Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Danno

Posted by Kate.

I have a best friend.

I feel loved, wanted, appreciated, respected, cared for. I trust him enough to tell him all the things I've never told anyone else. He trusts me implicitly as well. We both struggle, we both have fears and flaws. We accept each other with all those fears and flaws. I've shared myself completely with him and vice versa. Our feelings have deepened over the last few months, and been acknowledged.

We've been connected from day one, feeling things about each other without "knowing". And in turn, knowing what the other is feeling, doing or thinking even though we've been hundreds of miles from one another. We have a passion for one another that's sparked and grown, constantly simmering just beneath the surface. The love we've had for the other has increased since we met. I've loved him for a while now and known how he has felt about me. Recently, we talked about someday having a relationship, what we'd be like together. I made the confession that I'd been in love with him almost as long as I loved him. Recently, we've disclosed out loud that we're in love with each other.

Just one thing. I'm already in a relationship. Except I get none of these things from the current guy. He can't let me in, and can't be there for me. Without meaning to, all he's done is hurt me and ignore me. But I've stayed, trying to make it work. Being the only one trying, the only one putting any effort into this relationship is draining me.

I don't know that the relationship with the best friend would be like. I know we'd have a lot to work through. I'm realistic; I know like any other relationship, it would have it's problems.

The difference is, I know he wants to try, and I do as well. I know how he feels about me, without question, without doubt.

I want to be with him. I want to throw caution to the wind. If I have the chance to be with someone who loves me, accepts me, faults and all, makes me feel special, loved, supported, desired, trusted. Who lets me into their world, their head, their heart, why would I want to wait?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Are you married? Do you have children?
Something tells me that you are and you do, or you would have left current relationship.

Anonymous said...

"Except I get none of these things from the current guy. He can't let me in, and can't be there for me. Without meaning to, all he's done is hurt me and ignore me"

Ahem...could be that your so focused on your best friend that you've been doing the ignoring and not allowing current s/0 in.

do what you have to to get out or a break from your current relationship. It's not working and will not work with how your feeling now. In fact take a year off from both relationships. If your best friend is your bf ..he'll wait. At least you'll have a clearer perspective and know better what you want and need in your life.


Michelle

Kate said...

I wrote this post a while ago. Should you be interested, there is an update of sorts on my blog.

http://kateanon.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/strange-timing/

Neither of us have children, and it was not a matter of leaving my husband, for I ended my marriage at the end of last year.

I appreciate the comments.

Kate said...

This may help as well...
http://kateanon.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/spring/

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