Posted by Anonymous.
I am 28 years old and I have never had a loving relationship in my life. Perhaps that’s because until I was 25, my priorities were school and work.
My close friends describe me as educated, smart, successful, well spoken, funny, cute and very kind. Usually when guys meet me, the first thing they say is “you seem like every guy’s dream girl. How come you are single?”
4 years ago, the guy that I was in love with, broke it off because it turned out that he was cheating on his girlfriend with me for a year! I really had no idea! A coupld of other guys I met, never loved me or left me for someone else.
This year, I met someone at work and it seemed like it was instant connection. After about a month, I realized for some health reasons he was rather depressed. But I didn’t want to push him. My grand mother passed away and I decided to spend 2 weekends with my family rather than him. On a Sunday that we were supposed to meet for brunch, he didn’t show up. I called him for 12 hours and I was convinced that something had happened to him, until I saw him at work on Monday morning.
He apologized and said that he couldn’t return my calls because he was with someone else. I still shiver when I recall that conversation.
He said he didn’t think I would be so upset because I am a strong woman and I can have any man I want. Some of his words still buzz in my head: “she is a friend from before. I wasn’t planning on sleeping with her, it just happened.”
He apologized for a whole week and eventually we made up. With have been dating for more than 2 months after that incident, since.
He has introduced me to all his friends and even told his parents about me. This past weekend he met my parents.
I am still very curious about that weekend 2 months ago. He has a lady friend that lives close by and he doesn’t want to talk about her. I am pretty sure she is the woman he slept with.
Sometimes when he doesn’t pick up the phone, I can imagine him with her in bed and I start crying, despite the fact that he has bought me a promise ring, he says he loves me and he will never hurt me again.
I can see him sleeping with someone else if I get pregnant. I picture him saying “it just happened, I wasn’t planning on it”.
I care about him a lot. He is smart and sweet. He is very clean and even cooks for me. We have the same taste in food, clothes, furniture and movies. But I know he is a bit messed up.
I know when he was a child, he was molested. So was I, but I dealt with it. He tried to get married twice before, but was unsuccessful due to bad luck, mostly. He is emotionally unstable, I think.
I am beginning to think that I am emotionally unstable, too.
I am almost sure whoever I meet, will cheat on me eventually. I have always loved to become a mother. But now, I am afraid that the guy will leave me. What if he wants sex and I cannot give him that during pregnancy? What if I get fat and he doesn’t want me anymore?
Why do I hear on the news that 80% of men cheat?
I am pretty sure by now that I don’t deserve love and commitment. I am destined for heart break. I am very scared and confused.