I dropped the ball again.
I married very young. I was in love. In a few short years after the birth of two children, I knew I had outgrown him. I knew I would have nothing if I stayed with him. He was unfaithful to boot. When I decided to leave he became obsessed with keeping me. It took me 3 years to get my divorce. I am sure that this part of my story is common.
I dropped the ball by not pursuing him for child support. The laws were different when we divorced in 84. If he was not working, which he conveniently did not, no support was ordered. Once I found out he was working, I started the legal ball rolling only to be buried in paperwork and depositions. I had to make the decision whether to continue the fight,or provide for my children. I chose to stop. I could not afford both.
A second marriage required a move to another state. Instead of trying to prevent the move, he brought me papers that stated he would never have to pay anything. I did not sign them.
I tried again a few years later to get him to provide for his children, Once again he made it impossible and the cost too great for me. I stopped again.
The children are now 30 and 32. I recently found out my ex, their father, was in the hospital near death. He had virtually no contact with the kids and went many years between any communication. He almost died. COPD and pneumonia. He recovered, but does not have much of a life.
A new fire rose in me. How could this man die and never leave anything to his children? Nothing. He taught them nothing, gave them nothing but the pain of being abandoned. For the first time in my life I am financially able to fight him. Lawyer, court, judgment. He did not bother to fight it. He thought nothing would happen after all these years. I won a judgment that is almost impossible to collect. I spin my wheels and make myself physically ill trying to get him to do the right thing. He has once again hired an attorney instead of giving anything to his children. Not even a token. No mention in a will. Nothing. He is trying to get the judgement against him vacated for health reasons. He is and has always been sneaky. I am sure his has been hiding everything he can. I spoke to my attorney and all I can do is to throw more money into the fight. I am at the same position I have always been. Do I fight? How much will THIS fight cost? Is it the money or the principle? I know in my heart it is the principle. I want him to own it! I want him to pay for the pain he caused but I don't know how to do it.
Is it right to let it go and drop the ball again? Does a sick man get a pass now just because he is sick? The children do not want to see him now. Everything he has done since his hospitalization has proven to the kids that he does not care... never has. Actions speak louder than words.
I need to find inner peace. Will that peace come from letting it go and moving on, or should I spend the money and try everything I can to continue the fight?