Sunday, May 06, 2007

Why I Hate Child Support

Posted by Arkie Mama (cross-posted here)

This issue has caused more stress in my life and on my marriage than any other. It's difficult enough to muddle through finances with your partner. Try adding in another household and state laws that make no sense. I am so frustrated and depressed right now. I need to know that at some point, we'll catch a break. But really, I don't see how.

I hate child support...

...and the calculations behind it. (Here, it's based solely on the father's income and applies only to the children of the divorce. Children from any future marriages are not factored in.)

... Because on the very night I'm trying to figure out how (and when) we can afford to buy some spring/summer clothes for Tootie, Hubs comes back from his ex-wife's house talking — no, let's make that "gushing" — about Stepson's new Wii system.

... Because for the first two years of our marriage, when the ex arrived every other weekend, she always had a list for Hubs of all the "extra" expenses, which usually totaled, on average, about $150 to $200. That's $300 to $400 a month ON TOP OF child support.

... Because she always left with a check.

... Because when I got pregnant, even though Hubs always paid several hundred dollars a month MORE than required by state law in child support — not just the "extras" but also one-half of day care and, later, after-school care — the ex sued him for additional money.

... Because while I worry each month about how we will afford new shoes or clothes or day care-related expenses or birthdays, holidays, etc... etc... for the kids, his ex is putting in an in-ground pool, ordering custom-made furniture or re-doing their house (for the millionth time) or installing a tikki bar out back.

... Because I never knew what debt was — or how scary it is — until I married a divorced father.

... Because a divorced mom knows for sure she'll get xxx number of dollars each month whereas a woman married to a divorced dad shuffles and repriortizes and puts off purchases because she has to work with what is left.

... Because most states don't recognize fathers as parents with the same rights as mothers.

... Because even though we can't afford to buy a new washing machine, even after the repairman told us our current one was an ancient piece of shit that can't be fixed and it frequently attacks the dryer like some rabid beast, the ex-wife and her hubs are tooling around in their travel trailer or on his fully loaded Honda motorcycle.

... Because my glasses are 6 years old, but I can't yet justify new ones, because Hubs needs new glasses and contacts, because I still owe the dentist a hunk of money, because Tootie still needs to go to the dentist, because there are so many things, big and little, and plumbing issues and on and on and on that we've put off buying for months, but to HER it's no big deal to just zip out and buy a fucking Wii. Or a shiny red, fully loaded Camaro convertible.

... Because I remember the look on Hubs face when she pulled up in that car. Shortly after suing him for more money.

... Because I've skipped birthday parties and other social functions when we didn't have the money for presents or food contributions. But god forbid that stepson doesn't get a car by the day he turns 16 (in June). Oh, and by the way, can we chip in for half of his insurance?

(Um... excuse me ex, but when you and Hubs sold your house, is it not correct that you walked away with $30,000 and he received $1,500 per your divorce decree? I know it is because I've read it. I also read the document Hubs' attorney made him sign saying she had advised him against such an unfair split. As always, however, he gave in to you. For the kids. So hey, why not consider your profit on that little number Hubs' insurance contribution? Sounds like a good idea to me.

...Because it's fucking unfair. Because child support laws make it near impossible for a man to remarry or have additional children. A woman, however, gets the child support, a new spouse and his salary, and whatever income she earns.

...Because in order for things to be truly equitable, I would have to divorce my husband. Because then Hubs' paycheck would be divided among ALL FOUR KIDS.

... Because my brother-in-law raised four kids without a dime of child support from his ex-wife. Because the only thing we ever hear about are "deadbeat dads" when really, the mothers are equal offenders. C'mon, are we still employing 1950s thinking here? Geez. If you're going to pursue the fathers, then -- HELLO?! -- go after the mothers too. Because a lot of them don't pay either.

... Because Hubs is a great dad who has given and given and given. And because of the guilt he feels when he can't provide the same things for the second set of kids.

Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. Yeah, I'm pissed. And yeah, the fucking Wii was the fucking last straw.

