Sunday, May 03, 2009

Can Kids Ruin A Friendship?

Posted by Anonymous.

Okay, so I work at a job that I love. It's close to home, my hours are flexible, my boss is my best friend. The problem? Her children. I mean, never in my life have I dealt with such horrid little people in my life. It is so awkward because not only am I dealing with my best friend's kids, it's also the boss's kids. It's a no win situation.

I have huge issues with people who do not discipline their children in any way shape or form. You are not doing ANYONE any favors by letting these beasts get away with what they do, my friend! I mean, your youngest is a thief who steals money not only from the cash register but also the deposit bags! Do you punish him? No. Do you make sure that it doesn't happen again? No. You gently tell him not to do it. THIS is one of the main reasons I do not invite you in to my home. I do not wish to be robbed.

Your middle child is a slob. She is continually dirty, disrespectful and in general, not pleasant to be around. The fact that she continually interrupts our every conversation for no reason other than to hang on you and have the attention focused on herself, is utterly annoying. Do you ever tell her that we are having a private conversation and ask her to wait? No!

Your eldest child is the worst. She, too, is a slob. Her whole demeanor is slovenly. Please teach her how to dress and walk! She does not need to be given a job sitting behind the desk. She is 13 years old and needs to actually move her fat ass a bit! The way that she speaks to me and other adults is appalling! She is not an adult. She is not entitled to be in adult conversations. Her superiority complex is a disgrace for someone her age. Her attitude that "This is my parents store and I'll do what I please" is disrespectful not only to me and all of the customers who come in here, but you should see this as disrespectful to YOU! Because she is representing you and when people see a fat, lazy, foul mouthed brat behind the desk, they do not want to come back!

My final straw was this weekend while at your middle child's birthday party. Your 13 year old shoved me repeatedly, insulted me, grabbed at me and was just constantly offensive and you laughed with her and said she was just joking! No, she wasn't! This is your child's normal behavior and it is horrific. I cannot even stand the sight of her and am praying that I find another job just so that I do not have to see HER anymore.

Instead of making excuses for these ill-mannered, horrid people, how about teaching them some manners? Instead of rewarding them with candy, snacks and sodas how about making them take responsibility for their behavior and punishing them? I don't want to lose our friendship but the constant strain of being around your children makes me want to have nothing to do with you. Your husband once thanked me for befriending you. Maybe you'd have more friends if you tamed these children in to being normal, respectful human beings.


Hayley said...

You are in quite a spot, my friend! Is there any way you can tell her how you feel? "You're my best friend and I'm concerned about..." and so forth? I would hope that she would be a true friend and at least listen to what you have to say without getting too angry.

BUT- when it comes to their kids, people can be so blind and defensive. It's the norm, actually. So if you decide to say something to her- be ready to give up the friendship, and have a job lined up, just in case!

Just my thoughts on a hard situation and I'll be curious to see what kind of advice you get... Good luck! You're truly a saint to have put up with this as long as you have- I would've cut and run a long time ago!

Ammy said...

i'm in roughly the same boat with you. my best friend's little brother is THE most horrific thing that i have ever met. EVER

he stole his mother's money, his mother LETS him keep it and keeps it a secret. (he is eight btw) he took her sister's (my best friend) ipod and broke it, and what does the father do? he told the sister to stop whining and bought a new one for her. and another one for him, thus encouraging him to keep taking his sister's things (and sometimes MINE) without permission.

and i hate to say this, but my friend is the sort of person who cannot stand confrontation so all she does is stand by meekly and watches as her little brother turns into a menace.

it got to a point where the only time i'd hang out with her is when we're in school or if we have an outing planned, and even then, he'd DEMAND (not ask, oh, GOD FORBID HE SHOULD ASK POLITELY) to come along and the whole day would be ruined thanks to his "I WANT THIS, I WANT THAT, GIVE IT TO ME YOU IDIOT" exclamations.

i guess what you should do is see if your friend is worth all the trouble, and if your job is really THAT great enough for you to continue working/being friends with her. i know how it feels to be in that position so i wish you the best luck!

litanyofbritt said...

brats!! i can't stand brats either!! i'm not talking the normal age appropriate annoyance, but the untamed beastliness that is cute only to the parents of the beasts.

i have no idea how you can save your friendship other than to switch jobs. its really hard to complain to people about their kids without it becoming a "thing". maybe you could talk to the husband and avoid the "mama bear" drama.
good luck!

Jill said...

Those kids sound horrid! I will just never understand how parents can let their kids act that way. But the parents that do are generally not the kind you can talk to about this sort of thing. Maybe if you're not working for her and exposed to her kids all the time, it will easier for you to maintain a friendship with her. No one said you have to be friends with her kids!

Unknown said...

Sorry. No sympathy for you. It sounds to me like you're from the old school of "I'm older so I automatically get respect. And you kids? You're just footstools to my adultness. Because I'm the adult. Now run, run I say! Fetch me my slippers!"

Okay, maybe I'm being a little over the top, but I am right when I say that the days of auto-respect a la adult is gone. There are way too many young people doing fabulous things where as they wouldn't have gotten the opportunity if we were still in the seniority system and not the merit system.

These kids will grow up. They will eventually have to learn how to be around others and deal with the consequences of their actions. But you are not going to squeeze respect out of them. They'll just find people who accept them for who they are unconditionally.

And as for you, you will have to find new friends that have kids who match your idea of 'perfect little ones'.

I'm still wishing you all the best of luck. Hope things work out.

Karen said...

Can't agree with Kandeezie, I'm afraid. Kids have a right to be kids, but kids shoving, grabbing and insulting _anyone_ else ought to be corrected. (Notice that I'm not basing this on the shovee's age. Would it be better if the 13-year-old had been shoving and grabbing and insulting a 4-year-old rather than her mother's employee?)

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that I am glad I don't know you, as instead of putting your big girl panties on and talk to her, you come here and say horrid things about her children behind her back, SHAME on you. If you can't go to her and speak to her with an ounce of respect, how do you expect anything to change.

Gina said...

That is a tough situation. It's really sad she can't speak up to her kids... like she'd rather be their friends than a parent. I'd for sure be looking for another job so I could avoid all contact. I can't hide irritation well at all, so I'd either talk to her or get out of it altogether.

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with Kandeezie, either. Is she serious????

Anonymous said...

Shoving, insulting, grabbing, and stealing are definitely inappropriate behaviours and I can see why they upset you so much.

However, I don't think the bodies of these children are your business. What does it really matter to you if these children are fat or thin? Also, what is really wrong with a 13-year-old participating in an adult conversation? I know many 13-year-olds who are quite capable of doing so, and I try to include even much younger children in conversation when they are around. What does it take to be "entitled" to be included in a conversation?

just me. said...

what is with all people who comment on so many of these entries and say "put on your big girl panties"? How is that helpful? How is that respectful?