Thursday, January 08, 2009

What's Love?

Posted by Anonymous

Dear Dear Daughter's Sperm Donor:

your favourite pastime is spreading the word how much you love your baby girl.
nagging me to allow you to take studio pics of you and my DD together to send out for xmas.
saying "ill pay child support" when the $10 dollars you could manage to save from the beer fund wouldnt be worth me having to hear "i have rights, i support her"
and strolling her around showing off, when you could be looking to her talking instead of simply pushing her around, she has no idea who is pushing the stroller!

while you may not have the myriad of "privileges" that i have,
like getting up 6 times a night,
having your nipples bleed,
having your whoo-hoo stitched up,
having the man that stayed with you through pregnancy with another mans child roll over and say "we might as well give up for tonight, she's not going to stay sleep for us to get any loving",
and being called a whore by the darling babies biodads mother father grandmother siblings and ENTIRE extended family, and have them tell everyone about it...
having said beautiful baby turn into a toddler who refuses the bottle and won't let momma have one night with her DF..... etc etc

while you may not be lucky enough to do that.... you were given 2 years of chances. to do the very simple things i asked.
not for me.
for her.

for her i asked that you grow some balls and tell your mother, father, sisters, brothers, grandparents, so-called friends to shut up. since you KNOW the baby is yours, and have never said otherwise, and i have offered to do a paternity test if you did question it, its very important to me that you tell these assholes spreading the word that "god-forbid we didnt know if that child would come out black or brown" that you tell these assholes. that they shut up as it will hurt your darling baby girl when she grows up to hear these things on the playground.

instead, you sat by, and she has a legacy of "her biological paternal grandparents, greatgrandparents and uncles and aunt all say she could belong to a dozen men"

for her. i asked you to stop doing drugs and cigarettes and partying like a drunk everyday. for her. so that when she grew up she would not have to have a friend on the playground say "see those 3 bums over there, one is your daddy"

instead. you can't help it. your life is so hard and it makes you so upset to see your daughter with my DF and i....... and you simply can't say no to your friends. you claim you arent addicted. you just do it to fit in. WHAT A FINE QUALITY FOR A FATHER... "must fit in with coked out friends"

for her. i asked you to move out of the crazies house. so that when you wanted to visit your daughter, she could come over. as i would not allow her to go to the house where your family would go nuts on her and hurt her with their stupidity. for her. i thought it would be great and you could talk and play with her instead of simply strolling her about...

instead. for the past 2 years, you asked 1 person about a possible rental. and decided that would waste too much money. because you simply HAVE to go see your girlfriend, and flying and partying and renting houses in the big city is expensive.

which brings me to that. a woman that you see on the road and she points and says "hey you" and you sleep with that night is not good stepmom material. ( i was not model material either, but i have changed as you have never disputed) since you love your darling daughter so much i would think you would make a better choice. even though you have seen this woman 4-5 times over the past few months and had sex these times, it does not constitue a dedicated relationship.

so here it is simply: if you LOVE your daughter, like you say, and you will do anything, like you have said and have not made any action: you will have to stop throwing your entire months salary away to see this woman you love so much and have just met and must party with. and get a lawyer.

it's not that i "just don't like her' or i am jealous. i HATE that when i said "choose the baby or your slut" you said "i cant give up my slut. she's nice. i love her" when you should have said "well i dont want too. but if thats the only way ok' to which i would have said "Wow. THAT is really something. i am so impressed in a way i havent been dont have to give up ur g/f, just dont ever think you'll watch my baby while yall are partying and best be ready for my random drug testing"

so.......child support and visitation go hand in hand.

snot that i want the money. its that i NEED to see some sort of action. after all i have done for her in 2 years.... i have heard nothing but empty promises from you. and i cry. i do. cause you must not really know her. cause if you did. you would love her as much as i do. there would be no choice for me. not a 10 seconds delay to think about it....

but at the end is. its sad. because in one way. i really hope. hope. that this will force you to say "my child is important. i must wake up." but why should i have to force it? why do i even have to make demands. demands for you to do whats best for her. shouldnt you as the most loving dad ever be running to me. asking and begging to do anything and everything for her.................

and i know. you won't choose her. you wont. you'd rather live at home with those that hate her, those that have to look the other way when they see her. you'd rather hang out with those friends that say you are an idiot and she doesnt belong to you, those same friends that didnt think enough of you to warn you about me if i was so'd rather throw away every dollar you have to get some pussy from someone you don't know, but "seems nice", then see your daughter.....

and when i say you'll never see her again. and i dont want to mean it. but if you can't make one little sacrifice for her. not one little thing. not 1 dollar in a bank account..... not even moving out so you could play with her more in 2 YEARS!!!!

then you really don't deserve her.

