tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post5618888534332326495..comments2024-02-21T08:58:09.518-08:00Comments on Her Bad Mother's Basement: Wondering How To CopeHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-48690461724937287062007-05-03T07:16:00.000-07:002007-05-03T07:16:00.000-07:00Um... wow. We are supposed to tell you that your n...Um... wow. <BR/><BR/>We are supposed to tell you that your normal, and what you feel, with all of this.. this crap is. You are normal to feel used, to feel resentful, to feel angry, and sad. With the things that you have gone through, those are normal and understandable feelings. How you are coping is not. The relationship and the dynamtic between you and your husband is not. The fact that your MamaMichelsBabieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15233906192952776105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-9562971386552002202007-05-02T11:39:00.000-07:002007-05-02T11:39:00.000-07:00He hates being on meds? Tough luck. Try a new me...He hates being on meds? Tough luck. Try a new med. His inability to treat a solvable medical problem is not your problem. You shouldn't have to live with his headaches. There are great migraine meds out there.<BR/><BR/>There are a couple of great books aobut verbal abuse by Patricia Evans. I think it's really hard for us to recognize that abuse is happening when no one is being hit. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-52828942620649359252007-04-30T14:57:00.000-07:002007-04-30T14:57:00.000-07:00Wow. I'm glad you've gotten some really good suppo...Wow. I'm glad you've gotten some really good support here. Just a suggestion -- I don't know if you belong to a religious community, but if you do maybe you could talk to a pastor, rabbi, or similar person, if you feel that you can't get counseling elsewhere?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-44748457388527733792007-04-30T11:20:00.000-07:002007-04-30T11:20:00.000-07:00The lonely guy here, but I have to tell you, as a ...The lonely guy here, but I have to tell you, as a husband and a father - That asshat you're married to has no, none, zil, zero call on you to have sex with him if you don't want to. Never, ever - and especially in a late term pregnancy or the period after child-birth. As far as I am concerned, his harrassing you into that was nothing short of abuse and assault. <BR/><BR/>These outraged ladies whoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-44036078675252403362007-04-27T10:32:00.000-07:002007-04-27T10:32:00.000-07:00This is Basic Behavior 101. Reward good behavior ...This is Basic Behavior 101. <BR/><BR/>Reward good behavior and you will get more of it.<BR/><BR/>Ignore bad behavior and it will go away. (Dangerous behavior, of course, has to be stopped in its tracks.) <BR/><BR/>So, on a day when your husband is nice and helpful and considerate, you initiate sex. Which is okay; sex is so much better when we're not pissed as hell.<BR/><BR/>On a day when he isAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-62375317565537424312007-04-26T15:36:00.000-07:002007-04-26T15:36:00.000-07:00Your husband has to get over himself and you have ...Your husband has to get over himself and you have to quit pandering to him. It is so hard to be a working mom, my suggestion is quit working if you can swing it. nobody can do everything. It won't fix him but it will take away some of your stress. He needs to buck up and be a man! I hope it works out for you both.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-65838660922965910322007-04-20T01:03:00.000-07:002007-04-20T01:03:00.000-07:00First off-- big (((HUGS))) to you!You have gotten ...First off-- big (((HUGS))) to you!<BR/><BR/>You have gotten some really great advice-- so I (mostly) won't repeat-- but will just add a couple more comments/suggestions:<BR/><BR/>Get automatic bill pay for every bill you can. For us-- our insurance, utilities, house payment and ds's karate costs all come our automatically and it has REALLY cut down on the work of paying bills.<BR/><BR/>The next Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-35524282532622401382007-04-16T17:17:00.000-07:002007-04-16T17:17:00.000-07:00So much of what you are saying sounds like what I ...So much of what you are saying sounds like what I went through. I'd just want you to know from a woman who is about to be divorced that you don't have to put up with a grumpy husband. Maybe he needs to own his problems from the headaches to the sex issue. And he damn well doesn't need to be a troll to you over dinner, the house, the child, sex or anything else. A man who demands sex is an ass. