tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post9212189614675322565..comments2024-02-21T08:58:09.518-08:00Comments on Her Bad Mother's Basement: The FacadeHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-72197248150690784572009-09-28T09:27:51.097-07:002009-09-28T09:27:51.097-07:00An update from the original poster.
It's been...An update from the original poster.<br /><br />It's been seven months since I wrote this. Guess what? I'm still here, and our lives together are much happier.<br /><br />I sleep better.<br /><br />We talk more.<br /><br />I still teach Sunday school.<br /><br />I told my wife about the girlfriend, who understood when I told her we were through.<br /><br />Again, thanks to those who Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-48265793735218550432009-03-12T17:46:00.000-07:002009-03-12T17:46:00.000-07:00An update from the Original Poster.Things are look...An update from the Original Poster.<BR/><BR/>Things are looking up since I posted the original piece. No, we aren't all of a sudden shagging like randy teenagers... but we are talking.<BR/><BR/>I needed to let some things out that I had been bottling up, and I feel much better.<BR/><BR/>My marriage is going to survive all of this, folks... do you know why? Because neither one of us is a quitterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-66322978757704379632009-02-25T17:02:00.000-08:002009-02-25T17:02:00.000-08:00I understand. :(I understand. :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-24916516414415054462009-02-24T20:39:00.000-08:002009-02-24T20:39:00.000-08:00Thanks for all of the advice, folks.Avalon: Thank...Thanks for all of the advice, folks.<BR/><BR/>Avalon: Thanks for the thorough reading.<BR/><BR/>Others: I make no case for my own saintliness. I'll tell you this, though... I made no agreement on celebate marriage when my wife and I got married. I told her so, years ago. She looked me in the face and laughed. So, yes, we have talked about it. More than once.<BR/><BR/>Am I an ogre for Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-54359460681795718212009-02-24T13:07:00.000-08:002009-02-24T13:07:00.000-08:00Everyone: this is space for sharing and frank disc...Everyone: this is space for sharing and frank discussion and so it requires that we be respectful and that we exercise judgment carefully and considerately.<BR/><BR/>Got that? Good.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-85149286783656170902009-02-24T08:51:00.000-08:002009-02-24T08:51:00.000-08:00Is nobody else bothered by the fact that this man ...Is nobody else bothered by the fact that this man is not only "getting sex elsewhere" but he claims to be active in his church and is teaching Sunday School? I for one would be irate if I found out that I had a man teaching my kids sunday school who so disregards the sanctity of marriage and has a mouth like a dirty sailor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-51843988334650011492009-02-22T08:02:00.000-08:002009-02-22T08:02:00.000-08:00Human communication theory would tell you that I a...Human communication theory would tell you that I am not responsible for responding to something about which I do not know. It would also tell you that when there is discord between two people it is because someone feels disregarded. When you next feel disregarded discuss it with the spouse. Keep the conversation on the present incident. Do not dredge up the past by saying things like "you always.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-69052710984792631452009-02-21T23:27:00.000-08:002009-02-21T23:27:00.000-08:00I'm not married, nor am I a parent, so I won't eve...I'm not married, nor am I a parent, so I won't even venture to give you advice from that perspective because I've never been there. But I'm in my early 20s and made the jump from living at home high schooler to living outside of home university student not that long ago, so I can shed some light on that side. <BR/><BR/>It won't be any easier on your child if you leave at that point. Moving away The Grown Up Teenagerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10530685677158320049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-38694998694733384212009-02-21T21:12:00.000-08:002009-02-21T21:12:00.000-08:00"I get sex elsewhere""I gave you the best years of..."I get sex elsewhere"<BR/><BR/>"I gave you the best years of my life..."<BR/><BR/>You call that BEST? Let me know if I have miss quoted you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-54937083161870750992009-02-21T21:08:00.000-08:002009-02-21T21:08:00.000-08:00RESPECT: the condition of being esteemed or honor...RESPECT: <BR/><BR/>the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.<BR/><BR/>to show regard or consideration for<BR/><BR/>esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability<BR/><BR/>deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-26302303507755045642009-02-21T17:48:00.000-08:002009-02-21T17:48:00.000-08:00"You knew I wasn't the kind of man who would walk ..."You knew I wasn't the kind of man who would walk away from his own child.<BR/><BR/>I know that you like me. I know that you are fond of me. I know that you might have some feelings of love for me... but the truth is that you don't really respect me.<BR/><BR/>Do you know, or would you even care if you knew, that I get sex elsewhere? Probably not."<BR/><BR/>Let me get this straight, you say, and IAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-33024823919008074152009-02-20T23:58:00.000-08:002009-02-20T23:58:00.000-08:00This is a tough situation and given that I'm in th...This is a tough situation and given that I'm in the process of ending my marriage, I can empathize.<BR/><BR/>In the end, a happy parent is a better parent. If counseling won't work, the best thing to be isn't necessarily married or divorced. The best thing you can do is be honest with yourself and set yourself on a path to be the best "you" you can be. If that's with your wife and she's willing Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-44686183649344639042009-02-20T23:09:00.000-08:002009-02-20T23:09:00.000-08:00In my opinion, here's the problem with this situat...In my opinion, here's the problem with this situation: "...would you even care..." and "...you probably don't care..."