Monday, April 28, 2008

This Ain't A Song For The Broken Hearted

Posted by Anonymous.

My son got dumped yesterday.

Let me start over.

My teenage son's girlfriend of 8 months who started out as his Best Friend Forever and who was the first girl to hold his heart in her hands took his heart and broke it today. Into several little pieces. THREE DAYS BEFORE THE BIG DANCE AT SCHOOL.

Let me start by saying that I gave him some good advice the last few weeks when he and I felt like she might be stringing him along. She started ignoring him for no reason and hanging out with other boys. I told him that I know from experience that this is her way to be passive/aggressive about dumping him. I had been dumped that way many times. So he confronted her, and she dumped him.

I also would like to go on record saying I gave him some good advice about how he should stay friends with her since they've been friends for so long and they'll probably be friends for years. But that maybe it's okay to make her feel bad for a few days since she did dump him three days before a dance.

Now that I've sworn to you that I was a good Mom, at least a little bit. Let me tell you the rest.

I might have spent the majority of last night helping him mend his broken heart by calling this poor girl a frakkin' beeyatch and possibly offering to burn the gifts she had given him. I may have also tried to talk him into rolling her house. There may have been times when I openly mocked her annoying habits by doing exaggerated impersonations of her and then encouraging him to direct horrible insults at me, pretending I was her. And then there was the whole, "Fuck her. You're too fucking good for her anyway," comment I might have made in a fit of desperation when I thought he was going to start crying. It may have been the first time he's ever heard me use the f-word somewhere other than the car. And, of course, there might have been a moment when I told him that if she went to the dance with the boy she's been flirting with, I was going to spray paint the walls of his school declaring that she is a WHORE.

Of course, I wouldn't actually do that.

(Or at least I'll let you think that I wouldn't. But I totally would.)

But - I did threaten it and it made him laugh. Actually - all of my rants where I may or may not have called his girlfriend "THAT SKANK" made him laugh. And it's the only thing I knew to do for him. Make him laugh.

I asked him if he'd still go to the dance, just to hang out with his friends. He said, "No." I don't think he wants to risk seeing THAT SKANK dance with THAT ASSHOLE FUCKWAD. So he asked if I'd go see a movie with him instead.

And now my heart is broken.

I guess I'll just toughen up and enjoy a date night with him since this is probably the last time he'll invite me out to a movie. And then, when he's not looking, I'll totally take her off his top friends in MySpace. It's the least I can do.


flutter said...

You are such a cool mom..poor kid

Poppy Buxom said...

I want to be you when I grow up and/or when some SKANK breaks my son's heart. He's only 13, but I'm keeping these techniques in mind.

Aunt Becky said...

Can you be my mom?

Give the kid a hug for me and tell him that she was SO not worth it.

Melanie D. said...

Skank better watch out for Mama Bear!

Anonymous said...

Awesome post!
I'll also keep these tecniques in mind when my guys get older :)

Anonymous said...

What a nice way to teach your son to talk about women/girls. I mean I know you are heartbroken too, but c'mon, is that really how you want him talking about women - as skanks??!!

No wonder so many women are treated so badly. The boys/men are learning it at home....from their moms no less.

Also, it probably made your son laugh when you said those things, but if he really had feelings for her it probably hurt him at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Anon, sounds like your son feels comfortable talking to you and you can comfort him when he needs it. Good for you both. I probably wouldn't have told him to remain friends with this girl. There's no way they can since she dumped him. That's asking for more maturity than he's probably capable of.

Mom of 2 Boys, I'm sure the Anon's son doesn't think every woman is a skank now. Boys' opinions of women are formed not only by their moms but by their dads and the way their dads treat their moms. And enough with the political correctness. When you're hurt, you want to lash out. Better to let him do it in private; he'll less likely to do in in public. Encouraging him to suppress his anger and hurt only causes bigger problems.

Anonymous said...

I agree that he needs a place to vent, and if it was just him saying those things it would be one thing. For her to say those things it is a little much. I never said he had to hold his feelings in, but she could have.

Anonymous said...

mom_of_2_boys: I think anonymous made it clear that the ranting and name-calling was done in jest and I think it's apparent that her son took it as such. After all, who has ever been dumped that hasn't loved an opportunity to rail with someone about the dumper, even if done in jest? I think he's mature enough (from what she has said) to tell the difference.

Great post, anon. :) I would have felt the SAME WAY.

motherbumper said...

You are an awesome mom and never doubt it for a second.

Anonymous said...

I have never commented here before...but I have to say that I am appalled by everyones statements with the exception of mom_of_2_boys. I actually thought the post was a joke, and didn't take it seriously until the comments made me think that the poster really did tell her son those things. I believe that we need to teach our children respectful and responsible ways to handle all matter what. How is calling this girl a skank and a whore going to teach him a proper way to handle his first difficult situation out in the work force? By referring to his boss/subordinates/other as a skank? Bitch? Whore? I could go on and on, but won't. Absolutely appalled. And now I'll shut up.


Anonymous said...

