Neurotic

Posted by Anonymous.

It's been six months since my baby was born and still, every time I see you and have to fake smile and ask you how you're doing as if I cared. I feel so furious. I'm a new mother, you were once too so I assumed you would understand. If I don't want children visiting us in the hospital and holding the new baby then as the mother of the baby guess what? I have the right to make that decision! We made the decision that we didn't want any children at the hospital, just adults. We did not selectively choose your kids and say that they were the only one's not allowed. At NO POINT did we say this was because we thought they were diseased and would infect the new baby, why the heck would you assume that? Although if I had to be honest about it, it's true I don't trust you enough to be able to control your kids around the new baby, they're manipulative whiny brats. The fact that you decided not to visit because your kids couldn't was your decision, not ours. We accept responsibility for our decision, why not accept responsibility for yours?

That day was not about you or your kids, it was about the new baby and the fact that you would call us selfish self-centered idiots only goes to show just how insecure and neurotic you are. Screaming at us in letters and writing on facebook about how dumb we are and how selfish our decision is only shows what kind of person you are. Everyone, and I do mean everyone in the family hates receiving your little "The world didn't revolve around me for five seconds and I'm mad about it so I'm going to blame it on you" letters. Stop writing letters and talk to us- maybe we could clear up some of the misunderstandings you get in that delusional little head of yours.

You are the parent to your children and as such you have the right to make decisions regarding them, explain to me why that isn't the same for everyone else? Are you super fucking special? Now I can't see my brother without there being a strain and it's obvious that the relationship is forever marked by your insecurity and bi-polar behavior. Thanks, really.

Sadness

Posted by Anonymous.

I’m so sad.

I’m scared. I’m scared that in this instance hindsight has totally burned me.

In the summer of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I made the decision to terminate that pregnancy. That decision was the hardest decision that I have had to make in my life so far. This was not a decision that was made lightly. We talked and talked and when we thought we couldn’t talk anymore about it we talked some more. In those talks he told me that of course he wanted to have another child with me but that at that time in our lives it was not a good time for us to have another baby. I agreed with him. I still agree with him. At that point in our life it was really not a good time to have another baby.

Here I am today a little over two years after the termination that I was and still am ok with it. My husband has made up his mind that he doesn’t want anymore children. We have one child that I love with so much completeness it makes me ache. But I never pictured myself as someone that would have only one child. In a perfect world I would have a lot of children but the reality is that I definitely wanted two. I feel like we talked about this all through our marriage and before we had kids but maybe we didn’t agree then either. I don’t know.

The point is, here I am wanting, like the kind of wanting that oozes through every cell of your body type of wanting, another child. My husband does not want another child. He’s done. What hurts is not just this impass. We will work through this; we’ve worked through much larger things than this. What is breaking my heart is that at the time when we were faced with one of the most difficult decisions ever, I was under the impression that he did want to have more children. At the time that was a very comforting thought. Because to me it meant that it was ok to think that it wasn’t the right time, that we would in fact have another child at some point and that the decision (we) I was making was really going to be ok.

Now it just feels like he lied to me to get his way.

I don’t know how much of that I truly believe. He was very much torn up over all of this. As was I, obviously. I just feel betrayed.

Yes we’ve talked about this since the termination and his response is that he was not lying to me then but that he’s just happy with the way things are now and doesn’t want to change that. I can respect that. I really can. It doesn’t make the hurt go away or make it feel any less painful.

So here I am now wondering if I knew then what I know now would I have made the same decision. I just don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m hurt. I’m sad. I feel betrayed. I feel like a part of me is missing and unfulfilled. I also know that in order to stay as the family unit of three that we currently are I will feel these things for a lifetime.

I refuse to guilt him into having another child with me. That notion is just too far away from who I am for me to be ok with.

I will continue to cry silently at night when I know he’s asleep. I will continue to wonder at all the what ifs. I will continue to be scared of the questions that will come from our child when she gets older.

For now I will put on my brave face and go forward. For now that’s all I can think to do.

Paralysis Of Thought

Posted by Anonymous.

When she wasn’t where she was supposed to be which was 10 feet to my left, when I had circled around twice, when I retraced my steps once again, when the well-meaning employee who stood by the door assured me that she was still in the building, when I circled around for the fourth time, when I began to realize she was NOT in the building, when I stepped outside, when her older sister began to panic, when I could feel my chest tightening, when I had to send her sister back inside to stand with a nice stranger, when my mind began to think words I would never say in her presence, when I could not see her in front of the building, when I could not see her at the side, when I found her standing next to our car, standing next to our car by herself, outside, down the stairs, along the sidewalk, across the parking lot, ACROSS THE PARKING LOT–BY HERSELF, when I saw her and screamed her name, when I saw the look of fear on her face–first of being alone and then upon hearing the shrillness of my voice of being in trouble, when I swooped her up, when I held her sobbing body in my arms, when I got nose-to-nose with her, when I impressed my fear upon her, when she impressed her fear upon me, when I returned for her sister, when I explained the “lost rules” again, when my throat began to unclinch, when my chest stopped hurting, when I began to be acutely aware of the fact that I was in the presence of a few dozen other moms but I was the mom who had just lost her 3 year-old child, when I calmly took both daughters’ hands in my own untrembling hands, when I crossed the parking lot again and buckled them in, when I pulled out of that parking lot, I did not think about it again.
I did not because I could not. My mind just. would. not. consider: WHAT IF. That is the only reason I was able to keep breathing. I just hope it stays that way, because I could die a thousand emotional deaths if it starts to move again.