<BR/><BR/>Why are people recommending that he leave his wife and child, because she doesn't care, when no-one knows what his wife really thinks. <BR/><BR/>I know a man who was poised to have an affair because he thought his wife didn't care, that it wouldn't matter to her; turns Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-28818221423851683532009-02-20T11:23:00.000-08:002009-02-20T11:23:00.000-08:00Wow.Peace to you.Wow.<BR/><BR/>Peace to you.Maggie, Dammithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16471019955310537571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-51106877300441156972009-02-20T06:28:00.000-08:002009-02-20T06:28:00.000-08:00Did anyone actually read what this man wrote? Abou...Did anyone actually read what this man wrote? About how has already suffered through a traumatic divorce and the loss of a close relationship with his older child.<BR/><BR/>If you had actually read that, maybe you wouldn't be so quick to toss out simplistic advice like "leave now", "don't stay together for your child".<BR/><BR/>He obviously knows, all to well, how much he stands to lose again. I Avalonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12717171111059212946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-36679778927106526652009-02-19T22:18:00.000-08:002009-02-19T22:18:00.000-08:00This was very moving to read. I'm sorry this is yo...This was very moving to read. I'm sorry this is your situation.<BR/>My parents split when I was 8. And maybe that's why I think that, sometimes, staying together for the kids is the best thing for kids. Hope you get the strength you need for the road you are on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-46585871976267230632009-02-19T16:51:00.000-08:002009-02-19T16:51:00.000-08:00I find it odd that the problems in your marriage a...I find it odd that the problems in your marriage are discussed here entirely in terms of something your wife did ten years ago. I'm sure that there's more to the situation than what you've mentioned here, but it still seems symptomatic to me that the unforgivable sin she committed then is more prominent in your mind than whatever day-to-day problems are occurring in your marriage now. <BR/><BR/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-18378640086821776162009-02-19T16:46:00.000-08:002009-02-19T16:46:00.000-08:00And for the dad who asked the question, I'm not im...And for the dad who asked the question, I'm not implying that YOU would take out anything on your kids, I was simply trying to illustrate a point that sometimes children aren't scarred forever by divorce. That sometimes, a happy father and mother make a child's life better. If your wife hasn't had sex in 5 years, I doubt she's very happy, either. <BR/><BR/>I just can't imagine that if this Mr Ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09998773078408832376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-64024930672967336662009-02-19T16:40:00.000-08:002009-02-19T16:40:00.000-08:00To clarify:My mother was a horrendous piece of shi...To clarify:<BR/><BR/>My mother was a horrendous piece of shit who shouldn't have been allowed to breed in the first place. My mother is a waste of oxygen. Thanks for asking.<BR/><BR/>My father left us and moved 2 blocks away until we were all older. By then, my mother had frightened us all so much that we wouldn't talk about the things happening behind our doors, and so he accepted a job far Mr Ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09998773078408832376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-35205462598418368222009-02-19T15:07:00.000-08:002009-02-19T15:07:00.000-08:00too damn bad that people who are in opposing situa...too damn bad that people who are in opposing situations can't get together. Come Sunday, my husband will be teaching Sunday School, too - but it is he who hasn't touched me in 4 years. <BR/><BR/>I'd love to grow old with a man who loved me mind, soul, and body - but that ain't happening for either of us. Pity.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-25455504217346978752009-02-19T13:19:00.000-08:002009-02-19T13:19:00.000-08:00I don't usually comment, but I feel like I have to...I don't usually comment, but I feel like I have to this time. I think that you are making a huge mistake to wait until your child leaves for college (for yourself, your wife, and your child). My father did that, and I don't think I will ever forgive him. I think he was a coward, and the fact that he waited until I left? I thought that it was especially mean to my mom. More importantly, for your Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-51181670963843008942009-02-19T12:54:00.000-08:002009-02-19T12:54:00.000-08:00oh and by the way, i wouldn't give a rat's ass if ...oh and by the way, i wouldn't give a rat's ass if he was getting sex elsewhere as long as nobody gets pregnant and its not taking food from my kids' mouths.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-69818656832395063302009-02-19T12:53:00.000-08:002009-02-19T12:53:00.000-08:00me too. but i'm the wife. my son will be a year ...me too. but i'm the wife. my son will be a year old next week and the last time we had sex was the night he was concieved. and it was 8 months before that. and six months before that. not even on our wedding night. i'm in a loveless marriage too and am here for the kids, because they love their daddy and because i can't provide them with the same kind of life they have now if i'm doing it onAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-37271927525355101232009-02-19T12:05:00.000-08:002009-02-19T12:05:00.000-08:00For the person who felt the need to rip MR Lady a ...For the person who felt the need to rip MR Lady a new one:<BR/><BR/>Go read. Read the archives of her blog. Go now. You'll realize it wasn't that they were just incompatible. There was a lot more to it than that. Her mother was/is nuts.<BR/><BR/>www.whiskeyinmysippycup.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26063103.post-85241518723713691152009-02-19T11:49:00.000-08:002009-02-19T11:49:00.000-08:00Staying together in a loveless marriage and raisin...Staying together in a loveless marriage and raising your child with that example is worse than exposing the child to divorce. People who stay together for their children are many times staying together for the wrong reason. <BR/><BR/>Just my two cents, I hope you can come to some decision, because your happiness should be important, too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com