Monday, March 17, 2008

How Do You Know? (What *She* Knows)

Posted by Anonymous; follow-up to 'How Do You Know?'

(Anonymous asked the question, last week, 'How do you know when he's having an affair? If you've been through it, how did you know/find out?' This week she has more to say about why she asked that question...)

I think maybe I am grasping at straws, or catastrophizing things, or maybe I am just trying to make sense of the total disconnect that I feel between us. He never initiates sex and sex is infrequent and not really intimate (more of an exercise than an engagement). We aren't close. He likes attention. There's just something there that I have always felt. Maybe I wonder how he can go through life without being intimate with anyone. He has few friends, by choice. He doesn't turn to me for much more than common conversation and co-parenting.

We started therapy again last week. Things aren't terrible, but they just are flat and not good. I feel no positive reinforcement, no spark from him, although it's totally possible that I am just projecting my dissatisfaction on to his emotional state. I doubt he'd leave our marriage because we have 2 kids and I think it would be a rough parting. That's another thing that makes me say "hmmm....".

Maybe this is all in my head, but I still wonder.

Of course, Mr. Spitzer doesn't help things at all...


Anonymous said...

I really hope therapy helps you figure some things out. Good luck and keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

do you think perhaps your husband might have aspergers?

Anonymous said...

When you suspect your partner is having an affair is generally for a reason. His behavior is very confusing and stressful. I'm sorry!