As always, if you'd like to use this space to tell stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...
And, don't forget to poke your head in on the circle share, below. Leave your own definitions of selfishness in the comments - or, if you're so inclined, post them at your own blog and leave the link. Next week, I'll post the results of the circle share, with links, as a Very Special Basement Post on selfishness.
My marriage is pretty good for two fairly volatile people with issues. No biggie issues.
The biggest issue that has a ripple effect across the continent is that my libido is vastly lower than my partner's and how I view this vs how he views it.
Life seems fairly simple for him. Really. If he gets enough action, he is a happy little man who can purr along and deal with anything... if he starts to feel thwarted or hard done by, then BLAM! The world explodes.
I apparently have been looking foxy lately... I have not felt this way...I have felt run down and tired (but apparently I always do so that is just an excuse!)...yesterday I felt really beat, but still wanted to take my mom up on her babysitting offer.
Dh wanted a hot date night. I just wanted to get out and would have preferred going out with a group.
HE had visions of many sexual fun and games (though this was supposed to be MY birthday treat, not his!)....and went on and on and on about it....this had the total opposite effect on me and just started to irritate me...especially when it was the middle of the day, I was feeling awful and stuck at my inlaws place!
So I tried to have a good time, but wasn't into bj's in the car or lord knows what else..though I tried to not run screaming and tried to feel good.
We got home and were met with a story and mess about how my son had been brought home by his uncle and started barfing all night long. We had let him stay and go have dinner with the family at Denny's to be returned later.
Apparently he got sick after pop and milk shakes (though us having him out in the sun was too blame...not the junk and not his uncle getting him over excited).
So I talked to mom about this and, yes, she rambles on and then went on about her trip and so on. Dh got pissed and left. I finally got mom out the house.
Dh then went on about how my mom drives him nuts because the date then just ends the moment we walk in the door and the mood is gone and we are stuck listening to my mom and why doesn't she get the hint.
I agreed and apologized for not jumping on this and it was a bad habit (party brought out by the fact that she is our ONE and only babysitter and so humour her) and last night because I was SHATTERED AND REALLY NOT INTO MUCH ELSE!).
Anyway..he got madder and madder and it escalated into him may as well see a hooker for some satisfaction and so on....this is the usual argument by the way.
And how it shows how much I don't care about him etc. I just see it has having a lot more on my list of things that need taken care of in a day....mainly HIS KIDS!
Again..this is a repeat fight. He stormed off and I went and slept with my soon and he then stayed in the bedroom till after two this afternoon. He then took it out on his rambling and irritiating mom who had called about needing him to run an errand and again about heat stroke and so on, and threw the phone across the room.
He is sulking and I don't even want to attempt to deal with it. I know our perspective and libido's clash....I am just not sure how to deal with that! Rallying and getting into it does work.. but I was just unwell last night...plus, he really makes me feel pressured....the language of 'romance' does not impress or do anything... it makes me feel like there is an 'or else' there and I am sure that there is and he just doesn't want to admit it.
It leaves me cold. It leaves me imagining life as a single parent.
I don't think that is the right approach. This is our albatross... this is the biggest issue... the fight arises every couple of months and the same stuff gets chucked out there... I am assuming I have to go get help and get horny. I just don't feel like I want to... not under an 'or else'.
What do I do? He is not a total asshole... he is a good guy. His family are awful and I can't say I was upset to have him yell at his mom... but not for his own personal reasons. I don't even want to deal and that is bad. Do I go groveling to him... you are right I am wrong...how can I fix it? All that?
I cannot talk to anyone about this... it is just not me.
I thought maybe the blogging crew lurking around the Basement might have some sage words for me...