It all came flooding back to me when I was cleaning out my car. In the glove box, under napkins and expired insurance cards, was a ring. I literally gasped when I found it. I thought I had lost it. There would be years that the ring would come to mind and I would clean my jewelry box out thinking that I might find it this time. After my unsuccessful searches I would put the thought away with the notion that it was better that I didn't have it anymore. But, now I have it again. Now it IS in my jewelry box. And with it has come so many memories.
I can't remember what year it was that he challenged me to try and slip that ring off his finger. He said that if I could do it I could keep it. With very little tugging I had the ring in my possession. I think he wanted me to have it. It is nothing special, simple in design, with his initals stamped on the front. It fit on his pinky and he told me he had owned it since he was a boy. He didn't demand it back, so I kept it.
He and I were never officially an item. That's what made our relationship so unique. It spanned nearly five years and yet we were never truly together. We had moments, sometimes they were stolen moments. He terrified me with the things he made me feel. I didn't understand them. And I still don't, not fully. He made me feel fragile and naïve, and yet so very beautiful and empowered. He would talk to me about how beautiful the arch of my back was or how much he loved my belly button. He would kiss me slowly, with reverence, as if he could freeze time and make that moment go on forever. He cherished me as a woman, before I had even really come into my own. He made my body hum, but he did not make my heart sing.
Now, I'm with a wonderful man. He has my heart completely and loves me without limitations. He cherishes me as a wife and as a friend. And although I do not miss the man that gave me that ring, I sometimes miss the way he made me feel.
I am thinking about sending his ring back to him. It's been over 10 years since we have even seen each other and he has a wife of his own now. Wouldn't that be the right thing to do? I don't want to cause problems or have un-needed questions asked of either him or me from our spouses. That chapter in our lives has long been closed. So, should I send it? Should I keep it? Or should I throw it into the lake and let the fish have it?