tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post4902176557615525856..comments2024-02-21T08:58:09.518-08:00Comments on Her Bad Mother's Basement: Getting Over An AffairHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-15161296814236751272010-04-03T19:33:22.581-07:002010-04-03T19:33:22.581-07:00I cheated on my wife and it was the worst thing I ...I cheated on my wife and it was the worst thing I have ever done! <br />It lasted a couple of months and I tried to stop it because it was wrong and I was so angry at myself. we never slept together....I did not want to. My wife of 13 yrs handled it well and has allowed me to stay and work on our marriage for we have two girls whom I love more than anything in the world! It gets hard for my wife Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-78217915015280880432008-05-19T15:32:00.000-07:002008-05-19T15:32:00.000-07:00I am 2 years past enduring a 3 year affair that my...I am 2 years past enduring a 3 year affair that my wife had with a coworker. I knew about it for about 2.5 years and "put up with it" first for my daughter and second because I was raised to honor my promises / commitments.<BR/><BR/> I still feel as heavy hearted as the day I saw the page that gave the affair away. I am on antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs to help cope with the pain. As not Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-84982583282098859372008-02-04T21:37:00.000-08:002008-02-04T21:37:00.000-08:00I am soo sorry to hear that you are still in turmo...I am soo sorry to hear that you are still in turmoil after all of these years. I understand how you feel I recently found out my husband had an affair after 13 years of marriage and a daughter. He had lied to me through three lots of councellors different stories and tells me how he has stopped talking to her but i dont believe he has stopped talking to her. I too am hesitant only because of Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-38888156711608356422007-08-01T17:19:00.000-07:002007-08-01T17:19:00.000-07:00Five years into my marriage with 2 young daughters...Five years into my marriage with 2 young daughters my wife cheated on me. Thru that affair I learned she cheated on me the day before our wedding with someone else I knew. She saw him for the 1st two years of our marriage. She never admitted anything up front. The spouse of the man contacted me. I was devistated. But why do I have to lose my children and not be able to raise them and be with Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-66929801139334260172007-07-24T13:43:00.000-07:002007-07-24T13:43:00.000-07:00Well, I was the cheater. And I tried to make it r...Well, I was the cheater. And I tried to make it right.<BR/><BR/>I made sure she always knew where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. I accepted a pager, something I said I would never do, so that she could always find me and check on me. I gave her full access to my phone contacts list, my e-mail, and any other information resource she asks for. I figure I spent any right to privacyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-79682273712549225602007-07-16T10:19:00.000-07:002007-07-16T10:19:00.000-07:00As aggrieved party: It took about five years and t...As aggrieved party: It took about five years and that was five years of drama and incredible rage.<BR/><BR/>I would say it took him about three years, give or take. ?? Two? But then he had to get over the fact I kind of hated him for five years. That also took some time.<BR/><BR/>On occasion it comes back to haunt me but not for too long. But it's been 10 years and that's only happened a few Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-62540173746306547242007-07-14T18:52:00.000-07:002007-07-14T18:52:00.000-07:00For me, there has not been any getting back to us....For me, there has not been any getting back to us. My husband (hopefully soon 'ex') cheated on me for 2 years, and still, 12 months after we separated, he won't admit it. Cheating is a deal breaker to me. I think it's because of the 80 million lies that accompany the cheating. It's never just one. And one would be enough anyway. My husband has cheated with a fellow parishioner, someone who I Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-80721860073447621072007-07-14T18:51:00.000-07:002007-07-14T18:51:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Livhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09154719979114564561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-3141204489791649572007-07-13T07:47:00.000-07:002007-07-13T07:47:00.000-07:00There is never any going back to "us". It is alway...There is never any going back to "us". It is always in the back of your mind no matter how hard you try to erase it. It is always there. The question is "Can you live with it?"Lizaritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14657675382642958124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-19624039857238074312007-07-11T13:47:00.000-07:002007-07-11T13:47:00.000-07:00I believe you need to consider the size of the cri...I believe you need to consider the size of the crime!<BR/><BR/>Cheating is one thing, keeping it a secret for some time is another and if your best friend is involved, well, you have your hands full.<BR/><BR/>Here is the deal: for a one-time affair my ex said that "it just happened".