A little background: my father-in-law is remarried to a woman not much older than my husband and I. She has tried to come between fil and us (and has pretty much managed to do it). Trust me there is more to this story than I can put on here for fear of it being discovered and used against me.
To my fil: I wish you would grow some balls. Your son was only home from a freaking combat zone for just under a month. You did not call him when he got home, amazingly you were on "vacation" AGAIN when he got home. He finally called you. You were not home. He spoke to you three times while he was home and saw you only twice, for a total of two hours. You could not even get away from your WIFE to come see him before he left.
In the last couple of years you have gradually crawled up your wife's pussy and cut your grandkids and your son out of your life. I don't care what you and your c*nt of a wife think about me, but DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON MY HUSBAND OR OUR KIDS.
Do you even see what it is doing to your son, how he hurts for a little attention from his father. You do not know your grandchildren. You have not seen either one of them in over six months. How dare you even claim that you know how they are doing, do you really even care? Are you scared of your wife is that why you don't see them?
My friends tell me not to let it bother me, they don't seem to see that it is not me that is hurting, it is my children and my husband. That is why I get so fucking pissed off. I don't like seeing them hurt. The youngest I don't think it bothers as much, it has pretty much been this way since the youngest was born. It is the oldest, the oldest has seen it become this way.
My husband does not deserve to be treated as crap. He is your blood, your flesh and blood, how can you do this to your own son? How can you treat your grandchildren this way?
I know this does not make sense, I just needed to get it off my chest. I just got back from the airport from putting him on a plane to go back to that combat zone and he was hurting from his father not coming and seeing him before he got back on the plane.
8 comments:
Wow! Your FIL sounds like a piece of work! Let's hope he comes around and can release himself from the grip of his new wife.
Have you ever thought about telling him just how hurtful he is?? That is really sad how he did not go to the airport....maybe you could start there and mention how much it would have meant to your husband to have his dad see him off....and go from there..I feel for your husband, and you....but I really think this dope needs a bit of a reality check.
All the best to you..
Do you have the same FIL and stepMIL that I do? I'm so sorry. I know how much this sucks for your family.
this is the poster, I wrote this in April and it has not changed at all. They have not seen the kids at all. The oldest since last July and the youngest at Christmas. Thanks for the well wishes but it will not change. He knows how much it hurts and it has been told to him that he should see the kids more, he just doesn't fucking care.
When you are calm, write your FIL a letter and tell him that his son and grandchildren need him. Try to say it in a non-blaming way. I know you are mad at him, but your goal is to get him to be a better father/grandfather, right? Making him feel defensive and attacking him isn't going to achieve that, no matter how much he deserves it.
My FIL didn't speak to his son for 10 years after what should have been a minor falling out between my husband and his step-mother. Both of my sons spent the first decade of their lives never meeting their grandfather who lived 7 miles away. What a waste - he missed out on so much! Finally, I sat down and wrote him a letter and told him that his son missed him and needed him, and that he should be a father to his son and reach out to him. They did reconcile and now 10 years later, he is a pretty good father and grandfather and my kids don't really remember that he didn't exist in their lives until they were 10 and 8 years old. I can't say that this will work in your case, but its worth a shot for your husband and kids' sakes.
I can sympathize. My DH's family is completely non-supportive and selfish. Holidays are celebrated on their schedule or not at all. If it weren't for the fact that my kids love them, we wouldn't even bother. And, yes, we can go for months without even a phone call --unless they want something. Hang in there!! I'll be sending you happy thoughts every time I have to deal with my in-laws.
My ex is going to turn into this. I can see it now.
Sorry you guys have to go through this.
We have lived through a very similar situation, and I can tell you from experience that you will never be happy if you look to others to make you that way.
Life for us is what it has always been. People rarely change. What has changed, however, is our response to the situation, and that has made all the difference.
We decided one evening that we were going to give extended family the room that they prefer, and that we would tell our children how things really are.
That's it. No longer were we going to feel sorry for ourselves or whine because our parents were selfish and unfair; rather, we decided that we were going to be happy with or without them, and that we would simply live out our lives the best that we could. Sixteen years of resentment and anguish are gone.
What took some time was getting over three critical misunderstandings. Who ever said that we deserve anything? Who said that we are entitled to regular visits from extended family throughout our entire adult lives? And who said that our children must have doting, selfless grandparents to be complete?
I say let this go and love the guy anyway. It must be hard enough to hold a second marriage together in today's world without an in-law airing out family business in public. If grandfather misses out on quality time with you and your family, then it's his loss--but don't let it take away your peace. The time you spend blogging out profane rage could be far better spent with your sweetheart and little ones. Show them how to love when it's difficult, and they will love you twenty years from now when you forget to be perfect.
Best of luck with this. It takes awhile, but there is peace to be found.
Regards,
JRF
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