Wednesday, March 16, 2011

To My Mother In Law

To My Mother-In-Law,

I am tired of making excuses for you and your behavior. I am tired of defending you because you gave me the love of my life. I am tired of trying to find the good in your cruelty. I am finished with you and will not allow you to passively abuse my family.

Despite what you may believe, postpartum depression is real. I did not abandon your son when I moved back in with my family. YOUR son packed the baby and me in the car and drove us there to save my life. I would have abandoned your son if I had gone through with my frightening thoughts of drowning myself in the bathtub. How can you not see that? Why should we all be punished for doing what was right for us?

How dare you blame my postpartum depression instead of honestly admitting to your lack of interest in your first grandchild. How dare you blame my location on the simple fact you have never met him, 10 months later. Why would you ask me, 5 days after giving birth, if I was allowing my husband to get some rest because he sounds tired? When have you ever shown the least bit of compassion toward me? (Your son is in the middle east! I am alone, a single parent with no help 24/7. Not even an e-mail or a call... once.) I have given your son a child. I have given your son a loving home. I am YOUR grandchild's mother and father for these 8 months. I have gotten help and fought out of the most frightening darkness of depression I have ever experienced. Why do you despise me for these things?

I will never again cry a single tear when I have finished speaking to you. I will let go of my fantasy notion of acceptance from you. I will never again allow you to penetrate my armor which you have forced me to apply and scorch me with hyper criticisms or your passive aggressive silence. When you do not call for my sons birthday, I will forget you exist. This is your loss. This is your own loneliness and punishment. Thank GOD for my family and their involvement with this beautiful little angel. I am sorry for you and your misery.

S

16 comments:

Mommyto3 said...

(((abounding applause)))

This also sounds like my MIL to a tee, down to the passive aggressive silence.

You are not alone.

Tabulous said...

Sounds like my mother-in-law as well, except she flew across the country and convinced my husband to take custody of our six month old from me and divorce me. Luckily he was eventually able to see her manipulative ways, but yeah. We don't speak to her anymore, which doesn't mean she's really stopped trying to butt into our lives, but if you can hold a unified front against her it'll get easier over time.
Best of luck, lots of love, and sending good vibes your way.

Momma Kelli said...

Bravo. That was amazing!

deebg said...

It will be a year this August that I have not spoken a single word to my MIL...I plan on having Champagne...;)

Cheers

Lisa S said...

You make me appreciate my mother in law all the more. While she is not perfect, she does not come close to yours. So I will try to be more patient with her and ignore the little annoying things she occasionally does and be thankful. I am sorry yours is the way she is. It sounds like you are better off without her. She is missing out on being a grandma to your wonderful little guy. best of Luck to you! Glad you have a supportive family of your own.

Anonymous said...

My mother-in-law is just the opposite - when my child was a baby she couldn't get enough of her and spoiled her rotten, now that she is a teenager, she thinks she is "rude, loud, and not the way she wanted her to turn out, and wants her to see a doctor about her acne and weight (neither of which is bad). I try to keep her away from her as much as possible. It's a shame, it's her only grandchild. Good luck.

lah said...

It's a Crazy Big Club--my MIL has worked hard to wear down every one of her childrens' marriages, mine included. Older BIL cut ties, Older SIL tries to be very Christian, but stays far away, lol, and my DH? Struggling with finally FINALLY seeing her for who she is--it took her unkind words about our beautiful (and brilliant) autistic son, and eventually I just asked him which Mrs.XXX he really wanted to be with. I will never understand these mother's motives or gains. I know she didn't want to have my husband...what kind of person says such things?
She talked trash about my son and that was the sound of that door slamming shut and locking. It's really quite nice.
It's not you. It's not you. It's not you. hxhxhxL

Dan.Eliot said...

Bravo!!!! Clap! Clap!

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Anonymous said...

Bravo! Next question - did you send this letter to her?

x o x o u i said...

"S" don't forget that you are NEVER alone. We readers tend to be faceless strangers here in the blogosphere, but trust me---we are there with you! *hug*

neeroc said...

Hugs and support to you.

Anonymous said...

Good for you for standing up for yourself! Are you getting the professional help you need to get through this depression? If not, please do! For you, your child and your husband. Good luck to you sweetie!

getgoinggirly said...

life is hard enough - we need to surround ourselves with people who care and shed the ones who don't - bloodlines do not dictate who is who in this mix. good luck

Wide Lawns said...

Except for the part about moving back in with my parents, I could have written this word for word for word and I needed to read this today.Thank you. At least I know now I'm not alone. I hate my MIL and her cruelty and disinterest in her first grandchild too. I hate how she judges me for my postpartum and speaking out about it. I hate every little jab and passive aggressive thing she does. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Two years now that i havent spoken to my inlaws. Best two years of my life the peace is worth it all. Write them off and enjoy your life

Jonsi said...

Brilliant. I love this blog and I'm blown away by most of the vignettes told here.

I'm also rather familiar with the evil mother-in-law routine myself. Been there...dark times. Keep going strong S!

Hugs,

Jonsi