Posted by Anonymous.
I’m so confused!
I want someone I can’t have. I know I can’t have him because he is too good. If I did have him I’d then feel bad.... feel at fault... even though he can make his own choices. He won’t choose me.
... but the yearning is so strong. I’m so happy when he’s around. I count down the minutes until I can see him again.
We’ve become such good friends that I would really hate to ruin that friendship. I want to grow that friendship, not just so I have those opportunities to be near him... even just to hear his voice, or see his smile... but because I really do like him as a friend too!!
I’m smart enough to know and understand the millions of reasons why this shouldn’t happen.... why it won’t happen... (The top are I’m married, he’s married, he’s religiously moral, he’s very happy with his wife...)but I’m having a really hard time reconciling my head and my heart to be on the same page. The other significant factor is our work relationship – I’m pseudo-management, and he’s a front-line worker, and there’s so many complications with that it makes my head spin!!
I’m not looking to change my situation, somehow I do love the one I have – but it’s not enough, and I’m tired of just settling for 2nd best. I’m tired of being the roommate.
I think I should be applauded for one thing though... I’ve been super careful to try to not put out too many of the “I want to jump your bones” signals... I’ve really toned down my usual “flirty” self – which hasn’t been easy to do!
I wish I was a mind reader and knew what he was thinking about at times. If he was thinking, even remotely, the same thing I was. But if he is, would I take that opportunity and potentially screw up everything; or take the opportunity and enjoy the ride while it lasts; or smartly turn it down and continue driving myself mad with should of, could of...
Why does this have to be so confusing?!?!