This Is a Thank You Letter

Posted by Anonymous.

To Catherine for hosting this, but also to all the bereaved, betrayed, angry, and injured souls on here. This one isn't for everyone; some of you won't relate to this at all. That's fine too. This one is mostly for the married folk out there.

About Me:

I'm a simple man. A Man's Man, really. I love my woman, my kids, sex, cars, guns, weightlifting and beer. In that order. I am a United States Marine, so you can imagine the testosterone runs a tad high in my veins. I'm a brother to several sisters, a son to a quirky mother (think Ms Frizzle from Magic School Bus. Seriously.), and a dedicated husband to an amazing woman. I was not always so dedicated. In fairness, my first wife was not so faithful herself. This is not the point; it is just a bit of color for the background. We failed, through mutual immaturity, lack of a foundation (dated a year and married), infidelity on both sides, and several other fissure-sized flaws on BOTH our parts.

Now, I am remarried. Strangely enough, to a woman that I dated in college, almost 13 years ago. We broke up because I joined the Marines, of all things. 8 years later, and a spouse each, we met up again, and well...here we are. Both MUCH wiser the second time around.

BUT...

There is always that 'But,' isn't there?

I am still a Man, however much I have learned. And while I am proud of my genetic package, this presents a problem. I tend to think I have things under control. We men like that. To be The Man. In Charge. On Top Of It. Got This One on Cruise Control. This blinds us, willfully or otherwise, to an amazing array of things that women see as glaringly obvious. This trait above all others is what I credit with my first marriage's demise, at least from my end. We tend to think we have things figured out, and that is that. We will ALWAYS have it figured out. Because things never change, PEOPLE never change, right? Heh. Yeah Right.

SO...

Because I know this, I am paranoid. Always self-examining, always thinking, 'am I missing something?' But because I am NOT a woman, I'm a blind man trying to teach myself what the color Blue is.

Here is where the Thank You starts. To ALL of you. All of you who suffer, whose men AREN'T men, if only because of their willful blindness, their neglect, and their dispassionate self-justification (we're good at that, let me tell you...).

I thank you for sharing, for letting all your hates, hurts, and feelings fly. It's because of you guys that I know what to look for. It's because of your willingness to share that I can see those blind spots; they're damnably hard to find otherwise. It is because of the woman who loves her husband beyond all reason, all sanity, and pours out her troubles and feelings here, that my marriage is still kicking. I hope and pray for each and every one of you, that your situation will improve, that your man will wake up, that YOU will wake up, whatever the case may be. But, in the meantime, Thanks. Just know that you aren't screaming into the wind. By what you do here, another woman is spared the suffering you endure. Small consolation? Maybe. But it's what I have to offer.

I owe you all.

Just....keep saving me, would you?

Sincerely,

A Man.

To My Mother In Law

To My Mother-In-Law,

I am tired of making excuses for you and your behavior. I am tired of defending you because you gave me the love of my life. I am tired of trying to find the good in your cruelty. I am finished with you and will not allow you to passively abuse my family.

Despite what you may believe, postpartum depression is real. I did not abandon your son when I moved back in with my family. YOUR son packed the baby and me in the car and drove us there to save my life. I would have abandoned your son if I had gone through with my frightening thoughts of drowning myself in the bathtub. How can you not see that? Why should we all be punished for doing what was right for us?

How dare you blame my postpartum depression instead of honestly admitting to your lack of interest in your first grandchild. How dare you blame my location on the simple fact you have never met him, 10 months later. Why would you ask me, 5 days after giving birth, if I was allowing my husband to get some rest because he sounds tired? When have you ever shown the least bit of compassion toward me? (Your son is in the middle east! I am alone, a single parent with no help 24/7. Not even an e-mail or a call... once.) I have given your son a child. I have given your son a loving home. I am YOUR grandchild's mother and father for these 8 months. I have gotten help and fought out of the most frightening darkness of depression I have ever experienced. Why do you despise me for these things?

I will never again cry a single tear when I have finished speaking to you. I will let go of my fantasy notion of acceptance from you. I will never again allow you to penetrate my armor which you have forced me to apply and scorch me with hyper criticisms or your passive aggressive silence. When you do not call for my sons birthday, I will forget you exist. This is your loss. This is your own loneliness and punishment. Thank GOD for my family and their involvement with this beautiful little angel. I am sorry for you and your misery.

S