I hate the greediness, unfairness and resentment that the current system breeds. I hate the stupid, gender-specific child support laws. I hate that my kids will always get the leftovers. If there are any leftovers. And yeah, it makes me resentful and yeah, I'm probably a horrible stepmother for feeling so resentful. I hate feeling like such a bitch because my stepkids are great, and I don't want to see them deprived of anything, but goddammit it pains me to see my own kids go without necessities while the other household gets a Wii the minute they hit the market.

But tra-la-fucking-la, life goes fucking on, and I'll just have to re-budget — again — this month, and try not to turn into a raging maniac as stepson's birthday approaches and the ex starts calling about a car.

(I posted this last night, after drinking much wine at a girlfriend's house and having yet another freakout session over finances. Then I reconsidered and took it down. But hey, what the hell. I'm re-posting and people can think I'm horrible. Cuz this is life as a stepmom, folks, and it isn't always easy. And there's a helluva a lot of room for resentment.)


Reba said...

I have a friend who gets child support. She is also remarried with 2 kids with her husband. Her husband wants to adopt his stepson, but his wife won't let him because then they won't get the child suppoet anymore.

I personally think this is very selfish. It often makes me wonder why she is so money hungry.

This all coming from a single mother who didn't go after the father for any support.

Anonymous said...

You are not selfish, or a horrible stepmom. You explained the reality of this very well. It is a matter of what is fair, and when the ex gets so much, and the husbands new family is left to struggle, it is not FAIR. I am sending you lots of virtual hugs.

I have been a stepmom for 11 years. 10 years ago, my DH was given full custody. She has never paid one dime of child support. Nothing. I tell myself it is ok, because the kids are being raised in a loving home, and we are ok. But I remember her demanding child support from him, not caring that he was trying to go to school. I feel for you sweetie!

I wish I had some magic words to help the frustration and anger pass more quickly, but I haven't found a way yet. Being a stepmother is truly the hardest job on earth.

Anonymous said...

I’m currently owed over $33,000 in back child support, and trust me, the system doesn’t care. Financially I’m in the same position as you are, living on my income with 2 kids, child support is a joke.

You, however, need to take the ex back to court because you should be getting credit for the child(ren) from your marriage. And he needs to stop paying above the court ordered amount.

Unfortunately, the CS system is broken from both sides. As it is now, someone always gets screwed. All you want is enough to raise your kids, and that’s all I want too. It’s too bad nobody can come up with a truly fair system.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I don't have anything helpful except that I have been in your EXACT shoes. Thankfully my stepsons are 24 and 30 now but when I married my husband they were younger and we rented a crappy apartment and drove OLD cars for years while the ex and the boys had the best of everything. Its really really hard and I agree the system sucks. Just know I am thinking of you . . .

Anonymous said...

This whole thing just reeks. I don't think you are out of line at all. I'd be resentful too of the ex's relative comfort if I had to scrape and pinch and worry about how to make ends meet for the rest of the kids.

I don't have any answers. Except to say that I agree with an above commenter who suggested taking her back to court to reconfigure the amount and get the other kids taken into the whole picture. That's not such a good lesson for kids to have to learn.

I hope you find a way to bring some relief to this situation.

Anonymous said...

Been there, know what you mean...actually still there, with no end in sight...husband's daughter is now 13 and in 5th grade...yep...seems she'll never graduate...instead of counting down, I have had to add a couple of years...Fair? Nope...but nobody seems to really care.

About calculating for the expenses of your children? Well, yes, if you're lucky, then the state will consider that...with that said, like in Texas, they'll award 2.5 percent for you to support your child, and 17.5 for the ex's, really, it's just a BS slap in the face...because if God forbid your husband's salary has increased by 20USD a month, then they'll give you 2.5 percent back, only to take more money away from you when they recalculate the 17.5...

I pray for the day it will all be over and my thoughts are with you, as there are many of us out there in the same boat...sadly, most people are not concerned about us or our situation, because they believe we are just whining and that for someone else's children we should have to live in a hole...

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh dear.. I've been there and my heartfelt sympathy goes out to you!We get tax credits in England for single parents and I lost them ALL when I moved in with my partner even though all his spare money goes to his ex (you note I say his ex not his children? Sigh...)

