Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Is Your Love Enough?

Posted by Anonymous.

Is loving someone really enough? Is it enough to forgive wrong doings? To move on from past hurt, so much hurt? Can love make you trust someone again even though you have been so thoroughly hurt?

I love/d you. I did everything I could for you to make you happy. I was there when you went through one of your biggest hurts, through a time that I thought you just might fall. All the way. I trusted you with every secret I had, with every pain, thought or emotion I had. I put myself on the line for you, did everything I was always afraid to do. To trust someone explicitly with my heart. To actually say that I love you and to not be scared. To accept parenting advice without getting defensive. I let you into my family at a time that I should have been scared to but we just clicked. It just worked, we worked. We didn't have to try hard to get along, we never had to explain ourselves, we just got each other. Then. She is where it all went wrong. You didn't like one part of me, one you were not willing to share with me, something sooo easily fixed that all you had to say was the word and I would have done it. I would have done it happily and done it for you. But she came along, she knew about me, she fucking met you when we were together. She was there for you when you needed it but I didn't know. I suspected as much, asked you and you lied. YOU LIED TO ME. We ended and I hurt. I moved on but I didn't get over you. It takes so much effort for me to reveal who I am, so much effort for me to be comfortable and you took that and left me.

We didn't talk for months and all I heard was that you were miserable, I just didn't understand why we broke up. Then I found out about her, the one I asked about and then dropped because you said it was nothing. It was nothing at first. Then she got you, she got the one part of you that I didn't. We stayed in contact throughout your whole relationship, on and off. We tried to just be friends but we often went to far and I never felt bad about it. I never cared because I didn't care about her feelings. I still don't care. Now you are over and you realized you made a mistake. You want to make up for it, you are a different person but we are not sure if we can be together. Are you really sure you're not going to up and leave again? Can I love you enough to trust you?

Every day I fight with believing you again. Everyday I have to remind myself that I finally got the one aspect of you that I never had before, that it is obvious you have changed. You are trying to change.

I am already in too far to walk away unscathed but I might be able to walk away with some of my heart and my pride in tact. She still calls occasionally, she knows about me. She doesn't know everything but she knows enough and I am glad. I am a bad person for being glad that she got hurt, so she can know some of the pain that I felt. I know it's wrong but I am. I unintentionally hurt you so you hurt me again and I forgave you again, I don't think I can forgive you even one more time but I am so drawn to you, you are so drawn to me. We can't walk away but is love enough? Is it really enough? I know you still love me and I still love you but is it enough? Are you enough? Can I accept you for all your faults? I just don't know and it's killing me.


Anonymous said...

I am sorry to say this so bluntly but it never be enough. It was not because of her. It is him. And he will never change.

Anonymous said...

He's a liar. It's just that simple and painful. He lied to you, he lied to her and that will not change. I hope you can take that to heart and walk away from him..as he's just not worth all that effort.


OK. He left you for her, and then he was with you WHILE he was hers? And you think this type of guy rates anything because......?

Once a cheat, always a cheat, sweetie. Sorry. He cheated on you and then with you. How's it feel? I hope you like that "crapped upon" feeling, 'cause if you keep him, you will have years of it to come.

Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit!

Anonymous said...

other side of the coin here; I think I could have written this except for the longest time I was blissfully unaware of "her". We ended it but there were things tying us together like an unplanned pregnancy and a marriage to get ourselves out of. It was a hellish 1.5 years but he left that all behind and I forgave. 15 years later we are still together. and happy to boot. It all starts with love and if both parties are willing to work at it with love, it'll stick. A spiritual foundation and lots of prayer were mighty helpful though. Best of luck to you both.

Mrs. Case said...

Really "she" has no responsibility in any of this. He is the one culpable for screwing around. Two wrongs don't make a right.

And the first commenter was right: Love is never enough. If it were, nobody would ever get divorced or break up. Truth is, relationships take a lot of work.

Tina said...

Love does not equal trust. And even after he left you for her, he still didn't respect YOU enough to not cheat on her with you. If he wanted you, (at all) he wouldn't have cheated with you, he would have BEEN with you. I know how you feel, I tried to make love be enough for too long, but in the end it got too messy, too complicated, too painful. Trying to trust someone who continued to hurt me.

I hope you choose what is best for you. And that you find some happiness. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm with the other side of the coin. I'm making it work, because of the being drawn, because of the kids. Because he has changed. Because we love each other.

Anonymous said...

Other Side of the Coin wins.

Loving sleazy, selfish people enough to forgive them really really changes them.

I appreciate your example.