Thursday, May 10, 2007

Let's Talk About Sex

Posted by Anonymous.

I can't take it anymore. I am in a completely sexless marriage and I am so sad about it. My husband and I have only had sex once in the last 3 years. I am ready for baby #2. He says he is but then does nothing to make this happen. Worse, when I try to initiate he has no interest.

I don't know what to do anymore. At this point I am ready to leave. I do not want to live in a marriage where it is 2 roommates raising a child! I am HORNY god damn it!!!!!!!! My vibrator sees lots of action but it isn't enough.

I am sure my husband is depressed or suffering from low testosterone. He won't got see a dr. but I am not ready to threaten. So many friends tell me that don't have sex that often but I am not sure I believe them.

We have been together for 14 years. Sex has always been an issue because I was raped in high school and didn't really like sex. Now I am so ready and he isn't into it at all. What the fuck?????? How long do I suffer? Any suggestions?????????? Help please.


Anonymous said...

I'll be posting anonymously for my hubby's sake.

My husband's libido has lessened in the 10 years we've been married, but we're down to 2-4 times a month. In addition, I don't think the 10 years of scheduled sex for fertility treatments helped our sex life.

Your husband should see a doctor, if not for depression then for a complete physical. If you have a family doctor you could schedule an appointment for yourself and talk to him about it and see if he has any suggestions for you. You have to make sure his depression doesn't drag you down too.

Anonymous said...

I have no advice: only empathy.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and haven't had sex for... 29 weeks.

We used to have lots of sex. 15 years later, not so much. It seems like every other woman complains about having sex X times per week. I measure by weeks between events. Before pregnancy it was about every 4 to 6 weeks.

We've been in therapy for other things (communication, mostly) and the therapist doesn't seemed concerned about the lack of sex: says its an issue of the larger problem and when we work it out we'll be at it again. But it's been years.

Men don't want to talk about it. My husband refuses to talk to his doctor. Asking him only made it worse. The only think that seemed to help him was not caring or putting any pressure. It's hard to feel sexless.

I wish I had an answer. I'll be checking back for others comments.

I feel your pain.

Anonymous said...

could you buy some toys, some lingere, some videos? or take him to a fetish night at a club? i mean those all are riske kind of things but might "ignite" the flame again.

i find my sex life waxes and wanes and that sometimes takes effort as we both get lazy and predictable.

what about viagara

flutter said...

You need to explain to him that his lack of interest isn't only his problem.
Let him know he will lose you if he cannot show you that he desires you and that you deserve to be desired.

Anonymous said...

A male perspective - there is nothing less sexy than being told by a woman she wants to have sex because she wants to have a baby. I take that back - if you're having a lot of sex anyway, and then the woman says she wants to have sex AND have a baby, that's great. But no sex at all and the repeated pressure of the desire for a baby makes a man feel like a means to an end.

To charge him up, and I'm being serious here, try to initiate things that are sexy but are not intercourse. Few guys will resist an offer of oral sex, but simpler things like massage, showering together, etc. are great ways to demonstrate you desire him, not just his reproductive potential. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I thought this was about me. I haven't had sex with my husband since my child was conceived, she is nearly 2. It angers me those comments of try videos, lingiere, inniate, yes they are trying to help but its not about me dressing up or watching porn...I have tried everything, its not a physical thing anymore, my confidence is at an all time low, I resent him for making me celibate, I am struggling on whether I should end a marriage because of sex, but its part of a relationship and I want it and I need intimacy...I feel your needs are by the wayside because he is not interested, rejection has it's toll and I am becoming indifferent to caring about this relationship..

Its not about making him feel desired, not putting pressure on him, I have done the lot, every approach, the bottom line is HE DOESN'T WANT TO no matter what..I sympathise and I empathise

Anonymous said...

I have no advice, either, only empathy. I finally left him but we were only living together, not married, and had no kids.

He never really liked sex that much - he preferred internet porn videos of 2 women - but he blamed it all on me. I must have asked for sex 500 times and offered blow jobs, hand jobs, but I got turned down every time for 4 years and finally stopped asking.

It was and is hell on my self-image.

liv said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I just wish I could give you all a hug---well, except for the dude who came in to comment. My husband's interest in me decreased when he started having an affair. His penis was half-flaccid most of the time and really, he wasn't interested. It made me feel ugly, fat and worthless. Now, I'm on the cusp of being divorced having been separated for months. I would love to have sex, and the truth is that my mind and my heart are not ready for it. And the vibrator just doesn't do it anymore.

Anonymous said...

It's a pretty rare event around here, too. My husband too has a fairly low level of interest, which frustrates me, but he reluctantly agreed to ask his doctor about it. His doctor doesn't think it's a real problem, just that he's not a hig-libido kinda guy. It's hard on the self-esteem. We're in a similar position of thinking we might be ready for a #2, but with no action in the last month or two... Well, we'll see. He's nothing if not goal-oriented, which I think is often part of the problem. If he has something to do, he won't/can't be distracted by sex. But maybe if sex IS the goal, we might get somewhere for a couple of months, anyhow!

Anonymous said...

I am a male longing for a girl like you. My wife does not touch me for months if I do not do it first. And most of time when I try to have sex it is like having a piece of ice in front of me ...

She doesn't want to leave, it looks she is very comfortable living as a roomate, but I am tired of this. She thinks she is a good wife because cooks, does the laundry and takes care of the baby ...

She responds maybe once a month and these are really hot nights (+100) with a lot of promises, but then the next day she is (-100).

I think you should leave before you get crazy .. like me.. loosing interest in everything around you, four family, your job, your kids, ... your life.

nonlineargirl said...

Although it is pretty normal to not have as much sex as you had when you first got together with your partner (and most people have a lot less sex after kids) once every three years sounds like a different kind of issue. I am not sure how literally you meant that you were ready to leave but not ready to confront your husband, but I hope you talk to your husband about getting some help - hormone treatment, therapy, whatever (as hard as that may be to do).

Good luck to you.

Anonymous said...

I am in the same situation.

1. Stop paying the extra $$

2. Buy shoes and such for the children to use at your place only.

3. Find someone to blow up the f***ing courthouse with the moron judge and lawyers that support this crap without a second thought. Even though they see whats going on but turning a blind eye.

4. Hold on tight and hang in there. ;)