Just like that said...

oh dear, I saw you in Mad Momma's blog roll.
I am SO VERY sorry for you. It must be really frustrating for you as a Mom and also as a wife. Isn't there any way to sue the ex back for unjustified spending?

Am totally unaware of child support laws, but if the ex has married again, doesn't the new Hubs get to foot some of the bills? After all you as the new wife get to share bills for the stepkid/s, so ditto for him?

Sounds terribly unfair. Sigh!

Redneck Mommy said...

I have nothing to offer you, but cyber hugs.

And if I were in your shoes, I'd have probably been arrested for murdering said ex-wife a long time ago.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I am married to the man that has custody, and the ex doesn't pay a dime. It annoys me. It annoys me because that money could be going into a college fund for her. But we agreed when we decided to go for custody that we wouldn't ask for support, because it's sweet justice to have the nice house, new cars and nice clothes, very little debt, and not have relied on her child support to raise said child in this manner. But it still annoys.

I was a child that never actually received said support. My mom worked 3 jobs to keep food on the table, while his stepkids had the cool stuff. As someone above said, the system is not fair or right, and it works both ways.

I do feel for you...I've been in the financial situation without support payments and it sucks.

Anonymous said...

I'm torn on this one. I do feel for you and your kids and you deserve to be resentful to a certain degree. But...

Just because the ex-wife and her new husband have money doesn't negate your husband's obligation to pay his fair share, as determined by a court, of child support. Yes, she could be less of a *itch about it, but she doesn't have to be.

Your husband appears to be making the situation worse for your family by paying a lot more than he's required to on a regular basis. This needs to be discussed between the two of you and altered. 'Child support' does not mean a new car for a sixteen year old in these circumstances.

And, well, the other reality is you chose to start a family with a man who already had two children to support. Two previous children with a mother who was going to push for every dime she could get and then some. I can only assume you knew what the situation going in... What on earth made you think he could afford to bring more children into the world under this scenario?

Your children are getting the short end of the stick, and I feel really, really sorry for them.

Anonymous said...

I lived the life of child with divorced parents... My mom received a check every month from my father. Do you know what the money was used for? She bought me clothes with it. She paid the bills with it. She bought me food with it. I was able to go to summer camp. I got a kitten. That money was used so I could eat, be clothed, and be sheltered... The few "extras" we got - One week a year at a YMCA summer camp and a pet - were things we had to STILL scrimp and save to do. I am thankful for child support, b/c I would have had a much, much harder life without it.

Anonymous said...

Tell hubs to grow a backbone and stop paying any more than is mandated. he is essentially putting his ex and her family before you and yours.I bet you could do a lot with those few extra hundreds every month. if she wants to sue him again.....let her have at it!

kittenpie said...

I"m split on this - I feel your anger which, inthe situation you find yourself in, is totally justified. It is an unfair situation, and I'd be angry at both the system behind it and at your husband for giving in to her every request, especially when it is above what is necessary, court-ordered, or reasonable. I'd be frustrated, too.

On the flip side, in the majority of cases and for a variety of reasons, divorced moms end up in a far worse financial situation than divorced men, even when the dad does pay support. I don't think what you're describing is as common by far.

Anonymous said...

No, I think this is a very common situation.
Also, I think it is far more common for a woman to leave her husband for 'irreconcilable differences' (read 'just because') because she knows she will get the kids, the house, the car, and a handy little monthly payment to help maintain everything. While the man gets left with squat. Do your research. I've been on every conceiveable end of the divorce situation and this is by far the most common.

Anonymous said...

[hope I'm not double-posting this. Apologies if that happens.]

Ouch. This sounds like a dreadful situation, I'm sorry.

I am dating a divorced father, and while I'm lucky his ex is not seeking extra bucks, I do feel the pain of having to make our own family decisions based on his ex's changing choices about work, school, etc. There was a point, early on, when he was ready to offer to support her through school (for 3 years) if she would finally see it through, mostly because it made him feel like the bigger person. And I kept saying "so, you and I won't marry, or have kids, so that you can dictate to your ex-wife how she'll develop over the next few years? The hell?" Interestingly, as he became more comfortable with having left the marriage, and didn't need to prove that he wasn't a bastard, he became less inclined to split open a vein and just let her drink. This is a relief, as it might have been a deal-breaker for me.

