hard. I get frustrated with my son and I'm away all day. Kids are frustrating. I need time outs all the time. <BR/>I think we could all be better mothers or cherish our time more or be better wives and all of that. But, we're all human and it's really really hard.<BR/>Believe me, if you spent a day in my Laural Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08459584652802529868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-71264299833883061432007-09-05T11:39:00.000-07:002007-09-05T11:39:00.000-07:00Not perfect does not equal piece of shit. Or I'd ...Not perfect does not equal piece of shit. Or I'd be pretty stinky. <BR/><BR/>You are a good mother and a good wife. You love your family. You're doing your best. But mother and wife shouldn't be your only definitions. Like the other commenters have said, time for yourself, to HEAL yourself (with a therapist if you can afford it would be ideal) will help you deal with these inadequate Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-67665163218818936092007-09-05T10:27:00.000-07:002007-09-05T10:27:00.000-07:00Thank you all soooo much for your comments. I'd l...Thank you all soooo much for your comments. I'd like to give you all (((HUGS))), they are deeply appreciated. I've read over them several times and I cannot tell you how much of a difference it has made to me. I didn't know what I was looking for writing this but what I got was perfect, an awakening. I wrote this when I was feeling like crap, having a bad day and miserable. After I sent it Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-49472597398315418052007-09-05T09:42:00.000-07:002007-09-05T09:42:00.000-07:00Giving BJs when you HATE HATE HATE it is sort of a...Giving BJs when you HATE HATE HATE it is sort of abusive, isn't it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-82221897701247451232007-09-05T05:34:00.000-07:002007-09-05T05:34:00.000-07:00My take-----you are trying so hard NOT to be like ...My take-----you are trying so hard NOT to be like your parents that you are running yourself on empty. You want to be the perfect everything to everyone.<BR/><BR/>I think a therapist is a great idea. if you can start to address some of the childhood issues that have brought you to this very lonely place, maybe you can begin to heal what your parents did to you, and then heal yourself.Avalonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12717171111059212946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-45458295540863275442007-09-04T18:43:00.000-07:002007-09-04T18:43:00.000-07:00So many of us feel this way. I hate that I'm overw...So many of us feel this way. I hate that I'm overweight. I hate that I want to spend time away from my kids. I hate that I can see the "perfect" way to be a mom, wife, person, but I can't be that person.<BR/><BR/>But it's okay. It's okay. Hang in there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-46461279695229672342007-09-04T15:39:00.000-07:002007-09-04T15:39:00.000-07:00I agree with the other comments, you need some hel...I agree with the other comments, you need some help to see the pathways that are open to you!<BR/><BR/>Good luck, I think you sound a great parent and wife.merinzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01950053039147788819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-37903583706934224092007-09-04T13:52:00.000-07:002007-09-04T13:52:00.000-07:00find a therapist and work on your self-esteem. wo...find a therapist and work on your self-esteem. work on practicing self-compassion. i did, and it's been amazingly helpful for me in my life.<BR/><BR/>you are a wonderful person - great mom, great wife, great woman. you just need help accepting it.Larahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04389047861929002263noreply@blogger.com