Saturday, September 02, 2006

Don't Lower My Worth

Posted by Anonymous.

As always, if you'd like to use this space to tell stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...

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There comes a time in every woman's life when she is forced to realize the truth. And in truth, what she finds is something she herself covered with layers of paint to hide its ugliness.

Upon hearing the compliment, "your daughter's speech is astounding," my husband quickly explained she'd been with his mother for a week. "She's an English teacher."

It doesn’t matter that his daughter's mother -– his wife, I might add --is a writer, nor does it matter that her daycare provider of the last two and a half years is a former English teacher as well. It doesn’t even take into account his daughter has some talents of her own.

"Well, I'm an English teacher," responds a blinking babysitter, just to make him squirm a little. After all, she knows he often speaks before he thinks. "I probably didn't have anything to do with it. And, you know, your wife has a better vocabulary than mine. I'm sure her influence hasn't left a mark."

He didn't bite, he just sucked.

"You are? An English Teacher? Oh … well. … Yeah, but my mom has a PhD."

The comment, relayed after the fact, sent me hurtling back to the movie "Party Girl," a film that introduced me to Parker Posey and a lithe, snide Holly Golightly of the '90s that I wanted to be.

It's the scene where Posey's character, Mary, dumps her boyfriend, Nigel, played by Liev Schreiber, for urinating in her shower.

Her explanation to him is elegant: "You lower my worth."

It occurs to me now just how often he lowers my worth. How often he lowers the worth of all women who didn't singled-handedly raise boys while getting themselves a higher degree than even he ever aspired to attain.

And I think to myself: "I bet he pisses in the shower, too."

7 comments:

SUEB0B said...

I guess the good news is that he appreciates his mama.

But I don't think he lowers your worth. Nothing can. If you choose to believe the inconsiderate things he says, then you will feel like less. But you still won't BE less.

Anonymous said...

I like what Suebob said. Both parts.

And yes, YOU determine your worth. Stand up for it with him. YOU the mama now.

ewe are here said...

Don't let him attempt to devalue you in front of your daughter. If you do, she may start learning not to respect you and your input and accomplishments because, well, why should she if daddy doesn't?

Seriously, don't give him a pass on comments like these. They could very well come back to bite you in your relationship with him and your daughter.

Anonymous said...

I just recently started noticing that my husband does this. I don't think it is a conscious thing, but hurts just the same.

Perstephone said...

I LOVE that line from Party Girl (I also have a mad crush on PP, too!).

What I got from that statement in the movie was that Mary really felt empowered by realizing that she did have worth in the first place and then also realizing what was dragging her down (him). The good news is that she did something about it and that's why this statement rocks.

Anon- I hope that you're able to do something to keep yourself above the shower pissing.

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