Posted by Anonymous.
It's been six months since my baby was born and still, every time I see you and have to fake smile and ask you how you're doing as if I cared. I feel so furious. I'm a new mother, you were once too so I assumed you would understand. If I don't want children visiting us in the hospital and holding the new baby then as the mother of the baby guess what? I have the right to make that decision! We made the decision that we didn't want any children at the hospital, just adults. We did not selectively choose your kids and say that they were the only one's not allowed. At NO POINT did we say this was because we thought they were diseased and would infect the new baby, why the heck would you assume that? Although if I had to be honest about it, it's true I don't trust you enough to be able to control your kids around the new baby, they're manipulative whiny brats. The fact that you decided not to visit because your kids couldn't was your decision, not ours. We accept responsibility for our decision, why not accept responsibility for yours?
That day was not about you or your kids, it was about the new baby and the fact that you would call us selfish self-centered idiots only goes to show just how insecure and neurotic you are. Screaming at us in letters and writing on facebook about how dumb we are and how selfish our decision is only shows what kind of person you are. Everyone, and I do mean everyone in the family hates receiving your little "The world didn't revolve around me for five seconds and I'm mad about it so I'm going to blame it on you" letters. Stop writing letters and talk to us- maybe we could clear up some of the misunderstandings you get in that delusional little head of yours.
You are the parent to your children and as such you have the right to make decisions regarding them, explain to me why that isn't the same for everyone else? Are you super fucking special? Now I can't see my brother without there being a strain and it's obvious that the relationship is forever marked by your insecurity and bi-polar behavior. Thanks, really.
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4 comments:
As I've always told my lived ones...I may not care for or agree with your parenting choices, as long as they aren't harmful to your kids I will respect your choices. Your kids, your rules. Stay for what you believe and do what is right for you, your husband, and baby. People that are worth it and matter will get over it and respect your decision.
You may feel differently about your post when your own baby is a toddler/preschooler/school-age child/teenager and it is your turn to be in your sister-in-law's position, visiting someone who has given birth to their first baby. Would it bother you, even a little bit, if someone now asked you to find a sitter for your six month old before coming to visit them and their new baby in the hospital?
Congratulations, by the way!
Lie lie lie to people like your sister in law--"The hospital has asked that children not come up today: there's a cold going around."
Anything.
People like your SIL ask to be lied to, because they are unable to handle the truth.
You can have visiting your brother be a strain, or you can choose to not pay attention to the strain of your SIL being there.
She is not going to change, but your brother loves her, her children love her, if you can rise above, you can look at her through your brother's and nieces/nephews eyes and do your best to accept the crap that is the truth of this woman. Without choosing to make yourself suffer.
I have in-laws too and I do everything in my power to just pretend and smile and limit the visits.
Literally, I show up and shut up and have plans with real friends set up for soon after the visit so I can get my mojo back.
I used to turn a 3 hour visit into a month long worry and kvetch fest, until I just think about it while I am in their presence, and then I just let it go when I am back in my own surroundings.
I protect myself. I don't expect people to be what they are not. I limit my time with those like your SIL.
Good for you for pretending and being nice--anything else is just not worth it. You can have a lovely life with your beautiful new baby 24/7 and limited time with SIL.
Glass half full. (With wine, I've found helpful.)
I could say the same for my mil and her family. My daughter was born premature and we kept visitors to parents and grandparents. My husband's family still resents me for that and this was 2 years ago! My MIL still don't get along for many reasons. I wish I had some great advice, I just understand.
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