Can Kids Ruin A Friendship?

Posted by Anonymous.

Okay, so I work at a job that I love. It's close to home, my hours are flexible, my boss is my best friend. The problem? Her children. I mean, never in my life have I dealt with such horrid little people in my life. It is so awkward because not only am I dealing with my best friend's kids, it's also the boss's kids. It's a no win situation.

I have huge issues with people who do not discipline their children in any way shape or form. You are not doing ANYONE any favors by letting these beasts get away with what they do, my friend! I mean, your youngest is a thief who steals money not only from the cash register but also the deposit bags! Do you punish him? No. Do you make sure that it doesn't happen again? No. You gently tell him not to do it. THIS is one of the main reasons I do not invite you in to my home. I do not wish to be robbed.

Your middle child is a slob. She is continually dirty, disrespectful and in general, not pleasant to be around. The fact that she continually interrupts our every conversation for no reason other than to hang on you and have the attention focused on herself, is utterly annoying. Do you ever tell her that we are having a private conversation and ask her to wait? No!

Your eldest child is the worst. She, too, is a slob. Her whole demeanor is slovenly. Please teach her how to dress and walk! She does not need to be given a job sitting behind the desk. She is 13 years old and needs to actually move her fat ass a bit! The way that she speaks to me and other adults is appalling! She is not an adult. She is not entitled to be in adult conversations. Her superiority complex is a disgrace for someone her age. Her attitude that "This is my parents store and I'll do what I please" is disrespectful not only to me and all of the customers who come in here, but you should see this as disrespectful to YOU! Because she is representing you and when people see a fat, lazy, foul mouthed brat behind the desk, they do not want to come back!

My final straw was this weekend while at your middle child's birthday party. Your 13 year old shoved me repeatedly, insulted me, grabbed at me and was just constantly offensive and you laughed with her and said she was just joking! No, she wasn't! This is your child's normal behavior and it is horrific. I cannot even stand the sight of her and am praying that I find another job just so that I do not have to see HER anymore.

Instead of making excuses for these ill-mannered, horrid people, how about teaching them some manners? Instead of rewarding them with candy, snacks and sodas how about making them take responsibility for their behavior and punishing them? I don't want to lose our friendship but the constant strain of being around your children makes me want to have nothing to do with you. Your husband once thanked me for befriending you. Maybe you'd have more friends if you tamed these children in to being normal, respectful human beings.

Keep Away

Posted by Anonymous.

I don't want any part of my boyfriend's four children. We have been dating for over a year and every time he asks me to meet them, I have an excuse ready. They are a constant reminder that he had another life with another woman, and that our life can never be our own. I know I sound really insecure, and I am about this, but I can't help resenting them, the time he has to spend with them and the way my life (if I stay with him) has already been decided for me. I'm not sure I want to have four step-children. I don't have any children of my own and I want our own life with our own baby, one that doesn't include four children that honestly, I don't care about. They're not mine and I don't want them. This is the only issue we have in our relationship. At Christmas, I went to my family's and he actually went to his ex-wife's house to see his kids. Is it just me or that really inappropriate? I think if you are in a new relationship, you need to set boundaries, and do things to make the other person feel more comfortable. I love my boyfriend and everything about him, except his children. I am just so sick of having to put my own feelings and desires on hold, because "the kids need me", "the kids..." WHAT ABOUT ME???? I feel like our life together is being held back because of them. What should I do? As I've never been in this situation before, I don't know if after meeting the kids it gets easier, or if I should break up with him? The last thing I want to do is end things with this guy, but I have to do what is best for me in the end.

Should Have Listened

Posted by Anonymous.

I should have listened to my sister.

She told me to never get involved with a man with small children.

But of course.. me thinking I know everything... didn't listen.

Well, I got into this relationship with a man that I love dearly.

We won't EVEN talk about his ex wife who needs a good slap upside that ugly head of hers...

Anyway...

It's the constant spending of money. The wasting of money that kills me. Maybe because I have very little money of my own and very little to provide for my own nearly grown children that I see it as so wasteful. Whatever they want? They get it. Even if they don't ask for it? Or want it? He buys it. I have literally seen hundreds of dollars being spent on nothing. and everything. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I really don't feel it is jealousy on my part. I just see it as so wasteful and so damaging to the children.

I finally told him that I feel that he is really doing his kids a disservice..that NO ONE is going to be able to please them when they are adults. They will never be happy because no one will be able to provide for them like this.

They are spoiled rotten little children who feel that they "deserve" so much...

They are disrespectful and it sucks.

I can't say too much as I am just a "girlfriend"...and no one wants to hear someone else say something about their parenting.. so I am stuck.

P.S. I do not proclaim to be a perfect parent by any means. I am sure I have made my fair share of mistakes, too.