Posted by Anonymous.
A few weeks ago I found out my husband may have another child. He has two with me, both under 1 1/2 years old. I already know he had a son with someone else just before he met me and for a while we had visitation but now we don't. She took him away and we don't legally have a right to see him unless we go through the courts and we don't have the money.
However it has now come up that he may be the father of another boy who was born only a few months after his first son. The child does not live with his mom but is in the foster care and will become a ward of the state soon. The boy has two brothers as well but they are definitely not my husbands.
We will be having a paternity test done soon but the dilemma is what to do if he IS his son. As he already doesn't get to see one son, he doesn't want to lose another. However the boy has met us only once or twice and doesn't really know us (we were friends with the mom.) He's 3. They are going to try to keep all three boys together in the system but really, that doesn't happen too often. If we took him in, we of course would let him see his brothers but still. My main concern is how do we just take a 3 year old boy and say, "Hey, the guy you thought was your daddy isn't really your daddy. This is your real daddy and you are going to live with us now." Could a 3 year old really understand that?
Also we are really struggling financially with our two children. We use food banks and are behind on many bills. Would it be fair to bring in another child to a fairly poor lifestyle? We do own our home but still. He at least has clothes and toys and furniture already and we would get a bit of money from the city for him (baby bonus) but still. Plus in order to get custody of him, we have to get a lawyer and go to court to prove we can take good care of him. We can't afford a lawyer either and don't qualify for legal aid because we own our house.
Another concern is that I struggle with depression and since my husband works, it would be me who would be taking care of him. I get frustrated really easily with my two babies. Could I handle another child? We've been told he has behavioural issues, probably from being taken away and put back and taken away again from his parents. Plus we know he wasn't treated right, otherwise he wouldn't have been taken away.
There is a lot to think about and obviously none of this matter if it turns out he isn't my husband's son but it seems more likely that he is. What would you do?