You're right, the system sucks. And it seems to suck most when the dad's actually involved in the equation, but the system expects a stay at home ex-wife and a breadwinning ex-husband. It seems to me, though, that child support is something that can be changed when people's situations change. Marriage, for example, means your husband's ex-wife has a different family income, and thus it seems she would be entitled to less support.

Does your stepson's mom have primary custody? If his mom has primary custody, and is responsbile for all the day-to-day (and most of the emergency) expenses, then I do agree that dad needs to be paying in money (and, of course vice versa, if dad has custody). But how much money should absolutely depend on the mom's own resources. (Somehow I thought child support was based on both parents' income levels, and that a new husband would change those levels. Am I wrong? Am I just really lucky my BF has a sane-ish ex wife? That each parent wants the child to have a good relationship with each parent, which includes each parent being able to look after said child?)

Child support should take into account the actual individuals, and work to give the children the best. And while I appreciate the focus on the individual child(ren) of a divorce, it does totally screw any subsequent children of the person paying support. Again, I don't think subsequent children should be an excuse for letting an earlier child starve, but again this just points to the system being set up to counter the worst-case scenario (deadbeat dad goes around getting lots of women pregnant, can't support any of his children).

Sadly, one of the weaknesses of the system is that the person giving support can't be certain the money will go to looking after the child. Your letter is not clear -- does the ex spend all the support money on frivolities but then leave every major expense to your husband? (If so, you should be documenting this.)

That said, I'd like to say something you might not want to hear. It seems like much of your anger is more appropriately directed at your husband. Your husband has created much of this situation, and continues to sustain it. Your husband is making the choice to prioritize his first child over his children with you. It might not be a conscious choice, but it's a choice nonetheless. He does have several children, and he must balance their desires and needs. If he's giving a chunk of change to his ex, there's no reason he can't say "I've made sure his basic needs are taken care of; what money I have left needs to go to taking care of the basic needs of my other children."

It sounds like maybe you assumed he'd start making the right choice once the two of you had children, but he's still letting her call the shots, and letting down his new family.

I don't mean to let the system off the hook -- it sounds like you (maybe?) have little recourse to fix the mistakes hubby made in the beginning. And you may be stuck paying for his ex's selfishness by having to shell out for expensive necessities (glasses, braces, whatever; luxuries are not included). But most of what I'm hearing from you has to do with your husband's continued choice to put his ex-wife's demands above the needs of you and your kids.

Proactively, may I suggest documenting all the money that goes to her, and any money you yourselves spend on the stepson? If your husband is actually paying most of the expense of raising their child, there might be some room for suing right back.

I wish you the best in this frustrating situation.

Anonymous said...

I'm not as nice as those who have commented above, so here goes - Now, didn't you KNOW your current husband had children from a previous marriage prior to you two getting involved? Didn't you take the time PRIOR to marrying this man and complaining about what his, (yes HIS) children get from him? If so, then why are you bi***ing? If not then why not?
I'm not mean, I come from a divorced family where my father didnt pay a dime of child support and my mother raised three kids on her own - But I'm one for truth telling and if you didn't see the writing on the wall prior to getting into the situation you are in now - then its your own fault, and you shouldnt hold it against his children. NOR should you be so very bitter, its really quite ugly. How can you be sure that your children arent aware of your disposition towards their fathers ex wife? If they arent now, think they ever will be? I hope for their sake that they dont know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

Well I feel the same way you do! I was with a man who already had 2 kids and now we have 2 kids together. The childsupport issue was so hard on us that I couldnt take it anymore and I left him. Because I saw all the problems that we had I dont want to put him on child support for our 2 kids because I feel time spent is much more vaulable. I dont feel like im being cheated or bitter because of this either. What I dont understand is why im being made out to be a horrible person because I dont want child support from him, just quality time. What I dont understand is why the system tries to force me to put him on child support when I dont want to! What I dont understand is why my right to decide has been taken away and im constantly having to defend my self and my decision. If a father was to leave the mother and have custody of the children the courts or anybody else wouldnt say 2 words about making sure the mother was on child support or being hateful to the father if he didnt want to put the mother on child support. The system AND alot of peoples way of thinking needs to be changed. There is alot of discrimination going on with dads and moms. Its sad that you get treated like an outcast if you bring it up.

