Friday, October 31, 2008

Dear House Guest

Posted by Anonymous


Dear House Guest,

I’m not a person who thinks this about kids very often, at all. But. Your daughter is a brat. I won’t have her pouting and ruining the fun for everyone else while you are here for the next two weeks, so yes, I will be continuing to say things to her to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Sorry you don’t like it – but really? I can’t believe that among all our extended family, nobody says anything to her or to you about it. You’re in my house now – so I’m saying something. My kid has started copying her pouting, victim, whiney, everybody-is-to-blame, zero-responsibility, I’m-the-center-of-the-universe thing, and I’m just not going to have it. By the time you leave, she’ll at least know what she can’t get away with in this household. And hopefully I’ll set an example for you, her mother, of what she can’t get away with in the real world.

I also wanted to talk to you about that wishy-washy thing you do when I ask you what you’d like to do each day. This vacation is for you, not for me. Just answer the fucking question, ok? Don’t leave it up to me to guess what you would like to see and do in the big city. When I give you a list of 10 options, pick one, and we’ll go with it. If you do that crap again today, we’re going to stay home. I’ll sit right here and work, and you can watch TV, entertain my kids, do my laundry, make dinner for everyone and then clean up afterwards! That sounds like an awesome vacation to me. That would be my choice. So, seriously. Fucking pick something.

One last thing, as long as I’m writing a letter to you that you are never going to read. I fully understand that it is 8am right now, where you live, and that you went to bed really early last night. But it is 6am here. So shut the fuck up.

When I came out and asked you to please not clink your spoons like that and to keep your voices down, because it had just woken me up and I didn’t want it to wake up the kids – and you said, “There were no spoons! You imagined it! Go back to sleep!” That shit was not funny. At all. I tried to go to back to sleep, but I was too pissed off at your non-funny “joke.”

Then, when I came out to get a cup of coffee too, and you cracked another covert joke about how I looked like I needed some sleep? Not funny. When I said, “That’s really not funny, the “humor” is actually pissing me off, so I can’t sleep.” And you looked all horrified? That’s nothing compared to what I wanted to say to you. So suck it up and be happy that I didn’t tell you to fuck off.

In about half an hour, I’m probably going to feel like I should apologize to you, in order to keep the peace and let you have a pleasant vacation. And I’ll do that. Then I’ll decide what you want to do today, and I’ll pack us all a lunch and load up the van so we can go. I’m a nice person, see? I take responsibility for the feelings of those around me. I don’t think I’m the center of the universe. I don’t whine and act like a victim. I don’t pout and blame other people for the situations I find myself in. Oh wait. This sounds familiar. I’m beginning to see why your daughter gets away with all that.

Ten more days!


Love,

Me

15 comments:

Candy said...

Yikes! Once again, I thank the house-gods who made sure I had just enough bedrooms as people sleeping in them, and couldn't ever have house-guests. Yay me. Sorry for you.

Jill said...

Those are going to be some MF long 10 days. Hang in there...

Anonymous said...

House guest are like fish. They stink after three days. I wouldn't invite them back.

Anonymous said...

sounds like my SIL.
she uses every clean towel never hangs them up when she is finished with them so they sit stinking in balls on the floor.
all her kids eat are sweets and alpaghettis, she has the nerve to be upset about the kids being allergic b/c i have a cat that i PAID $30 / day to board while she was here. and she didnt even thank me.
so next time i say = get a hotel and if you can't afford it, then dont visit.

Anonymous said...

I totally could have written this to the family guests we just hosted. Ugh.

ewe are here said...

Ugh. Makes me want to ban guests.

phulmaya said...

OH MAN do I feel your pain! My mil comes, sits, and stares. Unable to say what she wants to do, to eat, etc etc etc. AND she doesn't interact with my kids. AND she turns my husband into the angst ridden 16 year-old-who-just-got-kicked-out-of-the-house - the one I was attracted to a zillion years ago but now drives me up the wall. AND she does no laundry, picks up no mess, cooks no dinner (doesn't even spring for take out!) Oh, but she did give my 4 day old son Splenda. At least that's something.
In soliderity my friend.

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate house guests.
You have my sympathy.

Rachael said...

Oh my God. Sometimes I am really glad that there is no room in my tiny house for visitors.

Kandee said...

Yes, it's good to set the boundaries in your house. And it's hard when you have guests that show your kids all the things you don't want them to be.

On another note, I just want to know what this 'real world' is and how many people actually don't live in it.

Anonymous said...

Time for a chat with the visitors. It is your house and YOU have rules. Don't back down, you have every right to set them straight.

I have a brother that arrived with no date of departure in mind. We finally told him 7 days is our guest limit and by day 2 we are sorry we didn't make the limit 7 hours!

Becky said...

Wow, 2 weeks is a long time! Maybe this is family? 'Cause I can't IMAGINE hosting anyone else for that long. Hang in there--also, I do think that some real ground rules will make everybody have a better time. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Wow, my sister and her self serving gets-her-way-or-she'll-scream-till-she-does brat are staying at your house??? Bless your your, you poor poor thing! Hopefully you haven't dare taken them to a restaurant and endured the 9 yr old climbing under the table welling up with tears after her food has come and she demands you hand over your order too for her to play in and decide it is too nasty to eat. I wanted to sit them down a loooong time ago and tell them what the hell was up but you know, the whole victim "everybody hates me" thing. I bet your tongue is bloody from all the biting, mine is permanently dented!

How are house guests like fish? After 3 days they both start to stink! Hope they go home soon!

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