Saturday, November 15, 2008

Should Have Listened

Posted by Anonymous.

I should have listened to my sister.

She told me to never get involved with a man with small children.

But of course.. me thinking I know everything... didn't listen.

Well, I got into this relationship with a man that I love dearly.

We won't EVEN talk about his ex wife who needs a good slap upside that ugly head of hers...

Anyway...

It's the constant spending of money. The wasting of money that kills me. Maybe because I have very little money of my own and very little to provide for my own nearly grown children that I see it as so wasteful. Whatever they want? They get it. Even if they don't ask for it? Or want it? He buys it. I have literally seen hundreds of dollars being spent on nothing. and everything. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I really don't feel it is jealousy on my part. I just see it as so wasteful and so damaging to the children.

I finally told him that I feel that he is really doing his kids a disservice..that NO ONE is going to be able to please them when they are adults. They will never be happy because no one will be able to provide for them like this.

They are spoiled rotten little children who feel that they "deserve" so much...

They are disrespectful and it sucks.

I can't say too much as I am just a "girlfriend"...and no one wants to hear someone else say something about their parenting.. so I am stuck.

P.S. I do not proclaim to be a perfect parent by any means. I am sure I have made my fair share of mistakes, too.

15 comments:

Amy said...

I think you need to break up with Dad. Having a step-mother who resents them isn't going to do them any good, either.

Tammy said...

Amy is right.
Get out now. It's only going to become more difficult as time goes on. The situation will just get worse. Leave. For everyone's sake.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes love isn't enough and you just have to walk away... this sounds like one of those sometimes.

If your account is accurate, he is going to spoil them beyond repair, and the sense of entitlement he's building in them is going to turn them into oversized monsters down the line. Monsters that will know how to make your life miserable for just existing in their daddy's life, someone who might stand in their way of getting every little thing their little hearts desire ... get out now.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you may want to consider ending the relationship. A new wife/girlfriend who hates the old wife is a bad, bad thing. Think about the kids in the middle. They to be loved and supported, and that included respecting the woman who gave birth to them. In addition, money is one of the top stresses in any relationship. Sounds like your boyfriend won't be changing his ways anytime soon. I'd cut my losses and move on.

Neurotic Grad Student said...

It sounds awful, but you're never going to be this man's top priority. You'll be, at best, third place behind the children and the ex. Do yourself a favor and get out while you can.

Emmie {orange + barrel} said...

I agree with all of the above comments!! Best of luck!

flutter said...

You will never be a family with children you resent.

time to walk away.

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

It kind of sounds like his actions are causing you to lose respect for him as well. That can't be good for a relationship.

Besides, he should be focusing on parenting his kids (especially with a crappy Ex in the picture), not balancing their needs those those of a disapproving girlfriend.If only he could focus on them the right way.

I wish I could go back and listen to all the advice I got - and brushed off - from my mom over the years. But please don't tell her that.

Vanessa said...

I'll sing a different tune than the other comments.

You say you don't feel its jealousy on your part, but I beg to differ. Are you sure you're not jealous that he's lavishing money on his kids instead of you, or jealous that he CAN lavish money on his kids while you can't do the same for yours? I can't answer that question for you, but from my standpoint, I see green monster.

You've told him you feel he's doing them a disservice by indulging them the way he does. The ball is in his court now, and always has been. They're his kids, its his money. Decisions about his childrens' welfare are between him and their mother who, regardless of what you think of her, you need to respect.

Don't let yourself become that girlfriend that hates on the mom and thinks the dad isn't parenting right. No one likes that woman in the end. Not Dad, not Mom, not the kids. That woman is what gives stepmothers a bad name.

Anonymous said...

Man, this is a tough one. For me, I just don't agree with spoiling kids like that, they never appreciate anything and don't know the value of hardwork. I am glad that my parents made me get a job at 15 and that I earned my own money.

I've never dated someone with children but I think it would be a hard situation to get caught in. I may have to agree with the others and say to get out now bc it seems that things are not going to change any time soon.

Avalon said...

I absolutely agree with Vanessa. How he spends his money and parents his kids is simply not your business.

Imagine how you would feel if he was questioning what you did with your children or your money.

You may think it's important to point out the error of his ways. I can virtually guarantee you he resents your comments.

So as I see it, you have 2 choices. You can stay with him and learn to bite your tongue.

Or, you can move on and find someone else who has similar beliefs and values.

Suki said...

I think Avalon nailed it in those last lines. It's your choice - would you choose to live on with this man though you don't approve of his parenting? Or would you pick someone else you can respect?

As for the Green monster, it's ok to feel jealous that your significant other prioritizes something else over you. But I don't think that's all you're feeling - your feelings abotu his childrearing seem totally justified.
I guess it's time to take a closer look at the relationship.

Vanessa said...

@ suki:

Its okay to be jealous that a father puts his children before his girlfriend? Really?

Personally, I'd be disgusted if a father of young children put his relationship with a girlfriend before them. Thats why most women are told not to get into relationships with men with children if you don't have them as well. You'll disrespect them if they put you above the kids, because its not right, but they don't want to take the back seat either. Catch 22 for the poor guy, isn't it?

Just sayin.

Marzipan said...

As an exwife, I'll just say that maybe that "ugly" exwife of your boyfriend's ditched his ass for a reason.

And you know what? There's a chance that the ex-wife might like to slap your whiny ass around, too.

Anonymous said...

Men will sometimes use money to buy away guilt for not being the Dad they think they should be. Kids, from 5 to adult KNOW this and play it to the hilt!
You have a choice to accept this "problem" or to move on.
Oh, BTW, Marzipan-bitter much?