you don't know what love is.... and now that i do. that unconditional doing HARD things i dont like for my child. for her good. planning for her future....i wont settle for anyone to be in her life that doesnt really LOVE her. and 2 years of chances is enough.

i would say i expect to hear from your lawyer. but i wont.

the thought that wasting money on a lawyer to be able see your soon to be 2 year old daughter.....the thought of wasting that money and having to lose a woman you've had sex with a few dozen times in the past half year just is unthinkable.

and i dont care if every person i know says "bad mother. she should be able to know her father" i dont care.

they've called me a whore before.

i am a good mother. and i will protect her from your miserable failings and "love". just hope your gf doesnt dump you too soon. wouldnt want to have to deal with your renewed attetion on us again...

btw... she has a father. a man that has kissed her goodnight since she was born. a man that works hard and will be paying for her college and everything else, without being asked, he just assumes its his duty, cause he pretends like she is his. a man that changes her poppie diapers when the 1st time i asked you said "i dont know how to do THAT" a man that sometimes doesn't get to party everynight and have lots of sex, because he is taking care of her. a man that said "by the time she can write i hope she can have my last name", a man that when ive lost patience and can't take it...dances and sings UB40 to her. and a man that whispers to her when he thinks i'm asleep "doesnt matter if he doesnt love you Toria, ill take care of you".................


Courtney said...

You go girl! Protect your baby! Sounds like she has a loving mother and father and doesnt need a sperm donor to haunt her life!

ewe are here said...

If you can scrape together the money, or get legal aid assistance, I suggest you ask bio dad to terminate his parental rights to your wee girl... Neither of you needs him in your lives... and it sounds like you've found somebody who will love you both as you deserve to be loved.

Good luck to you both.

Issas Crazy World said...

If you get the chance, have your husband adopt her and then move. Seriously, that man is not her dad. Just, as your title says, the sperm donor. A dad is much more than that and your daughter deserves to not be brought up dealing with that kind of nonsense.

Shelli said...

Thanks for sharing. I concur, serve him with papers to terminate his parental rights.

Anonymous said...

This was great! And I'm glad you're over it, because what's good is that an obviously bad influence has chosen not to be a part of her life.


lorrielink said...

oh, im so sorry you and you daughter have to deal with this. that is so hard.
i know you didnt ask for advice but im gonna give some anyway.
give up on him. stamp down your hope as best as you can and leave him out of your thoughts and plans for your daughter. move if you can, seriously. even if its just a different neighborhood. leave as much of him behind as you can.
no matter what you do with paternity or legal issues, you will probably be dealing with this for many many years. so start now. soon enough your daughter will be old enough to know whats going on and start asking you about it. and youll have to be ready to answer. so plan your life, live your life, raise you daughter and dont count on him at all. if he does someting, if hes around for a day or pays some support, great. deal with it at that moment, but dont plan him into you or your daughters life anymore.
good luck.

Anonymous said...

i cried when i read your letter. i agree with you she doesnt need to know a father like that. my sister goes through the same thing and i keep telling her that if he dies from smoking the crack he cannot stop smoking her son wont know his father either and that is acceptable? Keep her far away from this man. he doesnt deserve her unconditional love. and that man who loves her and takes care of her God Bless him and God Bless you. You found the right man after all. dont ever stop telling him what a wonderful man he is.

Anonymous said...

I could have written this. You are absolutely RIGHT to keep your daughter away from her sperm donor. My sweet DD is now 12 years old, and her father is NOT part of her life, and she is far better off without him. It hasn't always been easy, but it will FOREVER be worth it.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like your daughter has a lovely father in her life already. If this other man isn't interested, let it go and focus on the family you've built over these past few years. Your daughter will be better off if she doesn't have to be around people who will only bring her sadness.

Biology does not make a father.

Ariel said...

I wish my mother had taken us far far away from our dad. But she didn't.
Sometimes no dad is better than any dad.
Everyone says kids need a father, but not like that one. Trust me. They do ten times more damage that any good they manage to do.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing and strong. I hope that by the time she writes she is writing her father's name. The man that has been there for her, and for you, the man that loves her. He's her real father, ignore genetics.No one can say "bad mother she should be able to know her father" if the sperm donor isnt worth knowing. Love makes a family.

This is amazing, I hope you get your happy ending! Maybe let us know how it goes?

MollyElise said...

My mom was in a similair situation to you and cut my father out of our lives. Growing up I fantasized about him some, but really was fulfilled in my own life, and he didn't have chances to hurt me. When I was 16 I met him in person and he lied and hurt me, it was then that I realized how thankful I was that my mom made the choice to cut him out of our lives.

I think you are definitely doing the right thing!

Anonymous said...

I had tears in my eyes.