Posted By Anonymous
My husband is in constant physical pain. We don’t even really know what’s wrong with him (one doctor said RA, another said Neuropathy), but the pain is so bad that he can barely walk some days. Other days he gets fed up and just yells at anyone who crosses his path. On those days our kids are afraid of him. He’s not physically abusive, but the yelling bothers them a great deal. This morning my 2 year old son was sitting on the couch and when my husband came in and sat next to him, my son cried and reached up for me to pick him up. I’m afraid he will never remember his father any other way.
A couple of weeks ago we all went out to a community fair and had to walk a little ways from where we parked. My husband started yelling at me that I didn’t understand what he was going through (even though I had offered to drop him off right at the gate and then go park and walk back). There was such a hateful sound in his voice and I was so ashamed that he was acting that way out in public, in front of our children and total strangers, that I found myself wishing he would die and leave me in peace.
I know how horrible that is. And I feel guilty for it the most when my husband has calmer moments and sits with me and talks with me and really listens.
I don’t know how to live this life. I hate my job and have hated it for years, but I can’t quit and risk a pay cut and loss of health coverage for my family. One of the few comforts I find (other than my children) is in food, especially sweets, and my weight is out of control.
Obviously I feel for him, being in pain all the time is terrible. But his health and behavior is affecting all of us, and it seems like something has to give.