Wednesday, March 16, 2011

To My Mother In Law

To My Mother-In-Law,

I am tired of making excuses for you and your behavior. I am tired of defending you because you gave me the love of my life. I am tired of trying to find the good in your cruelty. I am finished with you and will not allow you to passively abuse my family.

Despite what you may believe, postpartum depression is real. I did not abandon your son when I moved back in with my family. YOUR son packed the baby and me in the car and drove us there to save my life. I would have abandoned your son if I had gone through with my frightening thoughts of drowning myself in the bathtub. How can you not see that? Why should we all be punished for doing what was right for us?

How dare you blame my postpartum depression instead of honestly admitting to your lack of interest in your first grandchild. How dare you blame my location on the simple fact you have never met him, 10 months later. Why would you ask me, 5 days after giving birth, if I was allowing my husband to get some rest because he sounds tired? When have you ever shown the least bit of compassion toward me? (Your son is in the middle east! I am alone, a single parent with no help 24/7. Not even an e-mail or a call... once.) I have given your son a child. I have given your son a loving home. I am YOUR grandchild's mother and father for these 8 months. I have gotten help and fought out of the most frightening darkness of depression I have ever experienced. Why do you despise me for these things?

I will never again cry a single tear when I have finished speaking to you. I will let go of my fantasy notion of acceptance from you. I will never again allow you to penetrate my armor which you have forced me to apply and scorch me with hyper criticisms or your passive aggressive silence. When you do not call for my sons birthday, I will forget you exist. This is your loss. This is your own loneliness and punishment. Thank GOD for my family and their involvement with this beautiful little angel. I am sorry for you and your misery.