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-58116049857352353422007-04-16T10:11:00.000-07:002007-04-16T10:11:00.000-07:00As Dan Savage would say: DTMFADump the mother fuck...As Dan Savage would say: DTMFA<BR/>Dump the mother fucker already.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-35468451123050724182007-04-15T22:56:00.000-07:002007-04-15T22:56:00.000-07:00Just coming into this conversation, I have somethi...Just coming into this conversation, I have something to say that is different than the rest. <BR/><BR/>You fell in love because you met each other's needs. Your needs changed when you had a child. So did his. <BR/><BR/>We do strange things when our needs aren't met. We act irrationally, we say things we don't mean, and we hurt one another. If it goes on long enough, we withdraw and the marriage TSM Oregonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08342104775312559739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-69045099337023307092007-04-15T05:52:00.000-07:002007-04-15T05:52:00.000-07:00wow. I could have written that post-- minus the hu...wow. I could have written that post-- minus the husband with a real problem. Mine just acts the same way but without any headaches as a reason.<BR/><BR/>I don't have any advice because I'm struggling with the exact same issues. I read the other responses and I understand exactly why you are saying/feeling what you are. I haven't enjoyed sex in years, since our 2.5 year old was born.<BR/><BR/>And Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-60962887189858113472007-04-14T15:45:00.000-07:002007-04-14T15:45:00.000-07:00Ack! I'm so angry for you. You definitely DON'T ne...Ack! I'm so angry for you. You definitely DON'T need to just get over it. It isn't even possible to "get over it" at this point. I agree with many of the previous commenters. You have to find a way to get these feelings out there to him. Your only obligation is to tell him how you feel, all of it. What he choses to do with your (very important and VALID) feelings will dictate what happens next. Kylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-90319672470548879812007-04-14T09:46:00.000-07:002007-04-14T09:46:00.000-07:00Wow. What a mess. I don't know what to say, but ...Wow. What a mess. I don't know what to say, but I wanted to tell you I'm sorry, I sympathize, and you're being incredibly strong to have handled this as well and as long as you have.<BR/><BR/>The sex thing resonates with me. God knows everyone's sex life and sexuality works differently. But IMO you never NEED to have sex. Especially not if it's painful, EVER. Men don't need sex to survive Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-43830439783335659492007-04-14T08:53:00.000-07:002007-04-14T08:53:00.000-07:00While everything seems fine ont he surface, it sou...While everything seems fine ont he surface, it sounds to me as if there are serious broken pieces in your marrieage already. This stuff NEEDS to be aired and discussed. It doesn't have to mean yelling, especially if you think that would not be productive. For me, if I have something I need to air, I sit down and really think about what the core problem is and what I need, and a few ideas about kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-63898814817237111992007-04-12T13:59:00.000-07:002007-04-12T13:59:00.000-07:00I feel for you - you are me - but thirty four year...I feel for you - you are me - but thirty four years ago. Our issues were a little different but similar in some respects. I married a man who is always angry, never uses his fists though, just has a foul temper.<BR/><BR/>I too swallowed my feelings and anger, tried to always keep the peace and please him,and 'got on with it'. <BR/><BR/>After all - I guess I was brought up in the 'you made your Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-21890790639795403152007-04-09T09:17:00.000-07:002007-04-09T09:17:00.000-07:00I am very sorry to hear about these things. I don'...I am very sorry to hear about these things. I don't think you need to get over it. In fact, I don't think you could get over it or should get over it. Anger here is a good thing, an indicator of your own value for yourself in a situation where you are not being appropriately valued. The fact you are starting to value yourself less is a response to persistent disrespect and the anger is Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-73397306249480557742007-04-08T09:32:00.000-07:002007-04-08T09:32:00.000-07:00Also, you say in here that you're afraid that yell...Also, you say in here that you're afraid that yelling about all this would break something in your marriage that would be very hard to fix. It sounds to me as though something in your marriage has already broken that's going to be very hard to fix - namely, your ability to believe that your husband has *your* best interests at heart. The reason you're feeling increasingly angry is that you can't Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-52460413078578255992007-04-07T21:46:00.000-07:002007-04-07T21:46:00.000-07:00I get migraines. Aura, extreme light sensitivity, ...I get migraines. Aura, extreme light sensitivity, nausea, pain, the works. They suck great big donkey balls (sorry for the graphicness, but they do).