Posted by Anonymous.
I don't even know how to write this.
I took my mom to the ER this morning to get checked out -she'd been having stomach aches. I expected the call to tell me she had kidney stones or appendicitis. I should say that my mom (in addition to being my best friend) is also the caregiver for my 2-year old daughter during the week. As my father (her ex) watched my daughter for me while I readied for a conference call at 3:00, the phone rang and it was my mom from the ER. "I have pancreatic cancer."
I can still hear those words echoing in my head. That was approximately 10 hours ago. She was finally admitted into a room around 10:00pm and we still have no more information except that it does not look operable. I notified family and close friends and thought that I would really like to tell my "friends" from the blogosphere, but I don't have a blog so here I am. I know that tragedies happen all the time, all around us. I know that I need to be strong for my mom and my daughter, but right now - at 1:15 am, all I can do is cry onto my keyboard and fight the panic that threatens to send me running out into the dark street. All I wanted to do was to shake an ER nurse or doctor and yell "THIS IS MY MOTHER, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP US" because I truly don't know how I will move past this, how will I enjoy a Saturday morning at the farmer's market without my friend/my mother? Who will stop to get me a special coffee on Monday morning just because it's Monday? Who will be there for me when I take the leap to have a second baby??
I know this happens all the time, people get sick, people die, but right now, my heart is breaking into tiny pieces and I. can. not. stop. crying. If these are the times when you're supposed to find your inner strength, please let me find mine. Mom, I love you.