Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Jealous

Posted by Anonymous.

I am smart, kind, and generous. I am loving and lovable. I am a great mother, daughter, sister and friend. I am open-minded, gracious, well-traveled and successful.

My ex-husband is none of those things.

He is, however, jealous of me because of who I am. And because of that, he spent years tearing me down. I was "old and fat and ugly." I was "not fun". I was "dragging him down". I "ruined his life". He mocked my friends, my business, my parenting skills, my brother, my clothes and hair, my weight. He was never proud of me.

And now, when I know he's seeing someone else, started seeing her a few days after he "left my ass"? It makes me crazy. I can't stop thinking about it. And I'm jealous.

Jealous.

I can't believe myself. I know that if this woman is anything like me, if she's as good as I am or better, it's only a matter of time before he starts tearing her down, too. And if she's not, if she's like him, or worse, then what do I have to be jealous of? Let them have each other.

For my kids sake, I hope she's great. I hope she's smart and lovely and kind to them. But I'm stuck in the "why her and not me?" loop. And I really, really, want to get out of it, because GOD he sucked as a husband, and God am I better off now without him and with full custody of our beautiful kids.

I wanted to write this because I wanted to see the things I am in black and white. Because I'm hoping if I say it enough, if I think it enough, that I'll start to believe it.

I don't love my ex. I don't like him. I don't want him back. And I really don't want to care about who he's seeing. I want to move past feeling discarded. I want to know who I am.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh man I'm with you on this.

My ex has just met someone else and I'm having very similar feelings. I'm jealous as hell, but I don't want him. It's confusing isn't it?

Men! :)

irlmumof2 said...

I had the same feelings with my ex.

Take heart though, one morning I woke up and I honestly didn't care anymore.

Helena said...

Could it be that you are more jealous of the fact that such a creep has found someone, but you, a wonderful person, is alone?

Trueself said...

Same exact feelings here. Could've written this post myself. I tell myself it's because I don't like her, and I don't, but it is more than that. It is jealousy, pure and simple.

Hoping that like irlmumof2 I'll wake up one day and not care anymore.

Jan said...

You are right that it's only a matter of time before he starts tearing down the new girl. Remember that- be strong.

Anonymous said...

Add to your list that you're brave and insightful. Brave for coming out and admitting your feelings and insightful to know better.

Hayley said...

Everyone goes through this, I think. I was lucky enough to find someone wonderful, who I'm now married to, but when my ex started dating this younger girl- who used to talk a lot of crap about me when we were married- I was furious. I'm not really sure if it was jealousy or what- I didn't want him but it drove me crazy and still does sometimes. So hang in there... when you move on, that feeling will fade. Just keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to be out of his life, and that you're worth being with someone who treats you well. Because you are.

Tiffi33 said...

I think this is common.
I know my best friend has/is going thru this..I will tell you what I tell her..
His life is NOT as good as it looks..
and if he is that messed up, then so is she..and you are lucky you got out when you did.
He is a shit for talking to you like that and prolly doesn't even like himself.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I've been there. Very strange but perfectly normal reaction.I hope too, that she's good to your children. The jealous feelings will pass to be sure.

Val said...

wow....so true..it took me 3 years to stop whining "how could he do this to me???" after 3 years of feeling exactly the same way you describe and I wasn't even happily married, i realized I was glad he left. I was so happy because I wouldn't have left him and my life is better without him. My kids and I are better without him. You will be too. thanks for sharing.

Elisabeth said...

"I want to know who I am."

-I'd say you are well on your way. Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

11 years later and I still have moments where jealousy washes over me. Not for him~she can have him! but for the life my kids and I should be living. But then I breath, realize that a little bit of money means nothing~I am the smarter, funnier, happier of the two of us girls~and I smile and move on :) You will too! Have faith in your self.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, everyone. I really debated sending in this both to HBMB but all of the nice things you've said and the support have made me cry.

I appreciate all the comments. I know better days are coming.

-Anon

Anonymous said...

just.stay.strong. Even if you have to come read this post 10 times a day....stay.strong.every.day.

best of luck. stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Know that very soon, she too will be "old and fat and ugly" and "not fun" and "dragging him down". Because you were never really any of those things. It was him all along. He won't change. And you don't need to.

Jessica McFadden said...

And now you are free, free as a bird, to find a lover who will build you up and believes you are wonderful, amazing and the best thing in his life. He is out there. You'll be happy and fulfilled and treasured. And she, and the @#$%holio ex will still be miserable.