If you'd like to use this space to vent or rant or tell the stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...
I'm typing this because I'm at my darkest hour. My husband just tried to read this and I blew up at him because I felt I couldn't tell him anything because his comments would not help at all. This is about friendship.
I love my three friends so much but I feel they are leaving me out now. Especially one friend of mine. I was in her wedding few months ago. I feel our friendship is dissolving because of a cliche. They don't have kids and I have a kid. I feel so depressed right now because I was looking at my other friend, L's, blog and got a link to her husband's blog and it showed pictures of L with her hubs, J with her hubs on a holiday out for a nice scooter ride. Earlier that day, J said that L's husband wanted to get together at a park for a BBQ. We waited all day for notification and we never received. We instead sent out e-mails to all friends and invited them over for fireworks at my place. J responded that J and her husband is downtown watching fireworks, nobody else responded. Now when I find out they were on a couples outing with L and her husband and didn't invite us at least to join them downtown. I felt so bad. What's wrong with us?
I also heard from time to time that J and L would be out together with their husband on couples' outing like dinner together. Why couldn't we join? We could have at least been invited, at least felt 'included' and we could try to find a babysitter. Sometimes we can find one last minute. There have been two incidences that happened twice, both similar situations. I would discuss with J, L, and K about doing something the following weekend and I'm all for it. They're all for it. I wait all week looking forward. I even arranged a babysitter. On Saturday, I still haven't heard anything so I send a e-mail asking what time and if it's still on and to please let me know because I arranged a babysitter. I hear nothing at all and end up canceling the babysitter. I was so angry.
Now, I COULD try finding new friends who has kids of their own but I already tried. I joined a moms group when my son was born and attended their gathering at a community gym almost every Friday. I soon lost interest because they never invited me for anything else. I felt like they tolerated my presence. There are other moms groups but they are very cliquely, they either are a group with a similar interest for example all the rich moms. I would love to join but I don't get invited. I sometimes send e-mails encouraging them to let me know next time if there's a group thing or event. I don't get anything. Nobody talks to me. I try to keep in touch with my friends through AIM and e-mails but there's only so much typing you can do. I keep asking them to get together and go out for dinner but they don't ask me to get together.
I'm tired of this. I'm so lonely. I'm in tears typing this because I have a disability and it is so hard to connect with people that don't have the same type of disability I have. Those friends and the moms group I mentioned earlier have the same type of disability. I don't know how to talk to my friends about this because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I'm lonely. Period. But will they understand? Sometimes I go out for girls only thing but ya know, once in a while, I would like to be actually invited to those girls outing or a moms group or something like that, perhaps a couples outing. That'd be so great. All I ask for is consideration once in a while.
I sometimes feel like cutting off all contact with my friends just to teach them a lesson but then one of them will contact me just to talk about general things and I would just happily talk away. That's how desperate I feel for any type of contact. That isn't right. It isn't fair for my husband and my son to have a sad mother. I don't regret becoming a mother, I love my son so much. I remember when I first became pregnant, I was excited about making more friends - especially the moms groups. I really thought they would include me now since I have a child. They didn't. What's wrong with me? Am I wrong for expecting my friends to contribute more?