Thursday, September 07, 2006

Saying it out loud feels goooood

Posted by Anonymous.

As always, if you'd like to use this space to tell stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...


For the past two years my DH has been involved with helping start a new Cub Scout program in our itty bitty town. He did make it through Eagle Scouts and was the only parent/leader that actually was in the Scouts as a child growing up. Did that count for anything with the Cub Master? Oh hell no. For the past two years we have been putting up with her running it HER way and only HER way. And she has absolutely NO EXPERIENCE doing this. We have put up with her hanging the phone up on him simply because he questioned her about the # of pizza's she was planning to order. For two years we put up w/ her getting angry and bullistic about issues as small as that. Seriously.

Even though my DH is the Webolos leader, has done all the training, does his research both in the materials given and online... according to her… he is NEVER right.

DH and I were arguing every week after every meeting about what was said/done/ implied. I can take only so many rants and begged for us to go elsewhere w/ our son. Being the good and oh so stubborn man he is, he stuck to it. Week after week. So figuring I couldn't win that way, I tried to make friends with this woman, outside of Scouts. Turns out we do have some in common and I openly and honestly talked to her about how and what my dh was thinking. He's far too polite to say these things to her. Guess who's not? he he

I joined the blessed council at the beginning of this summer, volunteered and tried to write newsletters. I really shouldn't be so surprised that that didn't fly. She took mine, said something about spelling, and wrote her own. And, oh my, was it bad. I called her on it. And that's how I got to spend a peaceful summer this year without talking to her but once a month.

Before our first council meeting this weekend I again begged my dh to let us go somewhere else. I felt it coming. During that meeting we all got a FIVE minute lecture on how if we didn't like how things were done... to leave. She wasn't subtle, folks. Her philosophy? That no boy in her scouts… (and she calls them all "her boys") should ever have their feelings hurt. ALL craft projects had to be done w/ ALL the dens. Because she doesn't want them to feel left out. That her "boys" would not be going by the book because of that.

My son is mentally disabled, 10 yrs old w/ mentality and emotions of a five year old... and he already knows that there are things he can't yet do, no hard feelings and we move on. He already is treated differently by his peers and etc. He doesn't need to be babied quite that much! Nor do any of the other boys, in my opinion. It's a part of growing up.

The second lecture in this meeting was honesty and how leaders are to represent that. And then she goes " "DH" that means you cannot fudge the points for any kid in your den" and I was WTF??? He's the best leader they have and would never cheat and in fact has had parents resent him for that very fact!!!

We didn't agree with anything that was said during that meeting. DH tried to get his opinion and suggestions in. They were all shut down, ignored... but those were the two biggies to me.

After coming home from that meeting I couldn't even talk to him about it… as he was still willing to try while in my head I was thinking no way in hell.

Monday rolls around and she calls me. I wasn't really intending to discuss Scouts with her, but I had my last button pushed.

Me: You need to tell me...was that lecture directed at just us? Do you want us to leave?
Her: Well your dh and I never agree and blah blah blah
Me : (I interrupt, I know this spiel by heart) You and hubby do not communicate well...
Her: I am so tired of hearing this shit and I won't anymore


Yup once again she hangs up before anyone can explain anything because she's always right.

When dh got home last night I told him that we were not going back there again ever. Period. No more discussion we're done. After he figured out why, he finally agreed. I don't know who irritates me more at this point. I asked him how he wanted to do this… him call her or me. He decided me. I'm the bitch and he knows it lol.

So today I called her… and I started with an apology... it wasn't my intention to hurt her (I'm a libra ) and what did she say?



I said ok then Kevin and I are out. You've asked us to leave and...

… Again with the yelling of GOOOOOOOOOOOOD because I'm so tired of....

I interrupt and still I don't yell, I have kids in the house...

I also want you to know that I will always be entitled to my opinion.

And that I never want to speak to you again.