sick of this nonsence said...

this is a buncha bullsh@# lack of love for children and the corruption of indiviual greed. heres a left wing opinion, if u want your kids with YOU and you CAN support them on your own, why shouldnt u, other than kids being used as pawns in a game to determine who gets that extra cash.

i have seen prominent men reduced to working 2 jobs to keep up with the greed of the ex wife

ok. dont u think a registered nurse can raise a child on her own.. and if she makes a big fart about having custody shouldnt she be prepared to be the main supporter. but instead this particular woman felt that all her money was meant for her and the CS payments were for the kid.. well what happened was him living in a bachelor appartment and here having his house car kid and money.

so why should a divorced person lose they're rights to start a new family,, nay not rights but ability. for this particular man, he lost his business and his job now has to work 14 hours a day to keep up.

court has this rediculous notion to maintain a standard of living of the divorcee and child. i say if u can raise the kid on your own without entering poverty, than do it, no matter if u are useto living in a 500 000 dollar house or not(who do u think u are anyway)

unfortunately there are about as many loose a$$ woman out there as deadbeat dads

as for your post maam, ur extremely unlucky. it really sucks that u have inherited the load of your husbands ex marriage, this is wrong, absolutely wrong. the lady in question has no right to recieve support in my mind, she is in a complete nuclear family to which her new husband recognized the notion of supporting 2 previous children

i do believe if u marry a person with children (man or woman) that u inherit the mother or father role with all the monetary attachments included. hell u wouldnt adopt a kid from africa then sue its parents for support would u

child support laws make me sick, they should be decided on an individual basis prioritizing the childs welfare aswell as the mother and father's

one big thing too, if u leave ur spouse you should consider that you are leaving a life and reverting back to the stability that you aquired on your own. there should be no justification for a trophy wife with a grd 10 education to leave her rich husband and end up with a seemingly self aquired estate

man this issue pisses me off, especially after seeing a close succesful friend of mine get ruined by a woman who didnt need the CS to begin with... just looked at it as a bitta extra money.

i aint sayin shes a gold digger but she aint messin with no broke nigga

Anonymous said...

I'm a custodial mom & stepmom. I feel your pain & resentment. The unfair custodial mom's are the one's who win in this system. A woman with the balls to lie & falsely accuse a man (work the system) get's ahead. It happens all the time.

We pay my hubby's ex child support, yet we also have to buy the kids clothes, shoes, coats, pay for lunches at school, snacks etc. It's very unfair. Isn't child support supposed to be for this very thing?? It get's my goat when his kids come over crying because the shoes she sends them in are way too small & we have to buy new one's ...all the time! OR when she "forgets" to send them in coats?? Yet if child support is ONE week late...the hostility & threats! THat's YOUR responsibility she says. Well, agreed, but isn't it HER responsibility to provide food, CLOTHING and Shelter?? I could go on, the situation sucks & is unfair.

Anonymous said...

As are most of you, I feel for you - I am a 26 year old man with a 3.5 year old daughter. My daughter is the sweetest...but her mother takes terrible care of her - but not bad enough that you can get full custody. The little stuff, like smoking around her, not taking her to our agreed upon church, swearing in front of her, yelling, etc...

Anyway, my poor wife is in the same budgeting crisis. We try to make ends meet while I'm back in graduate school (to better ourselves, but I'm sure it will better my ex too), but the support payments are banking us. Worst is, we watch my daughter about half the time, so that means we have to buy our own sets of clothes, food, etc., and still have to pay - even though she's with someone who pays all her bills. So, while it may not be a new Camaro, it may be new outfits every week, or whatever.

Maybe I'll write my Congressman. There has to be something you can do. The system is broken.

