Sunday, August 22, 2010

Like A Sister

You’re my best friend.. Like a sister to me but not blood related. At one point in our lives, I’d drop everything to make sure you were safe. Because I was in the same situation.

Now... I can’t bare to be in the same room with you. You’re constant want for sympathy is sad because of this situation. Your belief that your husband is actually going to come home, in your house and everything will be the same makes me want to scream at you.

A. He’s a pedophile B. He was arrested and jailed for the past four months for throwing your son across the room and making visible marks. C. Just because he’s a pedophile won’t make the courts want him to go back home just because he needs a place to stay.

I’ve been in the same situation my friend, my ex-husband whom you know very well had done some pretty nasty things to me, but never to our son. There is now a full standing order of protection still on myself and our son, from the court. And he has supervised visitation.

And you actually believe your husband is coming home? I'm afraid what's going to happen when it happens. When he doesn't.

For the past three months, I’ve tried talking to you about the things going on in my life. I told you we‘re planning on getting married… and all you can do is fiddle with your phone, texting your “so-called” friends and yell at your kid. No congratulations, or anything. I wanted you to be my maid of honor. You sit there and get depressed at my son’s birthday because you miss your husband. Because you can’t stand to see other people happy

I’ve BEEN there for you!! I’ve sat by your side and held you when you cried. Convinced you that getting up every morning is a good thing and taking care of your kids is your first priority. I’ve offered time and time again to take your kids when the courts were threatening to take them away from you. And this is what love you show me?

I'm sad. Our friendship has taken to this point where I can't even talk to you anymore without feeling like I'm going to get a argument thrown at me or you saying something negative. I sat there and cried today, wondering if it's going to be like this for the next whatever amount of years. Because my love for you as a sister just can't go away. Sadness, anger, hurt, a little betrayed by your lack of caring. But it will never go away.

I want things to change, I want you to be happy. I wish I could make things different but life just can't be placed on a full halt because of your situation. Sometimes other people need a little hug too, especially sisters.


Anonymous said...

Someone finding out her husband is a child-abusing pedophile seems like a pretty legitimate reason to be depressed, if not flat-out in shock. It might be incredibly frustrating that she's being so unrealistic, but it also seems unlikely that her behavior is some attempt to irritate you because she "can't stand to see other people happy."

This might be a good time to focus more on empathy and possible professional treatment and less resentment over everything you feel she "owes" you.

NGS said...

It sucks, but I think you should just be as supportive of your friend as possible right now. No, life can't be put on halt because of this, but keep in mind that she needs support, good decisions and bad. Hopefully someday she'll come to her senses, but until then, please don't let him isolate her and keep her away from you.

Anonymous said...

I think all u can really do now is be patient with her. Denial can be a deep hole to dig oneself out of.
I also think that if she refuses to return to reality, you need to do what you know is right as far as her children are concerned, even if that means removing the children from her home.

Anonymous said...

I can feel your pain. I have had a few friends like this. They are takers, not givers. It's incredibly hard to continue offering support when you don't feel it's appreciated or returned. YOU have 2 choices. Continue being the better friend, offering support and hoping she will someday return the favor, or you can cut her loose. If you stay in her life, you can make sure her child/ren are safe from this pedophile, but if you cut her loose and she allows him back in the home, can you really live with that on your conscience? You have to ask yourself what is more important, right now, in both of your lives.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it is time for you to take stock of what you are looking for in a "friend". A woman who would willingly take back a pedophile and abuser of her own son, is every bit as narcissistic and sociopathic as the man she pines for. Cut her loose. It was never a friendship, much as your kind and trusting nature allowed you to believe it was.

Anonymous said...

For three months this has been going on with no change? You can't "fix" this. You have already "been there for her." You've paid your dues and you are entitled to pursue your own happiness.

Cut this woman loose.