Preamble: I met someone, fell hard for him, and then found out he had lied about being married. They hadn't been divorced for 5 years - they had actually just celebrated their 10-year anniversary.
Here is the email I sent him after I found out...
Subject: WOW
Dear Russell:
Wow – that’s still the word to use. However, it certainly is meant in a totally different context than it did last week.
Congratulations – you fooled me. I fell for it all – hook, line, and sinker. You are good at what you do. Or maybe I am just the perfect victim. It seems like you have had plenty of practice. You know exactly what to say, exactly what to do. You certainly know how to pick them, I’ll give you that.
The thing that pisses me off the most is that my son was involved. Maybe in the future, you should leave the kids out of the picture.
I don’t necessarily have a problem with you being married. It’s the fact that you lied about it. You lied about a lot. I’ll never know which things you said were true and which weren’t. It doesn’t even matter. I’ll never know where you were coming from or what you were thinking. Or if you were even thinking.
I don’t have an issue with casual encounters, as long as both parties are aware of the situation. Honesty will get you a lot further in life. Unless of course this is exactly what you were after. The game, the lie, the idea to completely fool them, the conquest. Did you go home and laugh? Does it make you feel more like a man to dupe someone? Do you even care about how your actions affect other people? Maybe this is exactly what you are after. If so, time to move on to the next conquest.
I will take some positive things from this experience. Not quite sure what all that will be yet. But one thing’s for sure, I know now to trust my gut over my heart. I still believe in myself and what I have to offer.
Looking back, there were a lot of red flags.
Congrats to you and your (3rd?) wife on 10 wonderful years of marriage. I’m sure your whole family is proud of you.
10 comments:
That really stinks and I'm so sorry you have to go through it. You are conducting yourself with grace and dignity. Nicely done.
not to be rude, but! i lost all my sympathy when you said you "don’t necessarily have a problem with" him being married. so long as there is no respect for other people's relationships (i.e. a presumably innocent wife) you aren't going to attract a quality person. there needs to be some sort of standards in place, right? i'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you meant you were ok with him being separated from and in the process of, divorcing his wife. if not, then you can't expect someone to behave morally if you yourself are not exhibiting morals.
and if he tried to weasel himself into your child's life, too, than he is an even bigger scumbag than you've described. i'm very thankful to not be single with children because it has to be complicated trying to decide when is too soon to introduce someone, etc. people that hurt kids have a special place in hell reserved for 'em.
you were good to email him and let him know he is a creep.
You're much too kind. I'd've copied his wife on the email or sent her a message via facebook or something! She deserves to know what a scumbag she's married to.
If you don't have a problem with him being married and you don't have an issue with casual encounters then look at it this way: What happened to you was a lot less severe than what would have happened to his wife had she found out about the two of you.
it is not right for this main to lie to you (and your son) and for this, i am sorry. but, it also is not right for you to be ok with lying to the married man's wife. because that would have been what you are doing. by collaboration with the husband, omission...whatever your want to call it. it seems like you are saying it would have been alright for this man to cheat on his wife with you if he would have just been upfront about it. but think about it...he is cheating on his wife, i assume by not telling her about it. therefore, he is a liar. and if he is going to lie to his wife of 10 years, why in world do you think he would be honest with you? and if you are just ok with him lying, you are also lying...to the wife and to yourself if you think he's worth it and you yourself are not partly responsible for the damage.
i also would have told the wife. she deserves to know and choose what to do with the rest of her life.
I have to agree with the other readers. YOU DIDNT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM BEING MARRIED??? I felt sorry for you up until then. A person cheating on their spouse is not right. I guess you now know how his wife feels.
Felt sorry for you up until the "don't have a problem with you being married" part. Home wreckers lose any sympathy I might have had. Don't get me wrong. I'm not implying that you were the only home wrecker in this equation.
The only persons I feel bad for here are his wife, their children and your son.
Might want to get tested, though I don't think there is a drug strong enough to heal skank.
I am glad others saw the part of you being not only a slut who enjoys casual encounters but you also enjoy them with other women's husbands and really wouldn't have had a problem with it if he hadn't of lied about it???? Are you for real????
YOU are at fault here, sorry. You fed into all of his lies and was a willing participant. How any woman can NOT know a man she is seeing is married is beyond me!!!!
You don't necessarily have a problem with him being married? That explains why you were an easy victim in this situation. If you are ok with compromised morals-then you are going to draw people with compromised morals into your life.
Raise your own standards and you will begin to attract people with that have higher standards of their own. You deserve it and your child surely does as well.
I don't feel you are at fault here and I don't believe you are a "skank" or a "slut". I am sorry that you were fooled and you were involved in a situation like this. I hope you find the positive things from this experience and move forward to a happier place in your life. Good luck to you.
Shame on those people who are calling you names. They don't know your situation and they obviously don't know how to handle themselves on these blogs.
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