<BR/><BR/>Sleeping with someone who is not your partner, over and over again is not something that just happens! (Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-61507541696462520862007-07-11T10:56:00.000-07:002007-07-11T10:56:00.000-07:00There isn't a statute of limitations, and there is...There isn't a statute of limitations, and there is no clear cut amount of time to regain trust. If both parties want to make the relationship work, the cheater needs to work to prove his or her trustworthiness, and the cheated needs to be willing to trust again. Some people are prepared to do that, some are not.<BR/><BR/>All of the scenarios in the post make a difference. I betrayed my husbandAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-45359958841383202932007-07-11T05:22:00.000-07:002007-07-11T05:22:00.000-07:00I don't have any personal experience with this que...I don't have any personal experience with this question, but I've always felt that if my husband cheated on me there would probably be no way back to 'us'. The betrayal would be too much. But, like someone said above, now that I have children, I'm not sure if it's so black and white. It would probably depend on a lot of things, first and foremost an 'immediate' confession (like B&P says above)ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-76673873418846469252007-07-10T17:25:00.000-07:002007-07-10T17:25:00.000-07:00i don't think there are simple answers to your que...i don't think there are simple answers to your questions. maybe you should figure out why the cheating happened to begin with. are you happy in this relationship? or was this simply a sign of a crumbling relationship? i guess ultimately you will have to learn to "get over" the affair, but whether or not you do it with you partner is up to you. best wishes to you. take care of yourself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-19372034347013577552007-07-10T13:09:00.000-07:002007-07-10T13:09:00.000-07:00I second the above comment. Betrayal changes your...I second the above comment. Betrayal changes your understanding of the person you thought you knew.<BR/>It takes time to learn to love this person again when he or she is someone different now. The cheater isn't doing him or herself any favours by pushing for quicker resolution, either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-80918034778116247592007-07-10T12:24:00.000-07:002007-07-10T12:24:00.000-07:00Quite simply, there is no statute of limitations. ...Quite simply, there is no statute of limitations. The betrayed spouse may forgive the cheater, but there is not and will not be a 'forgive and forget'. It happened and it can't be erased. That isn't to say you can't get on with your life together. You can, but the betrayal and the associated trust issues will only mellow with time, not disappear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-89658736813074332172007-07-10T12:20:00.000-07:002007-07-10T12:20:00.000-07:00What if your spouse cheats with your best friend? ...What if your spouse cheats with your best friend? Could you ever forgive either of them?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-42243678011602260062007-07-10T11:58:00.000-07:002007-07-10T11:58:00.000-07:00I have long held that any affair, under any circum...I have long held that any affair, under any circumstances, would lead me to leave because I know how I am when my trust is betrayed. I know how hard it is for me to forgive or forget long after trust should have been regained. <BR/><BR/>I said I would do that because I believed that there was no way either of us would ever be happy again following that. I said all this before I had children Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-4029780772897636692007-07-10T10:58:00.000-07:002007-07-10T10:58:00.000-07:00My personal rule was that a one-time offense that ...My personal rule was that a one-time offense <I>that was immediately confessed</I> I could forgive, but a long-term affair with deception was crossing over the line. When my husband confessed to a two-lunch-stand about two years after the fact, I wasn't sure what I would do: the relationship had ended quickly and this person was no longer in his life, but those two years of silence had taken Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15957626443087438904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-92159019065774684932007-07-10T07:56:00.000-07:002007-07-10T07:56:00.000-07:00Well I have been there -- and honestly someone who...Well I have been there -- and honestly someone who betrays someone else has to regain their trust. It doesn't happen overnight, sometimes it doesn't happen it all. The "guilty" party has to earn it - and it's hard work. At some point, if someone has really worked to regain trust and you want to be with them, you let go of the past and move forward and trust them. Easier said than done. Good Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-22122267694802498202007-07-10T07:49:00.000-07:002007-07-10T07:49:00.000-07:00My husband didn't cheat, but there have been other...My husband didn't cheat, but there have been other types of betrayals, enough that if I see an unfamiliar email I still get some feelings very much like post-traumatic stress.<BR/>I would say that if the transgressor is showing some effort and the transgressee is determined to heal, it would probably take a year to really feel safe again. But in the meantime I wouldn't be surprised if every Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com