I'm horrified that you would set this example for your son and that so many people, presumably women would commend you for it. It seems to me that you are more interested in being his friend than in being an adult. Our children need to learn how to deal with disappointment and hurt without resorting to name calling. I don't think that the fact that you say this was done "in jest", makes it any better.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like what you did cheered you son up temporarily, and for that, I am happy for you. In the long run, though, what has he learned? His heart will be broken again, and there have got to be better coping skills out there than calling someone he was in love with (less than 24 hours ago??) a skank. Doesn't that hurt more?

When I was broken hearted, my parents reminded me how wonderful I was, not how awful the other party was. They taught me that it wasn't going to be the last time I hurt like that, but that it was never about me - just about not being a good match.

You started out so strong with giving him advice and insight when you thought things were going sour. I hope next time you prop him up more than taking her down. Have a good date night, and good luck with your broken heart, too.

Avalon said...

Wow! Am I ever glad your son was not my daughter's boyfriend. I shudder to think of the messages he took away from that conversation.

I have little use for my daughter's boyfriend, but I would NEVER, in her presence, refer to him in such derogatory, hateful and sexist terms. No matter the situation. I may think whatever I like about him, but one of my jobs as a parent is to teach her respect........and to handle herself with dignity.

Anonymous said...

Oh BOY did the sanctimommies come out in full force! Lol!! I for one, giggled. And for the record, fuckwad is one of my very favorite cusswords of all time.

I have never walked in your mommy shoes, as my child isn't a teen yet. Sadly, because of his special needs, I don't know that he will experience girlfriend trauma. But I wish you luck in navigating the minefield of teenage angst and breakups. I think that with your good sense of humor, you'll help him get through this the best way he can. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Dude, you are fucked if he gets back together with this girl. You will be the enemy. And I worry you've made it permissible for him to say all that stuff you said to any woman, or person in general, whenever he's feeling shitty. Which is fine, we all need to vent and lose it sometimes, but you gotta follow up with a clear message that 1) you say that shit in private, not in public or in front of the person 2) it is said in a moment of hurt and frustration and you may not feel that way in the morning or on a week or so. and 3) if you no longer feel that way, it is OK to change you mind about a person and apologize if necessary, or atone in any way that makes you feel better about it. (All of this will save you if he walks into your kitchen one day with this girl on his arm and hates you for dissing this most awesomest girl EVER.) Know what I'm saying?

Anonymous said...

Wow, this certainly explains a lot, or at least explains why the many people I know in their twenties who are emotionally needy and have insecure, immature relationships with their peer group act the way they do.

Because of parenting like this.


The girl is a skank because she's what, thirteen, and likes another guy? That's a stellar message to be teaching your son.

Anonymous said...

Wow, just wow. And to think that I read this on the same week I learned about the Megan Meier case. Are parents no longer adults?

Anonymous said...

duuuuuuuuuude some of you are crazy bitches. when my boy gets his little heart stomped on you can bet i will be referring to the girl as a whore because i am on *his* side and its important for him to have someone in his corner. i don't think he is going to suddenly turn around and start thinking of all girls as whores because i have stooped to an immature level and called the one girl a whore. i have taught him better than that, as well as the fact that its alright to get MAD and call people nasty names when you are feeling really hurt. i have taught him to use words and not his fists or a gun, so shut your stupid traps and stop your PC wailings.

sheesh, GROW UP.

Anonymous said...

Even though he laughed, your son needed you to be a grown-up when his heart was broken, not to be a punk-ass wanna-be peer.

He needed to know that even though he was crushed, you were okay and could handle it.

And messing with his MySpace page? is the definition of "enmeshed." Sorry, but the two of you need some clear boundaries so he can be the kid. I hope that next time you'll be able to have your poisonous thoughts (and you're certainly entitled to them, no one should break our kids' hearts!) WITHOUT sharing them with your vulnerable boy. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

What an awesome mom! I hope you don't mind if I borrow your speech in about 2 years with my son... And who cares what other people say - any way you can reach your child and get them to listen (and like it!) is totally worth a billion F words!

Anonymous said...

Well I wont get sanctimonious with you. I went through that with both my son and daughter when they were in their teens. Oh the heartache! lol...looking back, I was probably more traumatized than they were.

You are a cool mom....could you be mine?


PS... for all the folks who are moaning about what has he learned? He learned mama loves him...and I have no doubt that he will not continue growing up calling gals skanks.

Anonymous said...

I am horrified at your immaturity. The girl did him wrong. But you also did him wrong by not guiding the way to overcome a broken heart with class and dignity.

Anonymous said...

I realize that your intentions were good but you went way overboard. Yes it sucks that she broke his heart and that she had such bad timing but your job is to listen to him, hold him give him advise on how to move on. Not to call this girl names and make all sorts of stupid threats. Your his MOTHER, not his buddy. Act like it.

Her Bad Mother said...

Anonymous 6:57 - the author of this post isn't deleting comments; I am.

Criticism is welcome in the basement, unless someone might be hurt by it. This is supposed to be a safe space to say whatever one wants to get off their chest. I've left some pretty critical comments up on this post, because I think there's a worthwhile discussion here. But I draw the line at nastiness and/or name-calling. There's no need to talk about pussies or losers here, so: BZZT. DELETE.

No mean here. If you want to criticize or disagree with something you read here, fine, but you must keep it polite.

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