<BR/><BR/>Know what I did? I visited doctors and tried out different medications. I figured out my personal migraine trigger - not food, but disruptions in my sleep pattern - and learned to avoid that trigger. I scoured the Internet for info, and Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-36321005229509662912007-04-07T14:03:00.000-07:002007-04-07T14:03:00.000-07:00Sex 2-3 times a week? Who is married with children...Sex 2-3 times a week? Who is married with children and gets/gives this kind of action? <BR/><BR/>I'm just going to ditto what everyone else said - especially Ewe are Here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-3306142352887171042007-04-06T06:38:00.000-07:002007-04-06T06:38:00.000-07:00Anonymous author: Yes, I do know what you mean abo...Anonymous author: Yes, I do know what you mean about not wanting people in your real life to know.<BR/><BR/>You can reach me at dawnd04 at gmail dot com anytime.<BR/><BR/>((hugs)) and good luck. You've gotten some really good advice here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-80066036708281416772007-04-06T06:30:00.000-07:002007-04-06T06:30:00.000-07:00I think as women we tend to want to be "super Mom"...I think as women we tend to want to be "super Mom" ...work, have a perfect household and be the best Moms we can.<BR/><BR/>You, my friend are doing MORE than you share in creating a happy environment for your family.<BR/><BR/>I really do not think you should have sex with your husband just because he wants too....what about your feelings and needs?<BR/><BR/>In my opinion, he needs to step up to Mommato2https://www.blogger.com/profile/13475207169746158064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-51973247331958060462007-04-05T23:35:00.000-07:002007-04-05T23:35:00.000-07:00I actually think that therapy for you alone would ...I actually think that therapy for you alone would be a better place to start than therapy for both of you together. You can find people who offer sliding scale fees and/or your health insurance should cover someone. I see a therapist who has an MSW, not a PhD, which makes it much more affordable. Good luck!Abacaxi Mamaohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17134748794823573217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-45815939577693554862007-04-05T22:34:00.000-07:002007-04-05T22:34:00.000-07:00I am a working mom that takes the brunt of the loa...I am a working mom that takes the brunt of the load too, but I don't deal with the effects of a hubby in constant pain and one that demands sex either.<BR/><BR/>I am sorry I didn't have time to read all previous 21 comments, but let me just say I feel for you so much. I understand you are feeling very trapped. Trapped in more ways than we can count right now. Therapy is a great idea, but only Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07950880083795695746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-87229477453280773762007-04-05T16:48:00.000-07:002007-04-05T16:48:00.000-07:00Thanks to you all for your words. Validation help...Thanks to you all for your words. Validation helps, and provides motivation to change my toxic situation. Dawn at 12:53, I WOULD like to correspond if you don't mind. I don't feel like sharing this stuff with my friends because I don't want them to hate my husband, if you know how I mean.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-47987850322485485162007-04-05T12:53:00.000-07:002007-04-05T12:53:00.000-07:00I am totally new here but I have the utmost respec...I am totally new here but I have the utmost respect for everyone I've read so far. So I hope it's ok that I respond.<BR/><BR/>Oh my. I could have written this same post. Only my husband DID cheat on me when I was too busy with a full time job, two kids and all the household duties to "service his needs." Having BTDT, here is what I have to tell you.<BR/><BR/>1. Ditto what anon 5:34 said: The Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com