And the worst part is when a woman has kids to a wealthy man and leaves (just because) - the rates go up as you said, on income, so they pay staggering amounts of support - way more than it takes to raise a child. How can that be justified? That's bullshit, in my case or in anyone's.

And you wonder why people just give up.

Still, I agree with the common thought of this thread - your husband has to stop paying extra.

And one thing that I've learned - when you pay, always by check, and memo it for your own ease of reference. Always leave a paper trail. Document everything.

Anonymous said...

I do think you are selfish because you are not looking at the otherside. I am a single mom who has to chase down "Dad" for child support or even visits. "Dad" does not take the kids to the doctor when they are sick, or spend the whole night awake because they are teething!!! They are not there for the scraped knees and first heartbreaks. They show up every other weekend and never say no, have lots of fun with the child then drops them off. Who does all the work? Mom does!!!! Who does the child get mad at because she cant give in top every whim, Mom!!

Grow up!!! Stop complaining!! If you want to get your child a WII than get a job or find a better one!!

Anonymous said...

Oh where to start? My husband has a 12 year old boy from a previous marriage. May our story NEVER happen to anyone else - however it seems it's much more common than I ever realized.

My husband and his ex have joint custody of their son. From the original agreement, he sent her a check twice a month in addition to paying for football, basketball, band, school lunches, health insurance, clothes, shoes etc. His ex retained their house in the divorce.

The moment I met my stepson we hit it off. We've been through 4 years of weekend trips, concerts, zoos, aquariums, etc... you name it, we've done it. All with constant phone calls from my husbands ex (2-3 a day) of problems or wanting a check for more money, etc. Yet we never voiced any complaints or upset feelings to my stepson over his mother's behavior.

A little over a year ago my husband and I purchased a home - an old fixer upper for less than 80,000. We've worked hard to make it a home with as little money put into it as possible. We don't pay for cable, internet, or other such luxuries so we can pay our bills and spend our money on weekends with my stepson. At this point we don't even have a working furnace, but we adapt. My husband and his ex work at the same place and have the same opportunity to earn extra income. My husband worked 12 hour days and 6-7 days a week when possible to pay our bills and be able to participate in fun activities on weekends with his son. When he worked weekends, stepson and I would plan activities on our own. Every single weekend we drove 40 minutes to pick him up on fri and 40 minutes to take him home on sunday. His ex? Works the bare minimum she can get away with even though she could work weekends .

This past year the ex apparently noticed how much more my husband was working and took him back to court to DOUBLE his child support. (At the court date we offered to pay the additional amount if it was put into a college fund for my stepson but this was immediately turned down by the ex) This basically leaves us with no options. I must get a second job to be able to keep our home. If my husband works more, she will only take him back to court to confiscate this extra income. On top of that, she has told my stepson not to contact us anymore or he won't recieve things like video games and new shoes. For the last 7 months we've had no contact. I attempted to make contact but was basically snubbed. Due to the economic turndown, my husbands income this year will be cut in half yet the child support maintains it's current level.

My husband and I have faught over money. I don't ask for a lot. And i most certainly don't want to take from my stepson's standard of living. He should have every single opportunity possible.I would just like to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I would like to be able to eat something besides bologna sandwiches and spaghetti day in and day out. I would like to be able to focus on my career instead of having to split time between my fulltime job and my second job. I would like to have HEAT in my home!!!

So not only do we struggle to make ends meet and pinch pennies in every possible area (we're now selling off everything we can to stay afloat) so my husbands ex can buy her a new vehicle, recarpet her home, refurnish her home, and pay for her satelite, internet, tanning bed trips and hair coloring. On top of all of that, she has taken from us my husbands relationship and time with his son and mine with my stepson. Where is the fairness in that? When will my husband and I be able to start our lives together? Having a child together is not even an option for us for another 6 years when he turns 18. Will I even be able to have children then?

You try to be strong. And you try to work harder. But there comes a point when it just seems like the harder you try to make the best of it, the more little nasty surprises that seem to pop up and leave you hopeless yet again.

David said...

Google "condoms" to know what they are.

The question is would you use a condom to get over half a million dollars?

