Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Love and Fear - Update

Update from Anonymous, aka Love and Fear Mama. You can read her original post here.

Morning all. Thank you for all the wonderful support, hadn't really expected so much. I've been picked at by a few in the blogsphere when talking about this... it hasn't been pretty....

Today, once again I hit the brick wall of help. For weeks now I've been trying to get into the "system" to get some form of therapy for myself. Today I was told, that I'm not a good candidate. I'm almost done with the whole thing. I am so tired. My daughter is doing well. Still not sitting, but she is healthy. We don't have a pediatrician (go ahead and gasp in horror). I challenge any of you to try and find one who has evening or weekend hours! Let alone not scared off by the thought of three kids?! Not so easy. I'm working on it though...

She has been assessed this morning at the local health clinic by a nurse practitioner. Seems that she is fine. Doing everything she is supposed to. The sitting thing she attributes to her length! Kittenpie was right =). The NP was a little more concerned by about the third ambulance that went by... I lost it at that point ie. sobbing yet trying to look like I wasn't. I left her a message after the last of the "nope, can't help you" 's this afternoon. She figures I need some help... maybe she can figure something out. I'm done with trying for a bit. Ironically tomorrow night I am to go to a meeting with a therapist with Cancer Care... to discuss my fathers decline in health... I worked in hospice care for four years... I'm too messed up for the "stages of grief" crap I know will be tossed out for me to chew on. Would it be too cruel to ask if I could trade them in for someone with experience with ptsd? Yeah, I thought that would be too mean too... great heaving sigh. Must try to sleep one of these days too...

Thanks for listening again... thanks for being so .... huh.... so great? so wonderful? so understanding? huh... lost for words again... but in a good way.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Please see comments under the original post, I wound up commenting there again. Thanks.

Jezer said...

I am stunned by the amount that you have on your plate. I'm going to second anonymous's advice to ask the CC therapist for a lead, and to ask your OB or another doctor for help. My gyno was the one who spotted my symptoms and got me the help I needed. I'm in the states, though, so I don't know how things work in CA. Just don't give up. Keep asking for help. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

mamatulip said...

I'm sending you tons of (((hugs))).

kittenpie said...

I know it doesn't help with all the other stuff, but I'm glad you at least got a bit of peace of mind about your daughter's health. I knew you hadn't done anything to her well-being! It's easy to say but hard to do I understand but - try to cut yourself some slack. She'll be okay.