Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Thin Red Line

Posted by Lara; cross-posted from her blog, Life: The Ongoing Education.

If you follow my blog, you have been reading for quite a while now. Those of you who've recently joined, well, even you have most likely heard or read about the Depression Series by now. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're either a random passerby, in which case I say "Hello, and have a great life!" because you're probably not coming back, or you should take the time to go read up a bit, so that you won't be left behind in this (and future) post(s).

So, as I'm pretty sure you all know, I'm a cutter. I haven't cut in over three months now (as of last Wednesday - hooray!), but I'm still a cutter. I'll always be a cutter, because it'll always be there, in my mind. But I don't always have to cut. I have the power to make other decisions. I have the power to choose not to cut.

At any rate, that was a mini pep talk for myself that sort of strayed from my intended topic here. I'm a cutter, and I've admitted as much to anyone and everyone who might stop by here to visit. Part of my reasoning for that was that I wanted the freedom to talk about myself and my problems; when I wrote the Depression Series, I did so because I needed to share all the crap inside my head and my heart, and that included the cutting. But there was also a part of me that chose to talk about the cutting because I know it's not something that's often talked about. The amount of attention it receives in society is completely out of proportion with the number of people dealing with it. The silence about it upsets me, because if I'd known about it, and about how many others were struggling with it, it might have been easier for me to get help sooner.

So I wanted to put it out there, shout out to say, "Hey, I'm here and I have this problem, and it doesn't make me a freak." And what I realized at the time, and what has come to be proven since, is that people probably have a lot of questions about it. Most people don't know about it, or know very little if they do. And, more importantly, most people don't know where to go to ask about it.

So here I am. Ask me.

I want to tell my stories. I want to answer your questions. I want people to know more about this problem that so many out there have. That's why I'm giving myself out as a resource. Anything and everything you've ever wanted to know about cutting, I will do my best to answer. You can leave questions in the comments, email me, IM me, call me, whatever. All questions will remain anonymous and will be answered here in a future post (or posts, if there are a lot of questions). And forward this to anyone you think might also have questions, or even post a link to it on your own site if you're willing. This, while perhaps not a "cause," per se, is my thing. I care about it, the way Her Bad Mother cares about muscular dystrophy , the way Julia cares about diabetes, the way Little Shot cares about global warming. I want people to know more about it.

One thing to keep in mind, however: I am not a pyschologist. Clinical questions about the disorder might not be so easy for me to answer, and would probably be answered by a lot of Googling. Questions about the personal and emotional experiences are going to be more my strong point. But as I said, I'll do my best to answer any questions you toss my way.

So really, please, what do you want to know? Because I want to talk.


Anonymous said...

I don't have any questions for you because, while I've been in therapy after my son was born, my problems didn't manifest this way. However, I do want to commend you for being so open, so not-anonymous, and for speaking out and trying to help people who might need your help or just a connection with someone who knows what they've been through.

*getting to my feet and clapping hard enough to make my hands hurt*

Redneck Mommy said...

Well, first off, kudos to you darling, for standing up to admit this to help others. You are a brave chicky!

I respect that.

I guess I am fairly ignorant to the whole premise of cutting. I understand that you cut yourself to stop hurting...or something like that, right?

I would just like to understand what it is you feel when you do cut, before, during and after. What drives a person to harm themselves this way.

Just looking for clarity, a personal opinion, that's all.

Good luck to you, brave girl.

ewe are here said...

I don't have any questions. Just want to say how courageous you are to be so open and honest about cutting, and your desire to help others deal with it. Because I know there are a lot of cutters out there, and they people they can relate to to talk about it.

Anonymous said...

I think that cutting is difficult to understand because it involves pain... what draws the cutter to cause pain to herself?

Amber said...

I had a stint with cutting when I was young...Luckily I was able to pullout of it.(although I still have small scars) But as a counselor I have worked with lots of kids who do this. I know it is hard and it is silent. And the more nobody talks about it or sees it happening, the more the people doing it will feel alone and lost...Which only feeds it.

Thank you for standing up and speaking.


Anonymous said...

I'm thinking it would be fun to hang out with you. We have alot in common.

I haven't cut in over a year, but like you said, I'll always be a cutter. I can see it in other people, and I want to reach out to them-tell them it's ok, and there are other choices. Someone should say something.

I haven't addressed it yet at my blog (, but I think it's a great idea and I will do so soon. SO many subjects, so few days!

Anyhoo, pleasure to meet you, and I'll be visiting you often!