Google "compounding" if you don't understand how you get half a million dollars.

Anonymous said... not have children in Texas. CS laws are unfair, especially for men, good dads!

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for your advice guys, it helped me a lot, I went to and followed their step by step instructions and it worked perfectly, now me and my girlfriend are back together.

Anonymous said...

i don't understand why you are complaining NOW that you MARRIED the man... You knew about all this baggage while you were just DATING him... In addition, you CHOSE to have two children of your own by him. You short changed your own kids's life as well as your own. Take a number and get in the back of the line! What does it matter what kind of lifestyle her and her new spouse live?... Obviously her kids are entitled to the money, she's not entitled to have mercy on her ex, you and your kids. She's putting her kids first by getting every red cent they deserve SOMETHING YOU SHOULD HAVE for your kids by not marrying a divorced father obligated to pay child support. Your kids will always get the leftovers, sorry to tell you. Even if you leave him your kids will get far less child support than the first two children and that's how it goes. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE!

Anonymous said...

Hi. Is the person above me my x-husband? Sure sounds like someone who loves to see others suffer. I am the opposite of most of these posts. I am the x wife, and have my kids 50% of the time and have to pay full child support to my x because he has physical custody, and because the law doesn't distinguish between the amount of time you have your kids. He got the house and car in the divorce. I must have had a horrible lawyer to lose so badly. My x always rubs it in my face, making me pay for extras, and literally squabbling over $5 or $10 dollars that I might owe him for a school project. I pay the child support and half of all activities, plus he will not send any clothes, shoes, or coats whenever he drops them off, so I have to buy all that stuff too! I hate it. I hate that I have my kids just as much as he does, and I have to pay dearly. I live in a small apartment because I cannot afford anything better, since 1/3 of my pay goes to him. Ugh.... I really wish someone would re-look at BOTH sides and then determine the amount of child support. It's very frustrating.

Anonymous said...

No, I'm not your ex husband. All I'm saying is that i would get everything the law says my children are entitled to. My daughters father conned me into signing the income and expense declaration saying he had her 40% of the time and told me he would stick to our agreed parenting plan we came up with (not court ordered visitation or parenting plan). Well, he has NEVER EVER once came to get her, call her on her 1st Bday, no call or gift for Christmas, NADA. And he hadn't even began paying CS yet! Now that i filed for upward modification is crying that he can't afford it. O THE F WELL! i don't owe him JACK n could care less if he can afford it or not! He can get a 2nd job then MAYBE he'll b able to afford it!

Anonymous said...

I am in the same situation.

1. Stop paying the extra $$

2. Buy shoes and such for the children to use at your place only.

3. Find someone to blow up the f***ing courthouse with the moron judge and lawyers that support this crap without a second thought. Even though they see whats going on but turning a blind eye.

4. Hold on tight and hang in there. ;)

John Terry said...
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John Terry said...
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John Terry said...
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John Terry said...

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Ana E said...

Has a guy ever given you mixed signals?

One minute he’s crazy about you and the next minute you have no clue if he ever wants to see you again?

And it’s especially hard when there’s something special between you and you have no idea what went wrong.

I assure you it’s nothing that you did.

In fact, he may even care about you a great deal and still not be able to stop himself from acting this way.

But why does this happen?

There’s one BIG reason why men do this...

And I discovered this eye opening video that will shed some light on this bizarre behaviour.

Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

It all comes down to a missing “secret ingredient” that not one in a thousand women knows about...

And it’s the biggest factor that determines whether a man just “likes” you...

...or if he sees you as “The One.”

You see, this “secret ingredient” is so important to a man that no matter how attracted to you he is, or how strong your chemistry is...

If it’s missing, he’ll never be able to truly give his heart to you...

And he will always have an unshakeable urge to seek out a woman who has this one “secret ingredient.”

Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> The difference between “like” and “love” (most women miss this)

On the other hand, when you know this powerful “secret ingredient”... won’t believe how effortless, passionate and bulletproof your relationship can be.

Trust me, this is going to blow you away.

Discover it here: ==> Men fall in love with women who have this “secret ingredient”

Thanks again.