Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Posted by Anonymous

The phone ran a year ago. My silence shattered. My sister on the phone. Crying. Nothing new. Her life stained in a bad neighborhood. With drugs and gangs. There she raised her children, no matter how much family tried to help. She stayed.

And life fell apart. With that phone call and with the tears, her life ended. Her son's life ended, all because her son.

My nephew.

Took someone's life.

The unthinkable. No words could say how I felt at that moment. All my love and all my hate swelled up in my throat. I had no thoughts. I was sick.

Sixteen, on drugs, an alcoholic. Sixteen. And he had killed another man.

In a instant too many lives change. My family shamed and stained with the choice of a young man, a young man taken in by so many, hands that tried to reach. And still he choose that road.

This is the unspoken at parties. We laugh. And talk, but over our heads is this darkness. The unspoken child sitting in a cell, for the rest of our lives, for the rest of his. And we go on. Our life goes on. But his stands still, forever. Till the day he dies.

And that unknown family that mourns. For the father, husband that is forever lost. They shares in the darkness of the brutal. Unthinkable. The pain of losing someone they loved and cared for. That cared for others. And dreamed of happily ever....

And I know no words, no thoughts will make it go away. But sometimes I close my eyes and wish it away.

Wish for that boy to walk the earth again and do good. To know we loved him.

For that father that is gone to embrace his family. Whole.


Missicat said...

Very powerful. I think we forget that you don't have to be in prison to be in prison.
Very sorry for your family.

ewe are here said...

Sometimes, sadly, you just can't reach them until it's too late. And even then...

I'm sorry for your family.

Mr Lady said...

This breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart that a child is imprisoned for the rest of his life at sixteen. It breaks my heart that a family is without a father. It breaks my heart for all of you.

I am just so sorry.

CheekySweetie said...

I just had to push for my own son to get help from the juvenile justice system, because I was so afraid this would be his story in no time. I know it doesn't help your pain, but thank you for affirming that the painful decision I made was the right one.

Both your family and the victim's will be in my prayers.

sam {temptingmama} said...

OMG. I can't even imagine.

This is really eye opening because more often than not we blame the person who took that life as well as that person's family. Subconsiously.

I am so sorry for you, your family as well as the family of that man.

bronzebabee said...

this is so sad...too bad that it has to be real...i am Sorry...

Loralee Choate said...

Oh, this kills me.

While there hasn't been a murder involved my family has been on BOTH sides of a crime so horrible the prison time is on the same playing field as murder.

Our family has had both a victim AND an offender.

Being a victim is so terrible, you can't imagine. The criminal process is not easy on anyone and often you feel re-victimized by it all over again. In this case a life was lost that can never be replaced and the family is changed and hurt forever. It is truly horrible.

The fall out of having a loved one of an offender is horrible, too. In some ways it can be worse. You are a victim as well (provided you didn't attribute to the crime) and you also have to try and reconcile the person that you love with someone that could do something so horrible.

You also have to face the loss of them in your life to the criminal justice system.

You feel acute pain for the victim and family and sometimes feel guilty and shamed that you still love the offender that did those things. You are looked at with hatred and suspicion just for the blood tie that you share. The social stigma can be HUGE.

Victims have resources and support. The victims left by the offender usually have to fend for themselves. For an offender's family there is NO support. NO understanding. NO literature to read, books to buy, programs to attend. Or if there is, it is very little.

There IS a lot of shame, hurt, and guilt.

I could go on forever, but please know my heart is aching for EVERYONE in this situation.

Jenn said...



This is just...no.

I am so sorry. There are no words that are right.

Terri said...

oh crap, this is a heartbreaking post. So sorry. For everyone.