Thursday, July 26, 2007

Won't You Be My (NOT SO NAKED) Neighbor?

Posted by Sarah.


Hi. This is Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah. I didn't want to publish this on my own site because, well, the bigger my blog gets, the more of my neighbors know about me and read me. I don't think that this particular neighbor knows about my blog, but you can never really be sure. Hell, she
might read the basement every day. If so, she deserves to read this. It is freakish anyway.

I have mentioned my crazy neighbor on my personal blog before, but this one really has me perplexed.

You see, our back yards are connected. She lives on the corner, so her kitchen windows look right into my back yard. Her kitchen table is right in front of sliding glass doors that go on to her deck, and look right into my backyard.

Many times I will be outside and she will start talking to me from inside of her house. That is pretty fucked up. My husbands always says "Why can't she just pretend we can't see inside of her house?"

I think he has a great point.

So, anyway, last night we are having a picnic in our back yard. The four of us barbecued and ate out back. It was a really nice family dinner and my kids were sitting at their little picnic table and having a great time when the neighbor starts talking to us from inside of her kitchen.

I saw a deer in your yard the other day!

(That is fantastic. Now mind your own damn beeswax. We are having a family dinner here)

So, are you eating outside?

This is when she and her four year old daughter both wander out on to their deck to interrupt our meal.

In their underwear.

(I'll let that sink in for a second)

A 40 year old woman and a four year old girl came outside to talk to us in t-shirts and underpants.

Why?

Why would someone do that?

Seriously.

My mind is completely blown. What could she be thinking? I have seen her daughter outside with no pants or underwear on before, but she is just a little kid so I let it slide. Why is this woman coming out in her year to talk to us without pants on?

I appreciate you letting me vent to you. I'm pretty sure she looks through my windows at night and goes through our trash, so I'm not sure SATGS is a safe place to vent about her anymore.


17 comments:

Smiling Mom said...

BIG fences make great neighbors... are there fences in your neck of the woods? I know in CA where I live everyone has fences around their yards. But in VA where my friend lives, no one has fences... What an odd lady!

Anonymous said...

While it sounds like a problem, and she definitely has boundary issues, it could be worse. My husband and I used to live in a house in a college neighborhood. Our house was right next door to another rental that rented to international students. Two of the girls that lived there took great pride in their bodies and would leave the bathroom window and shades completely open during their showers, leaving nothing to the imagination. Their bathroom window opened up to our diningroom window. You get the picture. They could see the flower arrangement on our table, and we could see, well, everything.
OK, so you are looking for solutions: talk to this woman if it bothers you so much, or pretend to not hear her when she is being inappropriate. The latter is much more time consuming and a pain in the ass.

Awesome Mom said...

What a freak! I would be putting up more fencing right away. The though of someone looking in on me in my own back yard creeps me out.

Major Bedhead said...

Fences or rapidly growing shrubbery. Perhaps she's an exhibitionist. That's just odd.

flutter said...

*blinks very slowly*

wha? has she not heard of pants?

ewe are here said...

Sounds like you need a tall hedge.

Naked little ones romping around in their own yard: cute and normal.

Naked 40 year old doing same: eeeewwwwww!

Lisa b said...

I guess she thinks you are friends.
I dunno about the pants. Even my weirdest friends wear pants.
The suggested fence seems appropriate

pkzcass said...

Sarah,

What is the link to your blog? I clicked on the one for Goon Squad Sarah and it came up with lots of other links to, er, somewhat racy sites.

I ask because I'm now dying to read your blog and read more about your crazy neighbor. If she's not a friend of yours, ask her what the flock she's doing out there in her underwear. I'd HAVE to if she were my neighbor. Then tell her you don't want to see it anymore. If a fence isn't an option right now, I'd just start ignoring her completely when she talks to you from inside the house. And even when she comes outside in underwear to ask you stupid questions like, "Are you eating outside?" You could also just answer, "No, we're sitting out here in our underwear." I wonder what she'd say to that...

Fidget said...

uhhh
cape honey suckle grows big fast and dense

Julie Pippert said...

That's ummm...

Well yeah, boundary issues.

Maybe a dog. Yeah, get a dog and train it to bark at her. Always be apologetic and have dog under your control...but shrug sadly as if to say, "Gee, I'd be all friendly, even with you in your undies but ohh, I've got this dog..."

Or you know...something better than that...

Good luck...and sorry.

Stimey said...

Maybe you could walk around your yard completely naked and see what she does. I bet you could out-crazy her.

Or, you know, a very tall hedge.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

I think we all agree a fence it a great idea... I am from the midwest and nobody had fences, but here in Utah, EVERYONE has a fence. People like their boundaries here...

Heather said...

I'm all for being honest with the woman, unless you really want to spend the money on a fence. Approach her (she seems fairly approachable), and let her know that you & your family would like to enjoy dinners on your back porch with out interruption. Perhaps asking her to keep her clothing on in a nice way as well. Do you not like this woman, or are you simply uncomfortable with unexpected interruptions? If you don't mind her personally, you could mention that, but that you would still like to keep boundaries. Perhaps she has some too, but feels she is being friendly.
I just think we often put up fences before we solve problems face to face.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Nobody in my neighborhood really has fences, although I would LOVE to put one up.

I don't know what happened to my link but it should be Sarah and the Goon Squad.

Her Bad Mother said...

Sarah! The linked is fixed! WOOPS.

linda-sands.com said...

I love my neighbors, I love my neighbors, It's my neighbor's friends I could live without, like the fat bad guy in his black boxers with the painted toe nails who showed up to my back door looking for BOB? uh- That would be next door, dude.

Anonymous said...

she may be mentally ill... (not a joke.)

certainly forgetting to put on your pants points to the fact that something is not quite right.