Not the best come-back. Still pissed because I couldn't or didn't do better. Then I sat and cried. And cried. I thought that outside of Scouts she was an ok friend. I don't have all that many friends… as I don't trust. And she had gained some of my trust. And I don't know why this is so upsetting and my feelings are so hurt when in all honesty a huge STRESS has been removed from my life.

I know some of this is guilt… my dh loves the Scouts and what they stand for. This was his hobby not mine. And when this woman wasn't at the meetings? He had an awesome time. I tried so hard to respect that. Yet I will never allow him near that pack or that woman again.

My dh and I are taking son to a new program and we have a bet. That within two months… all those boys from this pack... will be right there with us.

The tears are gone now. I realize that I haven't lost a friend, as she was never that in the true sense to me. She only got some of trust and some of my loyalty which will now hopefully go to a more worthy person. (Can you tell I've had therapy? rofl)

However I did send her this because I just have to have the last word:

And you believe I have a hard time with forgiving and controlling my rage?

Think about that for a second. I called to sincerely apologize for what popped out of my mouth yesterday. I'm human. I assumed you were also my friend and an adult and that after letting me apologize that you would stop yelling.

I also want to thank you. I've been trying to pull "dh" out of this crap for over a year. But he's a good guy, he made a commitment. He cares and DID compromise and do it your way last year. He, however, is also entitled to an opinion and only hoped that you would listen and then TALK with him about decisions.

Me? Well I can't tell you how glad I am that this stress will no longer be in my life. I am not a social person. I am not what you would call a Christian, and am extremely liberal. I'm just not your kinda people. I accepted that many moons ago. I have bitten my tongue, and have really not told you all my negative thoughts, criticisms, feelings and etc. as I knew and now know for sure... that you’re not capable of handling it.

Now it's time to say good bye, which is always hard for me. You see, like you, I want people to always like me... I just don't try nearly as hard as you do.

But you know what else, you are very right in feeling and thinking


(end of e-mail)

I highly doubt that she will ever respond to that. So putting it here… well kind gives me a wicked sense of satisfaction and yes, that may be evil and selfish. But it makes me feel oh soooooooooo gooooooooooood!


Anonymous said...

OOH -- that lady sounds cookoo. you're totally justified. i mean, scouts are modeled after the military, but why fight a volunteer -- it's not like you get loads of people who want to help!!

My husband is an eagle scout and i did girl scouts for a while. we're "making" our son do 4-H. they seem cooler and have cool entries at the state fair.

Anonymous said...

Well, it was good that you were able to get your concerns off of your chest, regardless of whether you were 'heard.'

And if you and your husband now have another troop to work with - great. Best to avoid things that cause us undue stress, where we can.

Amber said...

That sucks that a person working with kids is such a jerk! Good for you for sending that email. I Am a Chirstian, and not a liberal, really, and I STILL would have told her to kiss my ASS!! LOL

I bet you are right that the others will also leave.


Anonymous said...

I think you, your husband, and your son will end up much happier in your new group. (And probably appreciated, too!) It sounds like that Cub Master really isn't cut out to be working with kids or cooperating with other adults! Your husband certainly gave it the ol' college try, but it was DEFINITELY past time to throw in the towel and find a better fitting group. GOOOOOOD for you for finally getting yourself and your family out of a very icky, stressful and unsatisfying situation!

Anonymous said...

In addition to 4-H, you might want to check out the Spiral Scouts. Not sure there would be a group in a small town, but there may be one near you.

Anonymous said...

Thankyou and I appreciate your taking the time to comment on my post. She did send me an email apologizing because she " is a christian"...said that twice..don't ask me why lol

It only confirmed that we really were right to make this decision for our son and ourselves. The point of Scouts for my son is for both him and his father to have FUN.

Anonymous said...

Is there not some higher chapter that you can report her to and have them come and investigate? It seems that she should not have had the final say.

Krisco said...

There are just some women like that. I say women because I think it always is women. They have to CONTROL everything. They never grew up, never played team sports, never learned to get along.

I am SURE all those boys will join the new pack, and soon. In fact, tell the other mothers. They don't like it either, all her absolute control.

Her poor kids.