Monday, February 23, 2009


Posted by Anonymous.

My husband and I are moving to a big city, in a different province, in 8 days. EIGHT DAYS!!! we've gotten rid of basically everything we own. Our bed, dressers, couches, everything! Were moving because my husband is sick of being told if he's going to work or not, and for how long. In August, he was laid off by a company he worked for, for 3 years. I mean, it's completely understandable that they had to lay him off, they were shutting down. He was jobless for two weeks. Then got another job, at another mill. He's been there all of 2 months, and was recently told that, for Christmas there taking two weeks off. Everyone has to, there's no odd jobs he can do. On the following Monday, they held a meeting to inform their employees that, after the two week break, they will promptly going down to 3 shifts a week. WHAT!!!! you have GOT to be kidding.... So now, my husband is seriously pissed off, yet again he's going to be laid off. He has no seniority at the new job, so chances of him even being on the three shifts a weeks, is basically non-existent.

He wants to move. He wants me to move away from my family (and the rest of his) And head off to Alberta. What really, really makes this suck so much. Is because i made the final decision. I can't back out now!! I mean don't get me wrong, the only reason were doing this is because his brother has a job lined up for him. So its not like were just winging it. And there kind enough to let us stay with them, until we get on our feet. Which i couldnt be happier about. But i know myself, i don't do well in big cities!!! don't have my liscence and have had somewhat bad experiences with transit and greyhound bus rides. Although, i heard it is easier to get your liscence there. We'll see.

The upside, is that there's way better job opportunities there for me! Should I feel bad for feeling so selfish?!?!? I know he's scared and nervous about it too, he asked me not to voice how I felt, because then we really would be backing out. We can't turn back now, his two weeks notice was already put it, we leave in 8 days, i don't have a job anymore, and ALL of our stuff is either gone, or spoken for, and leaving this weekend. The reason I keep re-thinking our decision, is because in one day, I was asked by my dad, his step-dad and my other sister's best friend's mom if I truly wanted to do this, and do I have any doubts, and basically just begging me to tell them i'm scared shitless. I've never been so scared of the future in my entire life. I've also never been so excited about it at the same time.

I was hoping that writing how I felt out would help me feel better. In a way it has, but I still feel doubt....will it ever go away?!?!


Anonymous said...

I think you'll always wonder what might have been either way. You're going, so every once in awhile, you're bound to wonder how your life would be if you hadn't. And if you didn't, you'd wonder about that too.

You don't say much about your family either way, but they might have been asking you about doubts because they don't want you going so far away. Which is sweet but not so helpful.

Go, go, go. Sure, I'm sure you're scared to death. My husband got a job in the city we're in now, and we took off. I quit a great job to move to an area I was totally unfamiliar with and didn't know a soul. It was hard, and scary, and there was one day when I had a total meltdown over being sick and wanting soup and having no idea where some soup could be had....

But it was a wonderful, wonderful adventure that brought hubby and I closer as we learned the hang of our new city together, and five years later? I belong here. No, scratch that- I Belong here. With a capital B.

Go for it. I'll send you some luck and some courage. ;)

Jenni said...

Sometimes really tough decisions we make turn out to be the best ones. Sometimes a path is put in front of us that we really resist stepping on; and every path we take around it, leads right back to it, forcing us to finally step on that path...and then we wonder why we didn't want to step on this path because it leads to such great things.

I'm not saying that's what is happening here; but I remember making a move that I REALLY didn't want to make, but I had no way around it. Because of that move, I met my husband, ended up with my dream job, and am living a life I never would have lived if I hadn't made that move. I never would have thought these things were on that path.

Now, when those paths appear before me that I am scared to go down, I bravely step forward. Oh, I'm still nervous, but it's more of an excited nervous now. I know God has something great planned for me down those paths...and he always does.

In some ways, I see those family members who are asking you if this is really what you want to do as being selfish. What they're really saying is, "I don't want you to go, it's too hard on ME."

When my best friend decided (with her husband) to move across the country with my 1 and 2 year old goddaughters, I was furious. I wanted to be there every day with those girls; I didn't want those other few family members to get to have them every day. But she never knew these feelings of mine until years after she moved. That wasn't fair to her; she was struggling, just like you, with this move. She needed my support, not my judgement.

Remember that; remind them of that; it's always tough when people move away, but there's always email, blogs, and webcams.

Anonymous said...

I'm a non-driver too, and honestly for me big cities are the easiest places to live without a license. For one thing, you can live in a neighbourhood that has everything within walking distance!

For another thing, every city's transit system is different--don't let a bad experience in one city turn you off another. I haven't had any personal experience of transit in Calgary but I have in Edmonton and it was fine. (I'm assuming you are moving to one of those places simply because there aren't any other cities in Alberta... but it applies to lots of medium towns too).

Best of luck to you--there's a lot to love in Alberta, especially some of the most beautiful scenery on the planet.

Anonymous said...

I know you're nervous, but in all honesty, I am insanely jealous of you.
I would kill to get the hell out of this rut. Go for it.

Anonymous said...

Alberta's not so bad, I live here! And the cities really aren't that big here. Bigger than you're used to, perhaps, but pretty easy to get used to. The above commenter is right...Edmonton has a pretty decent transit system, and I'm sure Calgary's not bad either. Good luck with your move! Take care.

Anonymous said...

'Feel the fear and do it anyway' - is a good book to read.

Anonymous said...

Just go! Give it a chance. You can always come back home if you both hate it. Plus you'll have an income, which makes life much easier.

Awesome Mom said...

Hang in there!!! We have had to move a lot for my husband's job and it never gets easier. Change is hard and moving is a huge change. I think that once you settle in you will start to adjust and find a new normal that is hopefully much better for you and your husband.

Mrs. Natasha Sawatzky said...

We moved. I survived it lol and were doing great....and edmonton is where were at lol

gooddog said...

It's OK to be scared out of your mind. it's Ok to doubt and question. But, GO! This is one of those times in your life you will look back at and be proud that you TRIED. Nothing has to be forever. You are TRYING! Hold on to each other and give yourself grace to fear and cry and be scared AND take the next step. I think it's great.

Anonymous said...

When I was a kid I moved from England to Spain. I was TERRIFIED. The worst thing my parents ever did? Moving back to England 18 months later. I loved it. 16 years later I still call Spain 'home'.

If you hate it, you can go home. Once you've settled in and made a few friends (easier when you're going to stay with some relatives!) you'll wonder what you were worried about. And if your family members are selfish enough to make this even harder for you then they obviously don't have your best interests at heart, only their own.

Jill said...

It's OK to be scared. It's OK to say out loud that this big change makes you nervous. It's perfectly natural. It's too bad you can't talk to your husband about your feelings without him assuming that you want to back out. But if you know that it's the best move for you, channel that nervous energy into your job search and into making this scary situation into more of an adventure!

Anonymous said...

4 years ago, my husband and i packed up our newborn son, 2 cats, and everything we could fit into our car (left the rest for movers), and moved 7 hours away, across a border, to New York state. we left all of our families behind and started completely from scratch so that my husband could work in the field he's gifted in and called to. i resigned my dream job and ended up becoming a sahm (not in my plans originally at all).

i *knew* deep inside that this was best for us - but it was still so hard to leave everything we'd built behind and start over. i think it's okay to say if you're scared or whatever... your husband is your partner in this, he should know how you're feeling. being scared doesn't mean that you're making the wrong decision - huge life changes are NEVER easy.

i have to be honest and say that 4 years later there are days when i would LOVE to move home, i just miss people and places there so much. but i know we made the right choice, and you'll get to that point too.